To be pissed at DH for staying out this late!

[Dandy008]

5pm tonight DH gets a call from his friend inviting him to the pub.

DH arranged to meet his friend at 7pm for a “few drinks”.

Fast forward to nearly 4am and DH still isn’t home.

It’s the 3rd time in 4 weeks that he has been out drinking and it’s never just been “a few drinks”

A few weeks ago he was out overnight in Newcastle and in two weeks he will be out on an overnight stag weekend.

I don’t meant to sound like a nag, or his mother…

But we have an 18 month old child, and I don’t feel like DH is acting as if we do.

Since DC was born I’ve had one night out.
I met some friends for lunch at 12pm and I was back home by 6pm.

I’m assuming DH has gone into town as the pub he was going to shuts at 1am.

I feel like I’m really starting to resent him with how he’s behaving.

Just as I thought …

DH got up and walked upstairs, I asked where he was going. His response was “away from you”.

I just don’t see how he can be the one annoyed at me. 😥

Get yourself and children together and head out, no big conversations needed just a simple, I'm going out you need to clean this up sort yourself out and dont talk about it till he is sober.

There is nothing wrong with him going out having a laugh and having a drink but to this excess is not fair as its woken you up and now affecting your weekend. He needs to be more considerate of your feelings and appreciate that you'd like to spend some quality time as a family and you don't feel like you are at the moment.

This is the way it will always be I fear. Men go out and have their freedom with 'the lads' and mothers stay at home with the children. Even if all other things are equal like work or housework etc, this going out without partners/spouses is not. There is little to do about it imo or you'll be accused of nagging controlling behaviour. It's especially difficult when you have a little one.
It is especially annoying when they get so bloody pissed that not only it effects your evening and night but now the 'poor dear' will have to spend the whole day in bed, not contributing to looking after DC for an extended period of time. Not on. Don't feel sorry for him. Selfish man. Waste of a weekend!

I'd leave for a few days. In fact I'd leave full stop.
I cannot stand that emotional abuse shit .

Incredibly selfish behaviour from your DH, and not indicative of a loving husband and father. Wait until he's sober and little one is asleep and say your piece. If he doesn't change, your resentment will turn to contempt and the relationship will struggle to survive that.

Did you post a few weeks ok. Your mum ended up watching the child so you could go for lunch?

Sounds familiar

Not acceptable. I’d also be waiting it out until he is sober to have a serious conversation about this. There’s no point right now. He’s in ‘defend at all costs’ mode.

How does he plan on parenting today?

What a twat. :(

Hand him his child and tell him you're heading out.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

Did you post a few weeks ok. Your mum ended up watching the child so you could go for lunch?

Sounds familiar

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

No, not me.

This kind of bullshit is what ended my first marriage. The binge drinking, the 'few pints' that ended in him throwing up all over the place and waking me up at all hours. The fact that it always seemed to be my fault for ruining his night by being a nag.

The last night we ever spent under the same roof, he came home at 5am and shit in our living room floor. We had no kids so I chucked him out the next day and we were divorced a year later. I'm now married to a lovely man who doesn't drink...

You have my full sympathy because there is no reasoning with a drunk or extremely hungover person, and they end up painting you as the bad guy. But he is so in the wrong and you can't put up with it when you have a baby.

@redbigbananafeet

Hand him his child and tell him you're heading out.

@redbigbananafeet

His still pissed!! Staggering and slurring his words, not a chance I’d leave a child with him.

I'd be tempted to give DC a lovely wooden spoon and several metal pots to bang and turn CBeebies up quite loud. Open all the curtains and windows, let that sunshine in and a lovely fresh breeze through the house

How old is he? 17?

Getting himself wasted like is both safety and financially concerning. It is not a guy having fun with his friends, it is a dad washing himself off responsibilities over the weekend wasting the money his kid needs.

I'd be staying with my mum for a few days and then having a serious conversation.

It will be my fault. I will be the bad moody wife who doesn’t let him enjoy himself, and all
I will hear is how he can’t have a night out without me moaning

Oh the amount of times I had this from my exh. Awful way to live and you know you're not unreasonable. How is he normally? Notice I said EX husband but then there was a whole catalogue of awfulness there.

I’m so angry.

I know it might appear as if I’m “controlling” or a “nag” but really I’m not.

I had absolutely no issues with him going out in the first place.
The pub he was going to closes at 1 and it’s only 10 minutes away so I knew that it wouldn’t be much later than that he came home.

Turns out he went to town, which annoys me because he would have to pass our house in a taxi to get there!

It’s like he was driving past flipping the finger!

@Dandy008

I’m so angry.

I know it might appear as if I’m “controlling” or a “nag” but really I’m not.

I had absolutely no issues with him going out in the first place.
The pub he was going to closes at 1 and it’s only 10 minutes away so I knew that it wouldn’t be much later than that he came home.

Turns out he went to town, which annoys me because he would have to pass our house in a taxi to get there!

It’s like he was driving past flipping the finger!

No one whose been in your position will believe you are controlling or a nag but this is the position blokes take to offset the blame and pave the way for them to do it all over again by placing you in a position whereby you have to prove to them you are not a nag but letting them go out and get royally pissed all over again. It's such a common pattern. It's not fair in a couple but its horrendous to deal with when you have kids. It's not you it's him. Remember that

DH did this a few times when DD1 was little (saying out late unexpectedly, poor communication, being so drunk he was sick (but in the toilet). It was like a last huzzah of youth, or adulthood with fewer responsibilities, or something. Anyway, he knew it wasn't acceptable himself and stopped. If it'd have carried on being a regular thing, then I would definitely have reconsidered our relationship.

Was also handy one time when I was meant to be meeting a friend in town for lunch, which turned into "Shall we get margheritas?" and then an evening out. He could have no reasonable objection! Though I was not hung over or sick and actually not back late - just very late for a lunch.

You can't control how he behaves and responds to you but you can change how you deal with him. If he is staggering around drunk being horrible then why are you still there letting your toddler see this?
I would go out, grab a few things and find a local Premier Inn or bnb if need be just for some breathing space. And don't contact him but wait until he contacts you. Tell him you're only coming home if he agrees to discuss calmly and sensibly with some respect. Then tell him if it happens again you're off for good. Can he really believe that vomiting in the hall is how a good husband and father behaves? Ask him that.

@MadeForThis

Go out for the day and let him clean up. Don't contact him at all.

Sod that, go get the kid a drum and a recorder and stay in all day

You can't get any rational thinking from him when he is still that drunk.

I would be tempted to record how vile he is on your phone so you can play it back to him when he is sober. Ask him if that behaviour is acceptable.

Why are people encouraging getting the child to make noise to irritate an unpleasant man who is still drunk? Do you really think that is going to end well?