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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if someone called you a jackboot?

78 replies

blue1000 · 05/08/2021 20:07

Close family friend said the best way to describe me was jackbooted. I am upset and not sure how to tackle him, or whether to just let it go?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 05/08/2021 20:53

I think I'll just sit still now and wait until he raises the subject again.

Don't let AIBU talk you into acting like a child. This is not a place for real relationship advice. It was a light-hearted remark.

They won't have a clue you are offended and won't know you've stopped being involved; so passive aggressive waiting will fail and you'll feel like a dick.

Go and speak to this person like an actual adult would do and then get on with your life.

Original poster
blue1000 · 05/08/2021 21:10

@donquixotedelamancha

I think I'll just sit still now and wait until he raises the subject again.

Don't let AIBU talk you into acting like a child. This is not a place for real relationship advice. It was a light-hearted remark.

They won't have a clue you are offended and won't know you've stopped being involved; so passive aggressive waiting will fail and you'll feel like a dick.

Go and speak to this person like an actual adult would do and then get on with your life.

Actually I won't feel like a dick in waiting for him to decide what he wants. You however ....
OP posts:
Dougt · 05/08/2021 21:26

In the context you gave it does sound light-hearted/gently teasing!

That how I imagine it sounding but you should know best.

TheGumption · 05/08/2021 21:29

With the context added it doesn't sound mean at all. I'd have laughed. Also he's 90! When I'm 90 I'm going to be feral.

StoneofDestiny · 05/08/2021 21:35

He obviously feels pressured by you asking him to make decisions. Just simplify it - tell him who you've invited, what's to eat and drink and ask if he wants to change anything.

Lollypop701 · 05/08/2021 21:37

Donquix was trying to be helpful. I get that you are upset but no need to be rude! Your family member may be overwhelmed with the decisions you need from them and has reacted badly. I would suggest you perhaps ask for a budget, what they want and give them a couple of options within that

PerseverancePays · 05/08/2021 21:38

I think he just meant in a military way, as in like a sergeant can command his troops. I think he was admiring your organisational skills and your ability to GET STUFF DONE! If he was a horrible rude old man you wouldn’t want to be organising a party for him.
If he says jackboots again tell him you don’t like it and can he think of another word please?
Have a blast.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/08/2021 21:45

If you can't call your friends Nazis at 90, when can you, indeed?! It sounds awful out of context, but I suspect it was meant to be lighthearted and not at all offensive.

Original poster
blue1000 · 05/08/2021 22:22

@Lollypop701

Donquix was trying to be helpful. I get that you are upset but no need to be rude! Your family member may be overwhelmed with the decisions you need from them and has reacted badly. I would suggest you perhaps ask for a budget, what they want and give them a couple of options within that
I think telling someone they would feel like a dick was rude.
OP posts:
Original poster
blue1000 · 05/08/2021 22:25

Thanks for helping me with this. I was upset but think I need to have a good nights sleep then talk to him in the morning.

OP posts:
fourminutestosavetheworld · 05/08/2021 22:26

I'm surprised you were offended by donquixote's supportive comment. For that reason, I conclude that you are over-sensitive and the 'jackboot' comment was said in jest. It certainly wouldn't have upset me - an obvious joke about how disciplined and authoritative you are when organising something.

user1473878824 · 05/08/2021 22:27

It was clearly a joke.

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/08/2021 22:29

I think you're easily offended by the sounds of things. I agree with with donquixotedelamancha, and am struggling to believe you would not organise a 90 year olds party simply because of a bit of light teasing.

Gladioli23 · 05/08/2021 22:32

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I'm surprised you were offended by donquixote's supportive comment. For that reason, I conclude that you are over-sensitive and the 'jackboot' comment was said in jest. It certainly wouldn't have upset me - an obvious joke about how disciplined and authoritative you are when organising something.
I thought it was pretty rude but you have to make allowances for a 90 year old and when you said the actual comment it sounds pretty light hearted.

With your reaction to an otherwise helpful comment as well it does feel like you might be over sensitive? Amongst my friends telling someone not to be a dick is usually just light-hearted.

Squashpocket · 05/08/2021 22:32

Jeez, by that age surely you're allowed a bit of leeway on social graces? It sounds like lighthearted teasing tbh.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/08/2021 22:37

From what you've said I don't think it sounds like he meant to upset you. I can see why it did though!

He's 90, they aren't always so careful with terminology, although I'd never heard the expression before so maybe that's why it wouldn't upset me. Also if my 80 odd year old gf said it to me in this context I'd take it as a compliment

We don't know him though, does he usually make upsetting comments to you ?

Original poster
blue1000 · 05/08/2021 22:37

@Strugglingtodomybest

I think you're easily offended by the sounds of things. I agree with with donquixotedelamancha, and am struggling to believe you would not organise a 90 year olds party simply because of a bit of light teasing.
I'm sorry you are struggling. I have said I will speak to him in the morning and I'll make sure we have a super party.
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/08/2021 22:38

I think donquixotedelamancha's post was spot on.

I have no idea why you took offence there OP.

Ofnorman · 05/08/2021 22:42

@donquixotedelamancha

I think I'll just sit still now and wait until he raises the subject again.

Don't let AIBU talk you into acting like a child. This is not a place for real relationship advice. It was a light-hearted remark.

They won't have a clue you are offended and won't know you've stopped being involved; so passive aggressive waiting will fail and you'll feel like a dick.

Go and speak to this person like an actual adult would do and then get on with your life.

This. Absolutely.
Original poster
blue1000 · 05/08/2021 22:48

I didn't think my stalling was being passive aggressive. I think probably he was overwhelmed with the choices he needs to consider.

OP posts:
OhGiveUp · 05/08/2021 22:53

My DH often says ' oh god, she's got her jackboots on ' when I'm bossing him about ( in his eyes )
I'm not offended by it, and I'm German.
Some things I call him aren't exactly complimentary either 🙂

Guavaf1sh · 05/08/2021 23:33

You are way too sensitive

liveforsummer · 06/08/2021 03:40

Given the context it was clearly a joke/light hearted comment. Your title is also slightly misleading as calling you a Jackboot sounds more offensive than mentioning wearing jackboots, which is what actually happened. No I wouldn't have been upset in these circumstances and agree, given your reaction to some pp's you might be a little over sensitive.

NiceGerbil · 06/08/2021 03:45

To me jackboots are 100% related to totalitarian regimes / dictators.

My first thought is nazi.

I've never heard this word used in passing. It's definitely an insult!

NiceGerbil · 06/08/2021 03:45

Merriam Webster-

'Definition of jackboot
1a: a heavy military boot made of glossy black leather extending above the knee and worn especially during the 17th and 18th centuries
b: a laceless military boot reaching to the calf
2: the spirit or policy of militarism or totalitarianism'