9 year old says she likes girls but is confused

[Rusty321]

My 9 year old dd just asked if she could tell me something and said she's into girls. I said right, ok well thats alright. She said I was worried about telling you, I said it doesn't matter whether you like girls or boys.
Is there someone you like, she shrugged. I said OK, well if there is that's ok and if there isn't that's ok too, you're only 9 there's no rush. Then she said it's all confusing and I asked what she meant and she said who I like.
I said we will love her whoever she likes and I dont want her to feel that she has to worry about putting labels on herself, she can be who she wants and like who she wants.
I just don't know whether I handled it right, it came as a bit of a shock an I was completely unprepared for it tbh 😕
I've told her we can talk about it whenever she wants, if she's confused or knows but also that there are lots of changes going on in her body at the moment also and that she can talk about how that makes her feel too if she wants 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️👀

You handled it perfectly and she knows she can come to you now without any worry.

That's soo young. Think you went about it the right way. Let her know you love her regardless.

I think you handled that really well OP. I have no experience to call on, but I imagine being open to talk and accepting is all you can do. At age 9, saying she likes girls, might mean something very different to what we would mean and feel.

You handled that well. Only thing I did in addition was tell mine it was ok to be confused for years and it can even in some cases take until your twenties or even later to figure out your sexuality. Not everyone “knows” who they like romantically from a young age. There is no pressure either. She can explore her feelings for many years to come before knowing which label actually fits.

Sounds like you said the right thing.

Though personally I think shes too young to really know. I was convinced I was a lesbian till I was about 14 just because I didn't fancy any boys and found women more aesthetically pleasing, but then hormones kicked in and I definitely wasnt a lesbian. Though saying that my friend who's gay said he "knew before he even knew what gay was" - so maybe 🤷‍♀️

Either way I guess it doesn't really matter? As long as she knows shes supported whatever direction she goes in.

That’s perfect! No need for more, OP.

She's dog crazy, so I did add that if she decides she never wants a girlfriend or a boyfriend and wants to be a crazy dog lady thats fine too 🙈😆
Thank you 😊 as I said I wasn't expecting it, in fact I was led on the sofa not feeling too good!
She did tell me a few months ago about a year 2 in her school who was a boy but is now a girl, so obviously that has been addressed with them and when she told me I asked what she thought and she thought it was fine.

I’m bi so occasionally I say to DD (8) that she can like either boys or girls or both, whichever she likes when she grows up!

Sadly her current crush seems to be on Harry Potter, which seems like a hiding to nothing, him not being real and all that

She’s 9! She’s not old enough to be ‘into girls’
She has a collection of friends, some she likes more than others. As a 9 year old it’s quite common to prefer spending time with other girls! Why do you think she’s decided that it means more than that?
My 9 year old tells me that ‘boys are rubbish’ that doesn’t mean either she or me think she’s gay. She might be but it’s not really something I’d get into deep conversations with her about.
I think you handled it rather well actually. You acknowledged her without making a drama out of it.

Well done OP. As others have pointed out - 9 year olds shouldn't have to worry about any type of intimate relationships / sex changes at that age. They're children and need time to grow and develop friendships, resilience, confidence and a sense of their developing selves - not fret about relationships.

It sounds as if you've handled it really well. Everything we can do as adults to protect young children from adult issues gives them the space to develop and grow, and not be influenced by things that they're not mature enough to navigate..

I dont necessarily think I does and that's sort of why I asked gentle questions but she couldn't really answer them, she just shrugged.
She said she was worried about telling us so I guess she thinks it means something but I told her there's plenty of time for relationships and deciding who she likes yet and also that she can change her mind!
I think we live in a world where things are a lot more open and they see a lot more :)

At that age shes still learning about herself, i had crushes on girls and women at that age im not gay but im sure lots of gay women also had crushes on girls and women either way it doesnt really matter, she can figure it out as she gets older.

They sometimes know early. DD was very blah blah 'when I marry a girl or boy or no one'. Then BANG at ten years old, crush on a certain Avenger. Blushing, squirming, Googling him. It's hormones but they can kick in early or late.

I am straight but had huge crushes on females at that age and more seriously in my twenties. I was going to say its a downside of kids learning about sexuality earlier but actually it is not a downside because straight not being the default is better for equality and for everyone. We just don't have a template for these conversations but I like what you said. My dd 17 checked out with me how I would feel about her being gay if she was recently. I remember doing the same with my ddad at her age.

I think you handled it perfectly. It was very similar to what I said to my Dd when she said the same to me aged 11.

She’s 12 now and still thinks she might like girls, but I don’t remember myself being interesting in either (it turned out to be boys for me) until I was a bit older than that.

I agree with keeping an open mind, making sure they know it doesn’t make a difference to you either way, but not pushing them towards pigeonholing themselves at a young age.

I knew aged five I was different than my peers. I'd be careful of people saying she can't know her mind at this point!! Either way, just keep on actively supporting, loving, and respecting her. Whoever she grows up to be, she'll know her mum really cares for her, and that's priceless.

Your response was good

Aged 10, a classmate told me that lesbians loved women. I thought I must be gay, because I loved my Mum. I'm not sure a 9 year old understands all this

My line is "we just want you to be happy and safe. Anyone who treats you well will always be welcome here"

I think you handled it very well OP.

She's NINE.

A girl in my old class told me she was a lesbian. She’s just turned 10. I didn’t have much of a reaction - just said that’s cool!

Whilst I’m not exactly sure that’s an identity that she’s going to stick with her whole life, I do think the “they’re too young!” thing is weird. 9 and 10 year olds have crushes on each other (believe me) and no one says that a girl is too young to have a crush on a boy or vice versa. It doesn’t mean they absolutely are gay, bisexual etc, but it doesn’t mean their feelings are invalid. I certainly knew I had crushes on girls at that age.

I think it sounds like you handled it fine!

She's far too young to understand her sexual preferences yet! I remember crushes on older girls at just a little older than she is, and I was at least 12 before I suddenly realised that boys were a thing. Before that, the romantic moments on film and TV were just soppy and pointless. And then suddenly not. The switch was practically overnight, and it was an epiphany. I guess that was hormonal changes.

At her age, same-sex friendships are intense and overwhelmingly important and girls can get really possessive. It's perfectly normal and it's sad she is upset and worried by adult concepts she is not yet ready for.

She probably won't have a clue yet whether she is gay or not. She should just be enjoying her childhood.

Let me guess, she goes on Instagram/TikTok?

Sounds like you did absolutely great.

I think you sound like a lovely Mum

@EishetChayil

She's NINE.

And..?

I had pre-pubescent crushes at nine. The OP’s reaction seemed great to me. The first stirrings of attraction feel important but don’t mean there’s any long-term clue of adult sexuality.

What would you have said?