About booze providing?

[Whosbooze]

Background-I live a good hour away from my best friend and his girlfriend. I've been close friends with him for over a decade and known her for as long, but they've been together about 3 years. We're all close now and get on great.

He earns more than three times as much as me (relevant to a point?) And his girlfriend gave me a load of clothes recently for which she would not accept money. They don't live together-and she is younger than me, so since then I told her I'd buy her a few drinks whenever we got together (again, maybe relevant).

We're not lushes by any stretch but our get togethers every couple of months usually involve booze.

Whenever I go to see them, I take whatever i want to drink with me. I'm the last year or so I can think of 2 occasions where I've stayed at his house for a BBQ and I've always taken a bottle of wine for myself. We're a bit too close to see it as a host thing I'd never expect a gift and neither does he.

He has visited here twice but without his girlfriend (due to her work commitments). He has always brought his own drink and also drank mine
Ive never drank his when visiting him (he never has anything in that I like anyway).

So last weekend they both visited. We went for a day out for food and drinks. Came back to mine, and they both had brought nothing with them to drink and drink all mine. He even whinged about my not having got his choice of wine/ciders.

I didn't think much of it at the time but now I'm feeling a bit irked.

Albu? Should i say/do something?
Maybe not take my own to his in future and ask him to get something in that I like? (He'd likely buy one mini bottle and leave me dry)

This is so alien to me. If booze was running low, one of us would pop to the off licence. I never take what I'm just going to drink; always a couple of bottles to share. Ditto with my friends.

Did you say you would buy them some drinks in return for the clothes?

So maybe that’s why they turned up empty handed? Either that or they’re a bit tight?

I'd just keep it light and next time they're due to visit say "Bring your own beer / wine you cost me a fortune last time cheeky arse"

It is taking the piss a bit really but if you have a relatonship that lets you rip on each other to indirectly get a point over it's better than it being a sit down actual issue.

One of my friends used to be like that all the time but she was a student at the time and always skint. Came here and drank / ate us out of house and home every time but I used to say when she'd qualified and was minted, she could return the favour.

She's now a psychologist and therapist with a massive house in Canada and the second restrictions are lifting she's putting us up for a couple of months rent free and all expenses paid.

All we need are flights and she'll sort the rest. Swings and roundabouts and worth it for two month all inclusive stay in Nova Scotia

@SavageBeauty73

This is so alien to me. If booze was running low, one of us would pop to the off licence. I never take what I'm just going to drink; always a couple of bottles to share. Ditto with my friends.

You can't really 'pop to an off licence' around here unfortunately. Village and everything closes early even if there were one in reasonable walking distance. I always keep a supply of basic drinks in but I really expected them to have their own because we've always done it that way.

@TheDuchessOfBeddington

Did you say you would buy them some drinks in return for the clothes?

So maybe that’s why they turned up empty handed? Either that or they’re a bit tight?

Not really, I told his girlfriend I'd buy her a couple for the next few times we got together, but this was before most of my recent visits there anyway and I didn't say I'd provide for him because of it.

It all seems a bit tight between best friends.
If a good friend was coming to stay and it was to be a piss up I'd stock up, as would they for me.
Unless you're all on the breadline I'd never begrudge someone some alcohol (although these days are well behind me, I barely drink now, but when I did I would find it strange for everyone to have their own drink exclusively for them).

I always cater for my friends when I bring alcohol, regardless of them coming to me or vice versa. We all have similar tastes and budgets though. Sometimes what I bring gets opened, sometimes not. I never, ever take any unopened bottles home. Nor they when they bring alcohol.

Alcohol generally is wine, beer, champagne or other sparkling.

I'm probably a few years down that track from you, and always have a good supply of booze in - red and white wine, Spanish lagers, vodka, gin, mixers etc. I'm quite happy to share that with anyone, within reason.

Nevertheless, in my circle of friends we always bring booze to drink ourselves at get togethers. If it was a dinner party I might expect to be given a bottle, not necessarily to drink that night, but otherwise we all bring our own.

People who turn up empty handed get on my nerves, just bring something whether you drink or not

Are you all friends with the Hamper spa posh packet of crisp girls?

So petty! They came back after a night out and drank your booze.

So what? Different than turning up planned empty handed.

I’d take what I drink and some of what the others drink.
To me that’s the right thing to do.

You’re being a bit tight there op. It was after a day out, I’m assuming you invited them back and they didn’t barge their way in, and normally they bring booze, you’d have seen they didn’t bring booze on the day out, so if you didn’t wish them to drink any of yours you should have said they couldn’t come back

It sounds like you've just turned 18 or something. Most normal adults don't keep some kind of weird drink tally, unless you are broke then you should just tell you friends that you can only buy your own drinks. Or if you are broke, don't go drinking?

It's called hosting - you provide for your guests. If you cannot afford to do so and they are good friends then you need to tell them.

This seems so petty if you’re both able to afford booze. Different if you’re trying to have a good time on the breadline. In your shoes I’d take a bottle of wine to theirs and have a bottle in for when they stay and not worry about it.

Was it a last minute decision to go back to yours after being out for day?

Do you usually go out then back to his or yours? We often byob within close friends when visiting but we wouldn't carry it around while out then go back to someone's house. In that instance the person hosting would have a couple of options and nobody would expect their own preference.

However if it is normal within your group to go out, back to yours and still bring your own then I expect it must be a misunderstanding with clothes as first time they have not brought their own.

@SavageBeauty73

This is so alien to me. If booze was running low, one of us would pop to the off licence. I never take what I'm just going to drink; always a couple of bottles to share. Ditto with my friends.

We don't all live within walking distance of an off licence - which is why we have a well stocked wine rack

Met up with friends every month for years, once per month various houses sometimes mine sometimes Jane's sometimes Sam's etc. If I host I'll put food out few nibbles etc vice versa if it's anyone else they'll do the same. But everyone buys and drinks their own alcohol. If a friend is skint and having a down day or whatever I'll say come over and I'd treat to wine it's on me etc... but in normal situations I'm not paying for someone else's booze all night and I don't expect anyone else to pay for mine. There's a difference between sharing a £2 pizza and a few bottles of wine that cost £9 each. It's freeloading and taking the piss.

To those who say I shouldn't have invited them back, sorry should have clarified I live a long way from them and they were to stay over. We knew we'd come back here early so they absolutely knew we'd probably have a few drinks-same as always occurs with us and has for years.
Totally agree different at a dinner party and totally agree again that if the norm amongst peers is you drink theirs at their house so they drink yours at your house, fine but this isn't and never has been the way this particular couple of friends has done it.

@Sally872

Was it a last minute decision to go back to yours after being out for day?

Do you usually go out then back to his or yours? We often byob within close friends when visiting but we wouldn't carry it around while out then go back to someone's house. In that instance the person hosting would have a couple of options and nobody would expect their own preference.

However if it is normal within your group to go out, back to yours and still bring your own then I expect it must be a misunderstanding with clothes as first time they have not brought their own.

Yes they were staying over and had arrived at my house that morning with their things. Every time this has happened inthe past we've brought our own. Of course I'd not expect them to lug bottles of fizz to the day out.

I think it’s rude to only take your own drink. We always take something we know our hosts enjoy, for them.

It's all a bit mean to be honest. This tit for tat business I don't get. You bring a £10 bottle of wine to his for yourself when he has a BBQ so what. I mean if it was all one way all the time then its unreasonable but sounds like it's not.

@WeAreTheHeroes

It's called hosting - you provide for your guests. If you cannot afford to do so and they are good friends then you need to tell them.

He doesn't provide mine when I stay with him though and never has nor vice versa.

I don't think it is a misunderstanding with clothes. I actually said I'd buy her a few glasses of X when I saw her and he doesn't drink X anyway and had nothing to do with that conversation.

What a petty, tit for tat way to run a friendship. If you know people are coming over buy in what they like and a bit extra.