Cruelty to children

[designSalmon]

I’ve just read the absolutely tragic story of Kaylee-Jayde Priest. I’ve just been crying my eyes out this evening over the loss of her very short life. She has hair just like my daughter,

I’d really like some recommendations on charities and organisations that try to make a real difference in cases such as these, so that I may make a donation etc.

Rest in peace little girl, I hope you will find the kindness, love and compassion you so deserve in heaven.

Thank you

Why doesn't Boris double the sentences for these monsters? It would be a huge vote winner!

Oh the baby died Well in that case 9 years is no where near enough. I do apologise

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

I disagree about it being wrong for parents to split up. I think you’re living in the dark ages there. Take it from a someone who witnessed the most appalling rows between their parents which I terrifying for a child that is more damaging to a child than their parents breaking up. I used to pray for my parents to get divorced. You’re obviously in a very happy marriage or you surely wouldn’t have posted that message. Sadly though not everyone is so fortunate. What’s a women or indeed man supposed to do stay with a partner who beats the crap out of them while their kids sit sobbing on the stairs.

Obviously where there is abuse or infidelity that's an exception.

That's not why the majority of people divorce.

My parents had horrific rows and I used to wish they'd split up.

Then they split it and it absolutely ripped our entire family apart from top to bottom - siblings, cousins etc.

Thank fuck I was old enough that I didn't have to live with them while they went on to find new partners/have blended family bullshit.

@awwlookatmybabyspider you think 9/10 years for killing a child is an "excellent sentence"?

@Awwlookatmybabyspider X-post

I had a convicted sex offender working at our place of work - government office not only can we not discuss his convictions we are threatened with a disciplinary if we do. This leaves us very vulnerable as we deal with vulnerable people and a lot of staff have children we are not allowed to know and whoever does cannot disclose obviously we do but we have to be discreet - disgusting

All the sadness, tears and posting social media status updates do fuck all.

What people need is cold, calculated, targeted vigilance and the willingness to piss people off - and to be able to recognise the truth in the eyes of the abuser and take it on.

I was one of those kids. Nobody took her on. All they needed to do was ask me what was happening and to actually listen to the answer. She was just more 'controlled' in that she had learned from battering the previous one that you don't do things that leave marks hard to explain. And better at explaining the times when she slipped up/blaming me for having funny ideas and making up stories.

If you mentioned this news story to her now, she would be going on about how terrible it was that 'that poor little thing was killed' and it's always the fault of the new boyfriend/no man should never hit a child/it's only when they've got a new man that it happens/drugs and alcohol, though. It fed perfectly into her narrative of being a defenceless little widow so could never be like those people when she was stone cold sober (or only mildly inconvenienced by her prescription painkillers and sleeping pills) and holding a hot iron millimetres away from my face whilst snarling that she was going to melt my face off if I moved.

In short, maybe it's a normal reaction to be so distressed by the idea if you have no knowledge of how it feels to be in such an environment. But that also means you're less likely to realise what is going on under your nose until it's too late or the kid scrapes through to mid teens and goes off to abusive relationships because they never seemed quite as bad as the place they grew up in - after all, the man at least pretends to like and want them some of the time.

Cold, calculated awareness is of infinitely more use to abused children than an ocean of tears and shaking.

@TonkaTrucker @ObviousNameChage

I read a lot of neurology, psychology and related material, and have been part of a few support groups. That one about not being able to speak: it's your brain processing the fact that you feel you can't speak out/don't have a voice. So, whatever's bothering you, find a way to tell someone. Message me, if you wish. I promise it'll be in confidence.

On a not-quite-related note, some months ago, one poor soul who was struggling with those shitty nightmares thought she'd been cursed. Felt a presence in the house, and thought someone was sitting on the bed/her whilst she was asleep in it. It's a horrible neurological experience. Night hags, I think they're called. Olive Sacks wrote a whole chapter on those in his book, "Hallucinations". I wish I'd read that a few years earlier than I did, but at least I recognise the descriptors, and can help other people now

There's a pdf of that chapter somewhere online, but whilst I look for it, try this:

In short, maybe it's a normal reaction to be so distressed by the idea if you have no knowledge of how it feels to be in such an environment.

@NeverDropYourMooncup That's absolutely true. The kid who's in that environment is going to be desperate for someone to listen, and believe them. To not have people respond, "Well, your mum/dad says you made it up. You're a naughty little girl/boy, and must learn to stop making up terrible stories about people."

What people need is cold, calculated, targeted vigilance and the willingness to piss people off - and to be able to recognise the truth in the eyes of the abuser and take it on. That, too. Recognising the stories that don't add up, and asking about the bits that don't add up.

@NeverDropYourMooncup so sorry for what you endured .

'All the sadness, tears and posting social media status updates do fuck all.What people need is cold, calculated, targeted vigilance and the willingness to piss people off - and to be able to recognise the truth in the eyes of the abuser and take it on'

Absolutely agree.

I get that this thread is an outpouring of grief and outrage for a horrible, horrible crime.

But for me the question is: why was the mother unwilling or unable to protect her child? What happened in her life that sent her down this path? Because “monsters” are not just born, they are made. The mum was an innocent little girl at one time: what happened to her between then and now to make her capable of this?

@Itwontstopraining

Can I just add that while new partners is always a factor that social workers need to be aware of, it's wrong to push the agenda on here that that's THE issue. The most serious abuse cases I've been involved in (including sadly, long term disabilities caused by injuries to young children, and suicide following abuse) have been perpetrated by family members (biological parents or close relatives eg aunts and uncles) or other people involved in the network but not the responsibility of the parent (eg partner of a brother/sister/grandparent who would spend time with the child)

That's not to say that new partners aren't a risk factor but it's important to remember that its not the only thing to look out for.

This. Of all the cases I know about, the parents were biological parents, and ended up celebrating 50 and 60 years wedding anniversaries. Their adult children didn't attend the celebrations (they were all NC because of the abuse).

In fact, there was not a single new partner in any of those situations. It was always either one or both biological parents, or a close relative (grandparent, aunt/uncle, cousin etc) inflicting the abuse. When the victim spoke out, they were silenced, and labelled trouble makers and liars. One older lady (she's 70 now, i think) has been shunned and called a liar through her adult years by her whole family after she told her mum (when she was a child) that her grandpa was abusing her. She doesn't want anything to do with them, for obvious reasons, so the shunning is pointless.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-46750678.amp

I just watched the video in this link. The police said they could smell cannabis in the flat. Why did they not ask to check the baby - or did they and I missed it?

Their sole concern appears to be for the welfare of the mother (who is actually later described as the "dominant" partner in the relationship, though they wouldn't have known that at the time I suppose).

Surely when the police are called to a volatile situation like this, any children present should be checked to make sure they're ok at the very least?

@workwoes123 exactly. And how do two people so evil manage to find each other?

This made me sick to my stomach. I experienced similar as a child but luckily I survived. If only the neighbours or someone had spoken out. Speaking from experience, the sad reality is that most people will turn a blind eye. It's painful to think of the daily terror she must have felt at the hands of these monsters. Rip little one.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I’m very sorry to hear about your personal experiences. As I mentioned mine was far from idyllic.

I don’t agree that all this crying and shaking is of little use. I came to this forum to hopefully get some more info on organisations that could help, or become more informed in how I can help. I hope this thread has helped raise awareness of her story and and that of so many others.

I have shaken and cried, AND as a result I have signed up to be a volunteer for Home Start. The two are not mutually exclusive. We are only human. It’s the very raw emotions we experience that propel us to do something about it, it’s hit a nerve.

We should all feel entitled to cry about it.

This. Of all the cases I know about, the parents were biological parents, and ended up celebrating 50 and 60 years wedding anniversaries. Their adult children didn't attend the celebrations (they were all NC because of the abuse).

Yep. My DSis and I were sexually abused by our F, in a seemingly secure nuclear family with parents who were happily married. This was because my DM had no idea what was going on under her nose.

He died 23 years ago, thankfully. We told my DM a few years ago and she was absolutely horrified.

It isn’t only ‘broken homes’ where abuse happens. Our lives would have been much better if our home had been broken.

@bluewanda

Why doesn't Boris double the sentences for these monsters? It would be a huge vote winner!

Because law has to be passed properly through parliament and shouldn't be brought about by knee jerk emotional reactions.

Because law has to be passed properly through parliament and shouldn't be brought about by knee jerk emotional reactions.

@Lockheart do you think 9-10 years is an adequate sentence for killing a child?

I'm reading the Priest case. What I don't understand is, if a child has broken ribs..broken Sternum, would this not be obvious? Is it a silent injury-where it could be broken but there wouldn't be no clues? If this is the case, then why her injuries obvious to others? So sad

@bluewanda

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-46750678.amp

I just watched the video in this link. The police said they could smell cannabis in the flat. Why did they not ask to check the baby - or did they and I missed it?

Their sole concern appears to be for the welfare of the mother (who is actually later described as the "dominant" partner in the relationship, though they wouldn't have known that at the time I suppose).

Surely when the police are called to a volatile situation like this, any children present should be checked to make sure they're ok at the very least?

It's ridiculous, you could also tell that the mother was on drugs.

@Piccalino3

I read about the death of poor little Kaylee this evening for the first time and I want to weep. The cruelty that poor little girl went through in her short life. Her death was awful, terrifying and barbaric but thinking about what her life must have been like makes me sick to my stomach. I hope she knew love. That poor poor little girl. I look at my young children and although I'm not a perfect parent by any means I just cannot imagine what she went through, the terror, pain and confusion. It absolutely breaks my heart.

Thinking of Kaylee, Logan and Amanda tonight. What evil monsters there are in the world.

Please add Asiah to that, Verphy Kudi has just been jailed for nine years after Asiah died.

But for me the question is: why was the mother unwilling or unable to protect her child? What happened in her life that sent her down this path?

Kaylee's grandmother who is quoted in the papers seemed to care for Kaylee and reported the mother (who I assume is her daughter) to social services.

@LizzieW1969

*This. Of all the cases I know about, the parents were biological parents, and ended up celebrating 50 and 60 years wedding anniversaries. Their adult children didn't attend the celebrations (they were all NC because of the abuse).*

Yep. My DSis and I were sexually abused by our F, in a seemingly secure nuclear family with parents who were happily married. This was because my DM had no idea what was going on under her nose.

He died 23 years ago, thankfully. We told my DM a few years ago and she was absolutely horrified.

It isn’t only ‘broken homes’ where abuse happens. Our lives would have been much better if our home had been broken.

Yup. Recently broke my ankle and had xrays. They discovered 3 old fractures to my foot/toes. I remember it like it was yesterday, a door repeatedly slammed on my foot. My mother (yes I'm still in contact,no comment) has no idea how it could have possibly happened and do I ever remember hurting it and being in pain? That's on top of emotional and mental abuse too. It wasn't the first or last time either. A very respected, loved and universally acclaimed midwife.

@Nivealove how come the police didn't arrest him/them when they could smell the cannabis as well? I thought it was illegal to smoke cannabis in your home? Especially with such a tiny baby present