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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cruelty to children

502 replies

designSalmon · 05/08/2021 21:18

I’ve just read the absolutely tragic story of Kaylee-Jayde Priest. I’ve just been crying my eyes out this evening over the loss of her very short life. She has hair just like my daughter,

I’d really like some recommendations on charities and organisations that try to make a real difference in cases such as these, so that I may make a donation etc.

Rest in peace little girl, I hope you will find the kindness, love and compassion you so deserve in heaven.

Thank you

OP posts:
bluewanda · 06/08/2021 11:42

Let’s not forget this bit either: “Priest was also found guilty of cruelty to a child, relating to the youngster’s historical injuries, but Redfern was cleared of that charge.”

So the physical abuse was clearly happening before the boyfriend arrived on the scene.

ObviousNameChage · 06/08/2021 11:46

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

“Let’s hope they get a life sentence today”

Sadly there’s no chance of that the scum bags were only found guilty of manslaughter not murder. As far as I know manslaughter doesn’t carry a life sentence (well 15-25 years is what is apparently classed as life).
Therefore they probably won’t even get 15 years.

To be fair, it was either manslaughter or the very high risk of one or them or both walking free for murder.
Itwontstopraining · 06/08/2021 11:47

@ObviousNameChage thanks for pointing out, it's such a given I forgot to mention it. But yes it's draining, and missing out on ordinary life makes it harder to deal with the emotional pressures. If all you do is work and sleep and your job is child protection, life becomes rather bleak.

gordongrumpy · 06/08/2021 11:47

@MorrisZapp

Yes. And "the village" doesn't want to raise the difficult kids, the ones who look at adults suspiciously, the ones who carry anger, and behaviours that challenge. "The village" turns its face away, assuming someone else will sort it.

FightingtheFoo · 06/08/2021 11:54

@toocold54

I know it’s in a different place but the exact same thing happened with little Gabriel Fernandez, didn’t it. SS taking the word of parents

I still have sleepless nights over the Gabriel Fernandez case. I think I always convinced myself although it still horrible when they are killed it’s due to the parent snapping, not taking any joy from hurting them.

Reading the texts from this case reminded me of the Gabriel case - as a PP said it’s always a mum and her bf! It’s weird! I can’t fathom one person being like that but two is just inconceivable.
If you got a text saying they hit their child because their nappy was dirty wouldn’t you go mad and report it instead of going along with it too.
It sounds like she was abusive before he came on the scene so maybe they somehow attract them.

If you don’t want your child just give it up for adoption.
I’ll never understand why people keep children (or pets) when they obviously don’t want them.

I'm also haunted by the Gabriel case. The details are absolutely stomach churning. I couldn't bear to click on the articles about Kayleigh and Logan.

I think I read on here - and I believe it - that most of this kind of abuse comes from a situation where children live with a parent who isn't their biological parent.

I'd be hung on here for saying this but the bullshit people keep spinning about how divorce or single parenting doesn't hurt children - it's said to make adults feel better, to justify their selfish decisions. It's not true. There is nothing good for a child that comes of parents splitting up.

FightingtheFoo · 06/08/2021 11:56

And by the way, I think Gabriel's step father got the death penalty. I would love to find one person who, if they actually knew the details of Gabriel's case, could tell me it wasn't deserved.

Soubriquet · 06/08/2021 11:58

I know this is a strange comment and that we are not animals really but humans with thoughts and empathy, but the fact it’s always a mum and her new bf reminds me of animals in the wild like Lions, who kill a females Cubs from the older male to make way for his own.

Poor little Kaylee. I’m just disgusted she had to go through all that and no one helped her

gordongrumpy · 06/08/2021 12:02

There is nothing good for a child that comes of parents splitting up.

Bullshit.

gordongrumpy · 06/08/2021 12:03

And as an adoptive parent:

I think I read on here - and I believe it - that most of this kind of abuse comes from a situation where children live with a parent who isn't their biological parent.

Offensive bullshit.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/08/2021 12:08

I disagree about it being wrong for parents to split up. I think you’re living in the dark ages there. Take it from a someone who witnessed the most appalling rows between their parents which I terrifying for a child that is more damaging to a child than their parents breaking up. I used to pray for my parents to get divorced. You’re obviously in a very happy marriage or you surely wouldn’t have posted that message. Sadly though not everyone is so fortunate. What’s a women or indeed man supposed to do stay with a partner who beats the crap out of them while their kids sit sobbing on the stairs.
Angry

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/08/2021 12:13

I’m quite saddened that Gabriel’s step father got the death penalty. It’s too easy for him. Plus he’s hidden away on protection.
The mother avoided the death penalty because she pleaded guilty.

She shat herself when he got the death penalty. Like I said the death penalty would have been merciful for her. Saying that though they’ve both still got to meet their maker.
She’s also in protective custody after being severely beaten and cut up apparently.

Packingsoapandwater · 06/08/2021 12:16

@tothelakes

In addition/to echo what others have said:

Keep reporting concerns and don't stop doing so because you feel nothing is being done.

Please please please people stop undermining children's social care at every turn. I see it on here so often and it's damaging. If people don't trust statutory services they won't engage or use them.

Yes things go wrong, things get missed and mistakes happen but you are not hearing about the successes and the families kept together and thriving, the young people kept safe etc etc

Please write to your MPs, support campaigns around funding for public services. Not just social care but education, NHS, children's centres, mental health support, addiction services.

And finally, if you really care then don't ever vote Conservative again.

Both Victoria Climbe and Baby P were cases under a Labour government in Labour-controlled boroughs.
DottyHarmer · 06/08/2021 12:23

It’s not so much the kids in single parent households, but the mothers who move in new boyfriends after five minutes. In most cases the woman is the “key holder” so it’s not as if they are economically dependent on a man - any man- for a roof over their heads.

I suppose as someone upthread observed the problem is that swathes of people have no role models, or poor ones. There are now several generations where a resident husband is optional and there is a revolving door of boyfriends. Economically I don’t blame a woman for going it alone - it is often the sensible route BUT subjecting your dcs to unknown men in the house displays wanton disregard for your dcs’ welfare.

moanyhole · 06/08/2021 12:26

The CCTV of the lift and the going to and from the park was heartbreaking, no eye contact, no interaction, no holding her hand. Poor little girl, she deserved so much more.

tothelakes · 06/08/2021 12:27

@Packingsoapandwater yes they were and professionals have learned a huge amount about safeguarding and working together.

I'm talking about the chronic issues with underfunding being seen now.

designSalmon · 06/08/2021 12:29

“I disagree about it being wrong for parents to split up. I think you’re living in the dark ages there. Take it from a someone who witnessed the most appalling rows between their parents which I terrifying for a child that is more damaging to a child than their parents breaking up. I used to pray for my parents to get divorced. You’re obviously in a very happy marriage or you surely wouldn’t have posted that message. Sadly though not everyone is so fortunate. What’s a women or indeed man supposed to do stay with a partner who beats the crap out of them while their kids sit sobbing on the stairs.”

I agree with this. I touched on my difficult childhood in a previous post, this is the reason why, witnessing the explosions between two people who shouldn’t be together. Even as an adult I’m currently in a fight-or-flight mode, I can go from 0 to 100 in a second. It’s caused lasting damage to me.

Divorce is sometimes the better option for children. Divorce really doesn’t have to lead to damaged children, the responsibility lies with the parents to continue responsible parenting and not get into relationships with people who are a threat to their children!! Just because Kaylee’s mum was a single mum, doesn’t mean she should have come to harm.

I think the problems are two folds:

  1. People get married (peer pressure to couple up etc) too easily and have children too easily without realising the enormous responsibility and hard toil that entails. This requires educating our young teenagers.
  2. Cruel parents who completely lack empathy often had terrible childhoods themselves. I don’t believe humans are born evil or cold-blooded.

Both of the above lead to the same path of providing a safe environment and adequate mentoring to our young.

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 06/08/2021 12:35

This reply has been deleted

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DdraigGoch · 06/08/2021 12:37

@Eviethyme

I was on the bus once and got talking to a woman who was on her way to visit her BF in prison and was talking about how hard it is and she misses him blabla... Find out she was visiting her partner WHO beat her 2 year old to death and sexually abused the baby.

Who in there right mind stands by a guy like that?????

Those people need there minds assessed because that ain't right. Only a monster harms a child and only a monster stands by them.

It saddens me how many children are abused/ killed and I've always wanted to do something about it but what can you do apart from keeping your eye out and reporting any worrying behaviour you see :(

This might be an extreme option but sometimes I look favourably upon the idea of sterilisation. Some people are just not fit to be a mother or a father.
Soubriquet · 06/08/2021 12:40

Yes don’t blame divorce or parents not being biologically related to the child

Blame scumbag humans who want to inflict pain on innocent children

Doodlebug71 · 06/08/2021 12:40

@TonkaTrucker

There are obviously evil, highly predatory people but there are also uncaring, biased and blinkered enablers.

This. In my experience, and that of friends who've experienced abuse of any sort, including sexual abuse (always inflicted by relatives in those cases), there are some astonishingly uncaring, biased and plain blinkered enablers out there. All of the cases that I know about have been white British people whose families seemed perfectly normal from the outside. Those families have all shunned the people whose abuse they ignored, and declared them troublemakers.

Those enablers will make all the right noises about child abuse, and how vile it is to do that to someone. Until a relative/close friend of theirs is accused. Then, they'll insist, "That can't be right."/"No, not him/her"/ "They (victim/person who reports what they've seen/experienced) must be making that up." Whole families and their circles of friends will close ranks and insist that their relative/friend cannot possibly have done something so atrocious.

Of the several people I know who've experienced this, every single one of them had told at least one parent, who had silenced them by telling them if they ever told anyone else, Bad Things Would Happen to them/their sibling/s and it would all be their fault. Given that sexual abuse often happens to younger children, it's very difficult for them to work out who to trust. Society has difficulty believing or accepting that a mother or father can abuse or enable abuse of their own children, despite the evidence that some obviously do precisely that.

There really are far too many people who would prefer to ignore abuse, and look the other way, because it's not their business.

As a PP said, protecting childhood pays back over and over in society as you have healthier and happier adults, who also know how to raise healthy and happy children.

The survivors I know have all managed to raise healthy and happy families, because they knew what not to do. They're quite reasonably NC with their own families for allowing that to happen, but because the abuse happened when they were small children, they'd processed it by the time they had their own children, and so just kept their families away from their abusive relatives.

Be the person the child can turn to. Also, be the person your adult survivor friends can trust. It may be they've not reported it yet, because the conditioning to stay quiet is very, very effective. There's a very nasty dream common to survivors. They cannot speak. They'll either be trying to call for help, use the telephone, or something, and their voice simply won't come. When they finally manage to tell someone, that particular nightmare stops.

OhGiveUp · 06/08/2021 12:40

@JaneJeffer He may have played a part in it. Until the trial, we won't know. Sadly not all 13yr olds are good kids.

SnottyLottie · 06/08/2021 12:43

I’ve sent an email to my local MP about the matter, but who would be the most appropriate minister in terms of which department focuses on this particular issue? Is there a children’s social service minister for example or is that a sub of another department?

Itwontstopraining · 06/08/2021 12:43

Can I just add that while new partners is always a factor that social workers need to be aware of, it's wrong to push the agenda on here that that's THE issue.
The most serious abuse cases I've been involved in (including sadly, long term disabilities caused by injuries to young children, and suicide following abuse) have been perpetrated by family members (biological parents or close relatives eg aunts and uncles) or other people involved in the network but not the responsibility of the parent (eg partner of a brother/sister/grandparent who would spend time with the child)

That's not to say that new partners aren't a risk factor but it's important to remember that its not the only thing to look out for.

Maddison12 · 06/08/2021 12:44

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

It’s always mum and mum’s boyfriend, isn’t it. Despicable piece of s**t cared more about getting laid and having a “fit” bloke dangling off her arm than she did in the welfare of her most treasured possession Why have they only been charged with manslaughter and not murder. They kept putting their disgusting hands on that beautiful baby of course her poor little body and fighting spirit was only going to be able to take so much and give up. I was going to say then. One consolation is we all know how other prisoners feel about child abusers and child killers. However they’ll probably be put quivering in protection. Who was there to protect little Kaylee-Jayde. Angry
This^

What gets me is the systems need to protect these vile individuals. They are housed in segregation in prison 'for their own protection', some are even given new identities on release from their (pathetically short) prison sentence. The government bend over backwards to protect these scum, who was protecting the innocent children they were torturing? Makes me so angry it really does.

Itwontstopraining · 06/08/2021 12:49

@snottylottie
There is a children's minister and a chief social worker
www.gov.uk/government/ministers/parliamentary-under-secretary-of-state-children-and-young-families

www.gov.uk/government/people/isabelle-trowler