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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping oldest son in daycare during maternity leave?

92 replies

Samafe · 07/08/2021 14:24

I will be soon in maternity leave. My 2yo son is currently going 3 days/week at daycare, and he loves it. He keeps talking about his friends there and he seems genuinely happy.

My plan would be to have him take 1 month break from daycare while me and DH are both on leave, and then sending him again, but only 1 day/week, during my maternity leave.

My husband would instead prefer to keep him home for my whole maternity leave.

My reasons:
Keep his "social life" alive. Giving him a steady possibility to interact with other kids, no matter how crazy our life will be in few months.
He is really happy to go. If he takes a several months break, I am afraid he might not feel comfortable being back
Having few hours/week to focus on my second child

My DH reasons:
No need to spend money for daycare since I will be able to be home with him
Avoid bringing home the nasty daycare viruses and bugs

I feel we both have good arguments, so I appreciate your inputs :)

OP posts:
eightyfourandahalf · 07/08/2021 14:43

Would you stop your toddler from going to playgroups, soft plays, classes too? Keep him locked inside for a few months?

Of course not, so the "germs" excuse is a bit unrealistic. You might as well dropping to the nursery where he is happy than dragging yourself to a playgroup with a newborn.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 07/08/2021 14:43

I kept my nanny on throughout my mat leave with my second, because otherwise I would have lost her and I wasn't going to do that. But I probably would have kept up nursery hours if we'd used them for the reasons you state and so I could sleep when baby napped.

MissChanandlerBong22 · 07/08/2021 14:43

I’m in your situation and we haven’t even considered not sending him. I think they need some consistency with an upheaval as huge as a new sibling rather than an additional big change (ie stopping nursery). And as many others have said, I wouldn’t want to lose the place and have to resettle him in another setting when I return.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/08/2021 14:57

Keep his routine. It'll help with the newborn, as they'll also learn the rhythms of the day.

Having DD2 was so easy in that respect - awake at 7am, drop off with a nice walk in the fresh air, nap at 9.30am, whole rest of morning just me and her, then nap, then waking up naturally just before it was time to get ready to go and collect DD1, then walk home and get food ready...of course at first that 7am waking was following a 4.30am one, but it still created a lovely rhythm to the days and DD1 wasn't bored, lonely and irritable from being stuck with the baby all the time and not seeing/having any friends because they were at their groups, minders, grandparents or pre school.

After all, your DH wouldn't be expecting you to home educate the older ones if they were at school and a DC3 arrived on the grounds that they might have colds, would he?

WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty · 07/08/2021 15:03

My eldest always went to nursery for 2 days a week from starting at 10mnths, when our second arrived we kept him in, it provided him with his routine and familiarity, it meant we got one on one time with the newborn without having to juggle, and may sound silly, for those 2 days I had to be up and out, and once I had dropped my child off I was already out so going shopping/for a coffee etc didn't seem so daunting.

It also meant when I went back to work, he didn't notice as much and I only had to settle the youngest into nursery!

If you can keep sending you lo, I highly recommend it.

twinningatlife · 07/08/2021 15:03

Most nurseries/childcare don't allow 1 day - it's minimum of 3 days or nothing so
I don't think you'll have much choice to be honest? How long maternity leave are you taking? I could only take 18 weeks so there was no point taking my older child out of her childcare setting and losing the place? If you are taking a year id save the money and take them out?

afrikat · 07/08/2021 15:12

I kept my oldest in nursery 4 days a week when on mat leave with my 2nd. Zero regrets

yellowspot · 07/08/2021 15:28

I have a nearly 2 year older and an 29 weeks pregnant. I will absolutely without a doubt keep him in nursery during maternity as long as money allows.
He loves it, it's good for him and it'll stop him becoming too frustrated and bored being stuck as home with a newborn getting lots of attention

DinosaurDiana · 07/08/2021 15:29

I would keep him in nursery. I didn’t remove mine.

cupofdecaf · 07/08/2021 15:29

I'm on mat leave with a 2 year old at nursery. DC has continued with the same days as when I was at work.

His life continues to be consistent.
He has friends
He's learning so much there that I could not do at home with a baby.
Baby and I get some bonding time
No need to settle him back in.

He does shorter days, we have easier starts in the morning that we would if I was at work and I collect earlier though.

He loves it.

User5827372728 · 07/08/2021 15:30

You may not be able to get the 3 days again you need when off mat leave.

I wouldn’t take the month off nursery

I would keep the 3 full days

HollaHolla · 07/08/2021 15:34

Can you reduce his hours to a couple days a week, to reduce your costs - might be a useful half way house? Also, I think you will be glad of some time with the new baby. If your older son enjoys his time at daycare, I would try to find the money to keep him there in some way. Finally, would you be at risk of losing his space for after Mat Leave, if you took him out altogether?
Wishing you well for the new baby. 👶🏻

daisybrown37 · 07/08/2021 15:35

Mine was 2 years 9 months when his brother was born and I kept his 3 days at nursery. He needed the routine and I needed to keep the space. Plus, my youngest needed time as well.

He did do shorter days as I could pick him up earlier.

Original poster
Samafe · 07/08/2021 15:36

Thank you all for your message!
I spoke already with the nursery and they were fine with the 1 day/week format, but he would loose his place if we decide to stop sending him, of course.
In regards to the month off we were planning to take immediately after birth, we need to pay the fee anyway. We were thinking to enjoy the first month as family of 4 since my DH is also home....but reading your messages got me thinking that maybe the best thing would be to not take any break at all from day care.
I am taking 20 weeks of maternity leave, my husband will then take an additional month of leave when I am back to work.

Thanks again for sharing your experiences!

OP posts:
Summertime21 · 07/08/2021 15:37

Mine stayed in their routine of 2 mornings at nursery when I had DC 3. It gave me a break to focus on the baby, catch up on sleep or house stuff. It gave them time to play with friends and they felt secure in the routine of knowing what was happening

Babyroobs · 07/08/2021 15:38

If you can afford it I would keep at least a couple of days of Nursery. If you can't afford it or are claiming help with childcare costs then personally i wouldn't do it.

User5827372728 · 07/08/2021 15:38

Sounds like a good plan!

My son is term time only and in the 5 weeks summer holiday I make sure he goes it at least 1 day a week otherwise after the 5 weeks he would
Have to resettle again! Oh and not going to lie I like the day to myself!!!

ajja2021 · 07/08/2021 15:39

I'm keeping my DS in nursery for 1 day per week and family are having him 1-2 days to allow us to sleep and have a break. It'll be good for DS too when baby arrives next week

Jumpingintosummer · 07/08/2021 15:41

I kept DS in 2 days a week when DD was born. It was great for us both as he loved his friends and I could do baby group/coffee with friends etc without hum 2yr old to worry about.

Theworldisfullofgs · 07/08/2021 15:44

DD was 4 when ds was born. So older but this is how it went. Day 1, 2 and 3 great. Day 4 - 'can I go back to nursery now as babies are boring'.

I'd keep him in nursery some of the time for his and your benefit.

chocolateoranges33 · 07/08/2021 15:45

I kept my eldest in childcare 3 days per week for my entire mat leave for DC2. No regrets. DC1 had a much better time at nursery than he did with me & DC2 on the other 2 days.

If you can afford it, keep him there at least 2 days per week. He wouldn't be missing anything with you and DC2 as newborns only sleep, eat & fill their nappy - it's not as if they would be playing with each other.

20viona · 07/08/2021 15:46

If I could afford it I would 100% keep him
In nursery.

Hardbackwriter · 07/08/2021 15:51

We were thinking to enjoy the first month as family of 4 since my DH is also home....but reading your messages got me thinking that maybe the best thing would be to not take any break at all from day care.

Apart from not breaking your older child's routine, the other reason I'd recommend continuing daycare while your DH is on paternity leave is that I found that in those very early days when I was establishing breastfeeding etc DH naturally took over DS1 care most of the time when he was home - so the time when DS1 was at nursery was the only real time he got to bond with the newborn, which was quite precious. It is lovely having lots of time to bond as a four but it doesn't need to be every single day for that.

SuddenlySusan · 07/08/2021 15:55

I agree. If you can afford to keep everything the same, do it. In fact I’d up their days! 🤣🤣

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 07/08/2021 16:04

Absolutely agree with you, keep to his routine at nursery. I did the same when I went on may leave with my youngest. It gave me 3 weeks to de-stress from work and get everything ready for the new arrival. Plus DD would have been happier with her friends and after DD2 was born, we had the days to ourselves to bond. Good luck!

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