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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister wanting to stay in our house

58 replies

Emrew05 · 08/08/2021 16:37

So my sister lives 100 miles away, moved away when she got with her husband. We get on well and what not but don't spend a massive amount of time together. We just don't gel together for long periods, our parenting views differ etc. Quick bit of a back story. My sister isn't known for a well kept house and things often mysteriously break when she borrows them... so we recently moved house. Our new house has a bigger garden and more living space. When my sister and her family came to see the new house one of the first things she said was that they had been talking about us and them doing a "house swap for a weekend". She described it as an air B&B style scenario. It felt a bit on the spot ish and after they left DH and I both agreed we don't really fancy it and it just felt odd. She now knows that we are going camping for the weekend and is asking when we are going (I'm guessing so she can ask if she can stay in our house while we are away). DH said he'll happily just tell her straight that he's not comfortable with it but they are more than welcome to stay to spend time with us. AIBU to want to make up an excuse to avoid the awkwardness of that (is it awkward or am I over thinking it?!)

Thanks for taking the time to read! 😊

OP posts:
HilaryBriss · 08/08/2021 16:40

I don't think you need to make up an excuse, just say no and explain that you don't want anyone staying in your house while you are not there.

DancesWithTortoises · 08/08/2021 16:40

I think you need to say no from the start or she will keep asking. Just say you'd love to have her stay when you are there but not when you are away.

Eveningtwilight · 08/08/2021 18:04

Tell her to jog on. It sounds to me like she will get to stay in your well appointed and well kept house compared to her dump (that you would also probably end up tidying and cleaning to make it liveable).

You have nothing to benefit from this.

giggly · 08/08/2021 18:11

Yeah chase her. My now nc cf sister once had a family of 8 yes 8 plus her own family of 5 stay the weekend in my 3 bed semi while I was on holiday. She asked if her family could stay not 13 people.
One of the many cf reasons why no contact for 4 years

dottydodah · 08/08/2021 18:22

I would be honest and say from the off ,that you would welcome them into your home for a WE with all of you together . Say you dont like anyone to stay when you are away .If they dont like it tough!

FortniteBoysMum · 08/08/2021 18:47

Be straight with her if you make excuses she will keep asking until she wears you down.

TulipsTwoLips · 08/08/2021 18:53

Just say no, you're not up for that. You don't need to go into great detail as that's when you might end up saying something specific which she takes offence to.

Like other people are saying, keep repeating the offer to have them to visit when you are there.

domesticslattern · 08/08/2021 19:00

I wonder if it would cause you insurance issues if someone not named on the home insurance policy held a key? Grin Such a shame...

Namechangedzzz · 08/08/2021 19:07

Please say she hasn't got a key!

Could you possibly say that someone else is already staying to look after the place for you?

Southwestrunningmum · 08/08/2021 19:08

I would not have an issue with any of my family staying in my home when away m.

MMAMPWGHAP · 08/08/2021 19:09

“It’s against the terms of our house insurance” - job done.

StoneofDestiny · 08/08/2021 19:10

I don't think you need to make up an excuse, just say no and explain that you don't want anyone staying in your house while you are not there

This is all you need to say.

Feedingthebirds1 · 08/08/2021 19:11

@Namechangedzzz

Please say she hasn't got a key!

Could you possibly say that someone else is already staying to look after the place for you?

And if she has a key - change the locks!!

I suspect she wouldn't take nicely to being told someone else was housesitting and would demand that you changed it so that she did it. Easier in the long run to say no straight out.

Blossomtoes · 08/08/2021 19:15

@MMAMPWGHAP

“It’s against the terms of our house insurance” - job done.
Except it isn’t. No insurance policy I’ve ever held in 40 odd years has terms like that. If you’re going to lie at least make it plausible! If your husband’s happy to just say no, let him do it, OP. Nobody needs to tell lies, it’s clear and unambiguous.
Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 19:15

Don't make excuses. Your Dsis will keep asking you- it has to be a 'no we don't want that answer'

Just say "no, we don't want people staying in our family home or sleeping in our beds whilst we are away. Please stop asking us."

DroopyClematis · 08/08/2021 19:17

Just say no.

Notaroadrunner · 08/08/2021 19:18

@Emrew05 just tell her that you are not interested in a house swap and that yourself and Dh are not comfortable with having anyone to stay while you're not there. I have previously done it but wouldn't dare now as kids are teens and would not want anyone staying in their rooms. I wouldn't want anyone staying in mine either tbh.

MBM18 · 08/08/2021 19:19

Definitely don't make excuses otherwise she'll keep asking and you'll run out of them. Just say no and be honest with your reasonings, however awkward it'll be 😬

Always makes me laugh how some of us feel awkward saying no to cheeky requests but the person asking has no shame! (Don't worry OP, I am the person who feels awkward saying no too!)

30degreesandmeltinghere · 08/08/2021 19:20

You have mice....

mbosnz · 08/08/2021 19:21

Well, you both have a voice, it's both your house. It takes one 'no' to make it a 'no'. Your DH isn't comfortable with that. So, no. No further correspondence on the subject will be entered into.

Elouera · 08/08/2021 19:25

I'd hate people staying when I wasn't at home- even my close relatives!

I do hope she doesn't have a key, or know where you keep a spare?

phishy · 08/08/2021 19:26

YANBU, DH is happy to tell her straight so let him!

Titsywoo · 08/08/2021 19:26

With my sibling I'd be honest and say no I don't trust you not to damage my stuff!

romdowa · 08/08/2021 19:27

No is a complete sentence. No need for further explanation

2bazookas · 08/08/2021 19:28

Why not just be real with her?

"We don't want to let you use our house because you're very messy, and when you borrow our stuff it often gets broken or
damaged. "