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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call the police? Not sure what to do...

79 replies

Livingtothefull · 06/08/2021 15:01

We can clearly hear the couple next door rowing through the wall, this happens frequently. A couple of times (like today) it sounds as though it is getting really heated and I am actually concerned for her. I could hear him shouting 'Shut up', 'Shut your mouth' over and over again. I heard her whimpering a couple of times as if she might be in pain, and shouting 'Let go'.

I don't feel comfortable just ignoring this, however I am worried about making matters worse if I get involved.

I am worried about the possible implications for me if the neighbours were to know I had called the police or otherwise got involved (horribly selfish I know but my family is v vulnerable for entirely separate reasons and I just can't put us at risk in any way) - but am also worried in case it escalated and I had done nothing.

Please advice what you think I should do here?

OP posts:
AnnieKenney · 06/08/2021 17:31

This is my area of expertise (for what its worth)

I understand your concerns and want you to know you can call the police and ask to be kept out of it. If you are really worried and want extra reassurance, you can call Crimestoppers (this is guaranteed to be anonymous) and they will contact the police on your behalf.

Please call - you might save a life.

WaterIsBest · 06/08/2021 17:36

When i was 16, I was straggled to the point of blacking out, outside houses and on a very busy A road, where traffic was at a stand still on both sides by a man alot older than me

Not one person rang to help me, not one!

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 06/08/2021 17:37

For goodness pick up the phone when it’s happening and ring the Police. Your details as caller won’t be divulged.

Always always always ring the Police when your hear or see domestic violence someone’s life could depend on it.

IdreamofPilates · 06/08/2021 17:39

FGS call the Police. A neighbour did this for me many years ago and it saved my life!!

emilyjeff · 06/08/2021 17:44

Was just going to say you can report online as well as by phone, if you were worried about them possibly over hearing your phone call to police.

RB68 · 06/08/2021 18:06

Call

opinionminion · 06/08/2021 19:02

Please please call the Police ...... if I had had neighbours who heard the abuse I was going through he would be in prison now.
You don't have to give your name.

Looubylou · 06/08/2021 19:05

Do they have children? Call, even if they don't, but stress your fear of repercussions.

motherrunner · 06/08/2021 19:07

I wrote a post like this 7 years ago on here. The advice was call the police. I did. I was told it would be anonymous but as I lived in a semi the neighbours knew I had reported them. She didn’t leave him and the DH was abusive to me for the next year until we managed to sell. I don’t regret calling as I don’t think I could have lived with myself if anything terrible had happened, but it wasn’t as ‘easy’ as calling and reporting.

motherrunner · 06/08/2021 19:26

Just re-read my post and it sounds anti-calling which wasn’t my intention. I’m glad I called. I wish I had prepared for the outcome. I learned not to open the door to him, only DH would as he would never shout at him. You need to have a support system in place in case of any repercussions.

Twillow · 06/08/2021 22:16

@PumpkinKlNG

But the neighbours will easily guess who it was
Many people have explained how this doesn't have to be the case. It's no reason not to help. What if it was you?
Monkeybusinesss · 06/08/2021 22:29

The police will never be annoyed you called. It’s not wasting resources.
It might be the first step for her.

Merryoldgoat · 06/08/2021 22:44

What makes your child so vulnerable that you can’t call the police? I don’t understand what the two have to do with each other.

You have heard a nasty argument and suspect violence.

The only option is the police.

Nonmaquillee · 06/08/2021 22:53

Jesus

Just call the police

PumpkinKlNG · 06/08/2021 23:12

I’ve been in the situation and no neighbours called, to answer “what if it was me” ime most people won’t get involved

SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 06/08/2021 23:18

I made this call last year. Tenants before the current ones. Turned out it was the young girl's mother screaming at her and doing god knows what to her. I rang 101 and said I wasn't sure what I should do but that it sounded like someone was receiving a beating. They performed a welfare check and didn't say we had called. Could have been one of three neighbours.

VenusTiger · 06/08/2021 23:23

I realise this thread was hours ago, but I actually hope you DIDN'T call the police @Livingtothefull - purely because he will think his partner called them whilst he was out - and no amount of talking him round will have him believe her.
Either step up and speak to only her, even if it's just a quick knock to ask if she's alright, or see if you can get some other neighbours to go round with you next time and then call the police so it's not just you.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 07/08/2021 00:09

No op don't call the police. Just carry on listening to the violence Hmm People shock me sometimes.

user1471447863 · 07/08/2021 00:23

Please do call - you've then done your bit.
One day it could be your child hoping a neighbour hears their cries and doesn't choose to look the other way.
Hopefully it will be a wakeup call for her and she'll get rid, or simply having the police there offering to help will be the help she's been waiting for. Though realistically it probably won't Sad

I've called the police on a neighbour before when i could overhear him yelling at her to shut up or else he would knock her out - repeatedly. He'd been arrested loads of times previously for DV (police, and ambulance, regularly at their door) & he was an alcoholic & a troublemaker & a general waste of space.
Police turned up in under 10mins (guess their address might have been on a priority list due to being frequent flyers), and although i'd asked to be anonymous i got a phonecall back from an officer wanting to come in and talk to me. He just wanted to go over events and once i'd told what i heard he radioed the others saying they had more than enough to arrest him.

Despite having the police there regularly & him spending time away in jail\rehab or wherever for some reason for years she wouldn't leave him.

VenusTiger · 07/08/2021 00:33

@DeflatedGinDrinker

No op don't call the police. Just carry on listening to the violence Hmm People shock me sometimes.
So the man thinks his partner called them and explodes the situation further? No, wait until he's back and then call - OR, go round with other neighbours and tell him you're calling/you've called the police.
ChunkySloth · 07/08/2021 00:47

@noblegreenk

Please call. An ex battered and tried to strangle me years ago. We lived in a flat and were surrounded by neighbours who definitely would have heard. I can't believe no one called the police. I managed to get away, fleeing the flat barefoot and in my nightie.
Pretty much exactly the same thing happened to me, but I got out the flat and knocked on the neighbours door but they ignored me. I called through asking to use their phone to call the police so they knew it was me and not him but they still didn't answer, and I know they were in.

Cunts.

Pantsomime · 07/08/2021 01:11

Phone the police OP

wobblywinelover · 07/08/2021 01:25

call 101 for advice and explain the situation to them

RonaldMcDonald · 07/08/2021 01:27

Always call the police

YerAWizardHarry · 07/08/2021 01:29

Definitely call. I ended up in court giving evidence against my next door neighbour for the exact same thing. It got dropped at the last minute and he approached me outside the court house all smug. Told him I’d phone the police and give evidence 100 times over until his girlfriend saw him for the piece of scum he was (she’s left him now thankfully)