What's the worst thing someone did when you had a new baby?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Another thread reminded me of this, it's probably tame compared to some of yours though!

MIL called my DH in from another room and told him to take my newborn, crying baby off me and give him to her. After I'd refused several times, because I knew what he needed and couldn't do it. Luckily for our marriage he saw the look and my face and told her no.

@KurtWilde

I think the worse thing though was after a horribly traumatic birth and the midwife described my newborn DS as a 'mistake' because I'd continued with the pregnancy after my ex left me. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment.

I am so, so, so sorry that this happened to you What an awful (and ridiculous, and nonsensical) thing for someone to say Words are such a powerful thing, it's true that they can be much more hurtful than a physical pain. One of my friends and her husband take their babies to church shortly after they're born and have the congregation speak (positive!) words over them about their characters and their future lives and how much God loves them and so on. I've always thought that's such a lovely thing to do. I hope you have many people in your life who've been able to speak positive words over your DS since then (I'm sure a vicar would be happy to say something over him too if you'd like!). Well done to you for being a strong parent for your son, you are enough for him xxx

Best friend phoned me l, I had just got out of 24 hours in hospital with 4 month old 2nd DS. He had bronchitis and I had finally managed to get a consultant to diagnose his CMPA and silent reflux when we were in there. I had spent the night trying to sleep in a chair, in soaking wet puke saturated clothes.
Her response was that I needed to get out of my negative mind set. Negativity attracts negativity apparently so I was manifesting his problems through my own negative thought processes. This was also why my first son had to wear a patch over his eye (he has a turn in his eye and very bad vision).
She doesn't have any children herself but made sure to tell me she was also disappointed in me. According to her I always used to be so strong but since having my children I had turned weak and was always moaning.
I think I cried for about 3 months solid every time I thought about it. Things have never been the same between us since.

We struggled for years to have children.

Had DC and kept their name a secret.

MIL is POC all she had to say about name was ‘oh no he’s ruined for me his name reminds me of X. He was a racist - DH how could you let her name your child after someone who hates us?!’

We were sat there speechless it’s a perfectly normal name and she just loves to hate anything I do 🙄

Nurse in SCBU, 2 days after a c- section. Told me I was silly for wanting to try and do what I could for DD (trying to establish breast feeding and change her nappy - the baby change stuff was spread from one end of the SCBU to the other and I could only shuffle painfully) - essentially accused me of playing at being a mum for fun. DD had a strep B infection and had a congenital heart defect picked up at 12 hours old. The attitude from some of the staff was something else...

Being bombarded with texts from my now exs family telling my child would be a whore due to the name I was giving her & how they would all disown her and she'd get no inheritance 🙄... I had just turned 19 and had only given birth 20 minutes before, I still can't forgive that 10 years later!

I remember when ds was a week old, mil said to him ‘those two have no idea what they’re doing, I should take you to come and live with me.’ Then my dm came to stay and helped me get my confidence to trust my ability. She also pointed out that mil was clueless about babies and didn’t even know how to hold ds properly!

I was seriously struggling with bf. My HV advised I went to the local breastfeeding support group. We suspected dc had a tongue tie. I asked one of the advisors at the group who told me dismissively
'We don't know about things like that.'
I went home and cried. My HV referred me to an amazing lactation consultant who diagnosed tongue tie and arranged for me to get it cut.

DC1 was 36 hours old and we were still in hospital after my failed induction and EMCS. I was exhausted and DC was crying. Instead of explaining cluster feeding to me, the midwife took DC away, apparently to walk up and down the corridor and rock them to sleep. After an hour of listening to DC cry and not being able to get them back off the midwife, she returned DC saying 'what a brat, they just won't stop crying'. I tried breastfeeding again (was struggling) but it worked and DC was happy.

The whole birth and aftercare and that hospital was horrendous though.

The day after DD1 was born and we had both almost died, DM decided it would be appropriate to reunite me with my abusive DF who had tried to push me down the stairs when I'd told him I was pregnant and who I'd finally found the strength to go NC with.

I was too weak and too polite to send him on his way.

I wish I'd had Mumsnet 24 years ago. Some of my current problems might have been dealt with back then

My ex GP went for postnatal check up , claimed I hadn’t booked a post natal check up ( I had ) then he asked do I want examining ? The way he asked it was like it was optional so I said no it’s fine . He then said well I’ll have to make a note you have refused .
The final comment was I had just stopped breastfeeding in the last couple of days I found it exhausting but had given it a few weeks . He asked why , he wasn’t at all sympathetic and I felt I couldn’t explain why so said something on the lines it was tiring . He said having a baby is tiring , no shit Sherlock. I walked away really upset I was young tired and emotional and felt he was really dismissive and patronising. I changed GP’s after that and never saw him again .

When ds was 6 weeks old I rang my DM for advice as he was really upset and not himself, dh was on nights and I KNEW there was something wrong.
She told me to go to bed and he'd be fine and that I was a "neurotic first time mum who didn't have a clue"
I followed my own instinct and went to the hospital. He had meningitis.
I've never forgiven her.
Thankfully he is fine but she was so nasty.

Nothing like some of these but ...

After the birth of dc6 one midwife on the post natal ward used me as an example of an experienced mum to the lady in the next bed. She then said something along the lines of "For you your baby will be the center of your world and you will give him everything" to the other lady, before turning to me and saying "when you have a few i suppose they just bring theirselves up don't they"

Rude.

A random woman in the female toilets in Sainsbury’s asking if she could please please hold my three-month old son. I had just finished changing his nappy. She scared the hell out of me to be honest. She was so insistent. I just picked him up and grabbed the buggy quickly.

There happened to be another lady in the loo as well - she was washing her hands at the time of the request. As I left she just shot me this look; as if to say “she’s nuts, get the fuck out of here!” My heart was beating so hard.

I still get mild panic when I think about that incident

When my third baby boy was born, the midwife said "Oh it's another boy, never mind".

Yep - my family friend, pretended interest and offering to help after discharge from NICU- all whilst she and now EX had started an affair!

Said person has since said I would regret my decisions - ie, going back to work at 1 year and not being a proper mother to my DCS.

Nothing to do with the fact that the then EX was not paying maintenance and I had to feed, clothe and house the DCs on my own- whilst he paid for hers!

@heathofhares I had similar experience in SCBU, one of the nurses was really unpleasant, kept trying to chivvy me out of DDs room all the time and scoffing at the piddly amounts I was expressing. Quite a spectrum of support there, and she was at the shit end of it.

DP's auntie and uncle decided they were coming round 4 days PP, they decided a time that worked for them without running it past us/me, they came at tea time, after I'd had MIL, SIL, DNiece here in the afternoon and the midwife doing the heel prick test. My house was like a fucking train station that day and the baby blues had just hit. I cried to DP that night and demanded that nobody comes so soon after birth without checking its convenient with us first because I'd had enough.

On seeing the first photo of our son on WhatsApp my MIL replied to my husband ‘oh dear, he looks like Chanandler at the moment, but don’t give up hope yet!’

A few days later on a video call she saw me (after my husband had been telling her how much the baby fed) and said ‘oh, it’s the milch cow!’

With my first baby (many, many years ago), I had had a terrible week in hospital - dreadful induced labour, huge, noisy ward, only two toilets, baby sleepy and wouldn't breast feed, tyrannical nurses, stitched up too tight, couldn't eat because of the pain, etc, etc.

I was so looking forward to getting home and being somewhere more private and relaxing for me and our baby. My Mum picked me up from the hospital as we didn't have a car at that time. My husband was at home. It was around 11.30 a.m, just before Christmas and freezing cold. When we got to our house, the settee and other furniture were in the hall and the house was freezing cold - no heating on. The kitchen was in a terrible state - it looked like no washing up had been done for several days. My husband was in the process of hoovering the sitting room and everything was all over the place. I was so upset and we had a blazing row. My Mum told me I needed to calm down or they would assume I was mentally ill following the birth and I would be taken to the local psychiatric hospital.

I have never forgotten how devastatingly disappointed I was to arrive in that cold, messy home with my new baby and I think the whole experience in that first week affected bonding with my daughter and our ongoing relationship.

goldierocks What a terrifying experience - no wonder he's your ex.

Both of mine born by EMCS after horrible labours leading to life threatening complications.When I became pregnant with the second I was so scared of having to go through it all again I agreed to have tubal tie done if I needed another CS.
This was done during the second EMCS.Both my babies were boys, and about four days later I had a visit from the matron of the maternity unit.
She only briefly glanced at my healthy sleeping son the announced "What a pity you had another boy, now you have your tubes tied you will never have a daughter".If I was strong enough at the time I would of got out of bed and hit her.
I had a second dose of that from my MIL when I got home.When discovering I had had the tubal tie she told me I had committed a mortal sin and there was no hope for my soul after death!.

My mother turned up to SCBU where 2 month preemie dd2 was and had a Sobbing and clinging to my dad meltdown about how there was something wrong with her (dd) and we were hiding it from her (mum).

Never known anyone who could make things so much about her at the drop of a hat. That was probably the beginning of the end for me with pandering to her.

My MIL, on meeting her new grandchild for the first time (in a cafe, with our toddler also present) MIL held baby in a way that made his head flip right back. My husband (she's not his mum btw) asked her three times to support her head and she ignored him. I then asked her to sort his head and she told me to shut up. I then said that I'd she was going to speak to me like that, I wanted my baby back.

I took her back, MIL stormed out, has disowned me and banned me from the house. I was snappy but I don't think I was out of proportion, for a 3w pp women, seeing her newborn held on a dangerous way, who had been told to shut up. I apologised for being snappy, but it was unforgivable apparently...

She has not seen me or the children again, her choice.

They've since said some really awful things to us and I doubt that relationship will ever be healed. I tried making peace with them (and was the one who brokered peace after they refused to attend our wedding years before this), and I'm done with it all now.

When DD1 was in NICU, my SIL told me I should dye my hair while she was in hospital as I wouldn't have time once she was home. She also said how lucky I was to get to not have to get up for night feeds. I was getting up every 3 hours to express and I would have given anything to have had her home with me.

My MIL, when I had a bit of a meltdown blaming myself for DDs premature birth (I had PND and PTSD), said "and I suppose you think it's my fault I had a stillbirth do you?"

@nildesparandum

Both of mine born by EMCS after horrible labours leading to life threatening complications.When I became pregnant with the second I was so scared of having to go through it all again I agreed to have tubal tie done if I needed another CS. This was done during the second EMCS.Both my babies were boys, and about four days later I had a visit from the matron of the maternity unit. She only briefly glanced at my healthy sleeping son the announced "What a pity you had another boy, now you have your tubes tied you will never have a daughter".If I was strong enough at the time I would of got out of bed and hit her. I had a second dose of that from my MIL when I got home.When discovering I had had the tubal tie she told me I had committed a mortal sin and there was no hope for my soul after death!.

I've no words.

Total bitches!

My second DS was in NICU, in Southmead which was 90 minutes away from us, being cooled to prevent brain damage after an incredibly traumatic birth. My lovely younger sister came to look after my elder DS for the week whilst DH and I were travelling back and forth to Southmead. My other sister decided to come and give her a hand, which I thought was lovely, and I was very appreciative to both of them. Day 5, DS2 was being taken off of the cooling treatment and needed clothes for the next day, so we called my younger sister and checked that we were OK to pop to Asda on the way home to do a food shop and grab some sleepsuits and vests (DS1 was a much bigger baby, so all the clothes we already had were far too big for my tiny miracle baby!). She said that was fine, they didn't have plans so not to rush. We got back about an hour after we usually did. My other sister went off on me. I was selfish, inconsiderate, ungrateful. What if they had stuff they wanted to go and do etc etc. I just stood there, 5 days post c-section, absolutely exhausted from the 3 hour drives we were doing every day and a very poorly baby with potential brain damage that was coming off of treatment that evening. She did give me a half hearted apology a few days later, but I've never forgotten it. She also told me, after my first emergency c-section with DS1, that I hadn't given birth properly. I am quite low contact with her now!