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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to sit in the front seat?

106 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 05/08/2021 00:52

I have had a baby (4months old now) and we are just getting a car now. (Couldnt afford it sooner)

I was wondering why I see so many people where the mum or dad (whoever is the passenger) sits in the back with the baby. I generally get really dizzy in the back and I dont drive therefore me sitting in the back is the only option if one of us has to, but the question is, Does one of us really have to at this age? Or is that more in the newborn phase? Why do people do it if there is mirros that you could hang and i could turn around checking on baby? If it is necessary/ recommended, until what age?

OP posts:

MattyGroves · 05/08/2021 07:33

Mine both screamed a lot in the car so I did sit with them to entertain them, give milk etc. I think it's cruel to leave a baby to cry to sit in the front seat and we did minimise driving (not difficult as we live in London) because the kids hated it.

But if your baby is fine, I wouldn't worry!

HeadNorth · 05/08/2021 07:33

Non issue - sit wherever works for you and your family.

Caffeinemonster · 05/08/2021 07:35

@Happyhappyday

I make DH sit in the back if DD is fussy (he hates driving) so I don’t have listen to the yelling… we’ve never done it for safety reasons (there really aren’t any), just to keep baby quiet

But that is basically for a safety reason if the noise of the baby is distracting the driver.

I started to sit in the back with DC1 when they started being carsick so I could attempt to catch as much of the sick as possible.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 05/08/2021 07:38

I've only done it on the way home from the hospital when she'd just been born.
I can see why people do though as my mum came on a trip with us and it was so much easier to deal with the whining when there's someone at the side of them. I won't be doing it though.
My DD is 17 months now and wants to play peekaboo constantly, or throws things round the car which is difficult to deal with from the front.

When we moved house we had a big van for a few days and my DP loved having DD up in the front with us. He felt she was calmer and easier to deal with.

PluggingAway · 05/08/2021 07:40

I hardly ever see or hear of people doing this. I didn't know it was a common thing. My guess is they do it because their baby doesn't like the car and being in the back allows them to comfort the baby. If your baby likes the car and falls asleep then I wouldn't worry about it. Sit in the front seat.

ZenNudist · 05/08/2021 07:47

I did it once on the way back from hospital with a newborn. We did eventually buy those mirrors so you can check on them but tbh if your driving you can't see much and it's more entertaining for baby.

No need to be over anxious helicopter parents

randomsabreuse · 05/08/2021 07:56

I did for long journeys when they were under 3 months as it was easier to judge whether to press on or stop from in with them. I also also went between the DC when space was tight for a holiday as the empty passenger seat could fit more stuff than the gap between the child seats (and my hips are narrower than DH so only I could fit there...

Agree with the whole passing toys, generally distracting and pointing things out advantage too. However it's not essential, just can make the driving time between necessary stops less!

onelittlefrog · 05/08/2021 07:59

It's probably better they get used to being on their own in the back if they can as they might be with only one adult (who is driving) at some point? But it depends if they are happy or not. If they cry every time then it could be easier to just have an adult sit with them if possible!

Sparklingbrook · 05/08/2021 07:59

Not sure how that would work if it’s just driver and baby as was the case for me a lot of the time.
I think I sat in the back on the way home from hospital then that was that.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 05/08/2021 08:03

owing to the seat belts the baby was in the front of the car.
i remember being picked up by relatives with my pfb at 9 weeks and demanding he sit in the front - they refused

Winwins · 05/08/2021 08:06

With eldest - to entertain them on longer journeys.

With youngest - to point things out the windscreen to try and get them to focus on the road/distract them to prevent car sickness.

We were lucky that we had a big car, but in the car we had when we had our eldest, with modern car seats, if I’d have had to sit with my legs too close to the dashboard and would have found them crushed in the event of a crash.

Briarshollow · 05/08/2021 08:08

@ForeverInADay

I never did this.

Often it was just me in the car driving anyway!

Someone I met at NCT told me she still hadn't driven her own baby when he was 9 months old because despite being able to drive. She couldn't go anywhere unless her husband was there to drive and she was in the back seat!! So she spent her whole maternity leave limited to taking buses and trains. They were still conducting this ridiculous charade when the 'baby' was 3! This was a previously independent woman who practiced as a lawyer!

Madness. I think parenthood does funny things to some previously intelligent people.

I never sat in the back with him, unless the car was full and I had to. He would just look at the dogs and out of the window or go to sleep.

LookItsMeAgain · 05/08/2021 08:08

You can get mirrors that attach to the rear headrests and you can angle them so that you can see what baby is up to in the back seat from the front seat.

Both of my two kids loved being in the car. I personally as a kid got really car sick so no-one wanted to sit beside me as I usually puked up everywhere.

Babdoc · 05/08/2021 08:11

How do PPs think single parents manage?!
I was widowed when both my DDs were still babies. I was in the front, driving, they were both in the back. No option.

yoyo1234 · 05/08/2021 08:14

I don't travel well....my baby travels worse. I sit in the back (did not for my other DC) but that is to check baby is not sick/choking .

KihoBebiluPute · 05/08/2021 08:15

We never had an adult in the back unless the front passenger seat was already occupied. We used a mirror to maintain eye contact with any rear-facing baby (and course sometimes there was a front-facing older child who would be nearer too).

Don't worry about what other people do. It's up to them. You do what works for your family. You aren't doing anything wrong.

Sparklingbrook · 05/08/2021 08:17

I just think that if you have an adult in the back from the beginning and the baby gets used to it then you'll run into problems when you go out alone with just the baby.

Sparklingbrook · 05/08/2021 08:18

@Babdoc

How do PPs think single parents manage?! I was widowed when both my DDs were still babies. I was in the front, driving, they were both in the back. No option.

Exactly. Or Nannies driving their charges about.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 05/08/2021 08:21

Also when they are little it can be worrying that their head may flop about and you might not realise in the front.
Each to their own, I sat with mine in the back for peace of mind. Some people are lucky and relax better

clickychicky · 05/08/2021 08:23

@Babdoc

How do PPs think single parents manage?! I was widowed when both my DDs were still babies. I was in the front, driving, they were both in the back. No option.

I don't think anyone has said someone has to sit in the back.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 05/08/2021 08:23

on my own with my lo he sat in the front, next to me,
is this rear facing ?

budgun · 05/08/2021 08:23

DH used to sit in the back all the time. It wasn't to be with the baby though. It was so the older child could have the front seat as the clear view helped her travel sickness.

Poppitt58 · 05/08/2021 08:24

I didn’t, mainly because I couldn’t sit in the back and drive at the same time!

woodfort · 05/08/2021 08:28

@Babdoc

How do PPs think single parents manage?! I was widowed when both my DDs were still babies. I was in the front, driving, they were both in the back. No option.

No one has suggested it is necessary just that if you have a child that hates the car it may be preferable provided you have the extra adult. I mean, I can’t imagine any parent would leave their baby crying in the back on their own through choice but obviously not everyone has the choice. It doesn’t need to be controversial

Sparklingbrook · 05/08/2021 08:36

If you are driving alone down the motorway with a baby and it's crying in the back then there's not a lot you can do immediately.

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