Would you be upset if someone called you a jackboot?

[blue1000]

Close family friend said the best way to describe me was jackbooted. I am upset and not sure how to tackle him, or whether to just let it go?

He's probably just a lot more interested to see all his family and friends together than planning out the day to the nth degree. Some food, music and people. I'm not sure why it needs lists and lists and I can see why he might be losing patience the level of detail.

Despite that, it seems like one of those remarks where you are being so dramatic it is implicitly known that it is a joke. I hope when I get to 90 people will give me a little leeway or at least be plain that they had been offended so that the misunderstanding can be fixed quickly and don't play passive aggressive games about it all.

I wouldn't be bothered by name calling tbh. Sticks and stones etc.

"I'm sorry you are struggling."

OP, you are really coming across as very defensive. Have you ever been described that way before? I'm wondering whether taking offence at light-hearted comments is out of character or usual for you. Either way, it's kind of you to plan the party and I hope this doesn't blight the whole experience for both of you.

@nimbuscloud

I’m pretty sure it’s a reference to Nazi Germany.

Without googling, that's my understanding too.

He’s 90. Men generally don’t give a fig about what sandwiches fillings will be provided etc.
If you are organising the party, can’t you choose the food and drink, surely you must know what he likes . I’d just say “any preferences for food and drink?” and leave it at that.
Hope you all have a nice day and don’t fall out again.

I wouldn't have found this offensive.

A misunderstanding I think.
A bit like your thread title, because he didnt call you a jackboot. Just a reference to you wearing them, for making and giving lots of lists and stuff to do for a (almost) 90 year olds birthday party.

It's a fairly commonly used term, said to both women and men when they're being bossy. He obviously didn't mean he thinks you're a Nazi, and I don't know why some people here have read it as being sexist.

Now you've provided the context it's quite obviously a lighthearted remark which you seem to have taken in the wrong way. I'd think no more about it.

So he thinks he’s being bullied, probably not the best use of words from him but not knowing him does he have form for being outspoken? If so, just have a word and say I’m just trying to help. When organising a party you need to be a little assertive or nothing gets done 😀

He’s 90. It was a throwaway comment when you chucked a list of things at him that he needs to think about and make decisions on.

There is such a thing as adjusting your approach and expectations for your audience. He could be the most ‘woke’ (hate that term) man in the world, but he’d still be of his time. And he’d still be 90.

Of course he wants his party. It’s also right that the decisions are his.

Why this rush to seek external validation from a bunch of strangers about a term you didn’t even know what the meaning of?

Just ask him to make decisions about one or two things at a time, and maybe tell him that having this party at your house isn’t without a quite a bit of work.

TBH, I have never heard of anyone described as a jackboot or behaving like a jackboot. I suppose I will be accused of having a limited vocabulary now

Obviously, I know what jackboots are, but have only heard of them in the context of footwear, not a personality trait or used as a symbol of cruel or authoritarian behaviour or rule.

@HestersSamplerofCarrots

He’s 90. It was a throwaway comment when you chucked a list of things at him that he needs to think about and make decisions on.

There is such a thing as adjusting your approach and expectations for your audience. He could be the most ‘woke’ (hate that term) man in the world, but he’d still be of his time. And he’d still be 90.

Of course he wants his party. It’s also right that the decisions are his.

Why this rush to seek external validation from a bunch of strangers about a term you didn’t even know what the meaning of?

Just ask him to make decisions about one or two things at a time, and maybe tell him that having this party at your house isn’t without a quite a bit of work.

I don't think I sought external validation. I simply asked if anyone else would be upset by the term. It seems that some posters think that I'm totally out of order to be upset and others think its a reasonable response. Yes, he's almost 90 and I need to take that into account, I am probably being over sensitive as I so want to get it right for him. I'm hosting and paying for it and am happy to do so but I do want him to have some input. We've had a chat over breakfast and he's given me lots of info on what he wants so it's sorted, and I've got over his comment. Thanks everyone for your feedback - even the stuff I didn't like.

From your OP, yes I would have been offended. But from your follow-up, where you wrote what he actually said, then no. That's a lot less offensive and basically harmless. I wouldn't get worked up over that.

The posters who thought it were reasonable were responding to your OP where you claimed to have been called a name and there was no context. Minds were changed when a -we realised you hadn't been directly called a jackboot and b- the context of the comment

No I wouldn't be offended and I'm really surprised that so many people on here would be. He just means you're being a bit bossy, is it really that bad?

Are you kidding? It's an accusation of being a Nazi. As you say, cruel, dogmatic, authoritarian.

Someone who is 90 knows exactly what they are saying. BUT, they may also be used to using more robust, prejudicial language in everyday parlance than would now be acceptable.

A similar but ostensibly complimentary phrase would be 'well, you know how to make the trains run on time.' A reference to Mussolini's Nazi regime.

Does he want you to organise this thing or not?

Really, this just sounds like another privileged, cosseted bloke who thinks that parties 'just happen' because women somehow magic them up. Who has never before had to play any role in their organisation.

I think you need to have a conversation with him, where you say that you're happy to organise and host this party but there are a lot of choices to make and you're keen to make sure he gets the party he wants, so would welcome his input to those choices.

Also tell him bluntly that organising this thing will take a lot of your time, you're happy to do it but you do not appreciate being rewarded with insults. I would say I was offended by the jackboots reference and wanted an apology. Up to you if you do that.

Sounds to me like something that should be taken with a grain of salt!

If someone said this to me my response would be "Well, duh!" Some people (generally men, sorry but true ime) have no idea what it takes to arrange such things. It's not like people just turn up without invites or that food & decorations get themselves sorted. He's obviously grateful but still oblivious and maybe just meant that he didn't want you to fuss any more than you need to. (A few balloons, sandwiches, a cake and invites doesn't seem so much until it's down to you to arrange! Lol). So just tell him to shut up and make his decisions! 🤣

I would, however, be deeply offended if he had said that was ALL there is to me.

@liveforsummer

The posters who thought it were reasonable were responding to your OP where you claimed to have been called a name and there was no context. Minds were changed when a -we realised you hadn't been directly called a jackboot and b- the context of the comment

Sorry, I probably didn't explain it very well as I was upset last night.

With someone that age I would just ask them who they want there and tell him don’t worry we will take care of the rest. The lists sound a bit tedious. Granted they may need to be done but if it’s his birthday and he’s pretty elderly why not let him have the fun bit without the hassle.

Are you kidding? It's an accusation of being a Nazi.

That wouldn't have occurred to me. As I said earlier, I have never heard anyone use this expression, so I googled it, and I found that it just described someone who was of cruel or authoritarian behaviour or rule. No mention of Nazis.

Someone who's 90 would be well aware of the Nazi connotations, it seems that many on here who are younger are less aware

'Totalitarianism Edit
The boots are connected to fascism, particularly Nazism, as they were worn by the Sturmabteilung and later the field forces of the Wehrmacht and Waffen-SS as part of the World War II German uniform before Germany encountered leather shortages. When goose-stepping on pavement, the large columns of German soldiers in Marschstiefel ("marching boots") created a distinct rock-crushing sound which came to symbolize German conquest and occupation. A similar style of boot had been in use with German armies in World War I, the Franco-Prussian War, and before.'

'Following the 1982 invasion of the Falkland Islands, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher declared that the democratic rights of the Falkland Islanders had been assaulted, and would not surrender the islands to the Argentine "jackboot".

In the United States in October 1993, the National Rifle Association (NRA) ran a four-page ad in the center of its American Rifleman magazine, the first page of which showed goose-stepping, jackbooted legs under the question, "What's the First Step to a Police State?"[8] '

Google it.

Living under the Nazi jackboot is s common phase for articles, book titles etc.

A 90yo would definitely know what they're saying.