9 year old says she likes girls but is confused

[Rusty321]

My 9 year old dd just asked if she could tell me something and said she's into girls. I said right, ok well thats alright. She said I was worried about telling you, I said it doesn't matter whether you like girls or boys.
Is there someone you like, she shrugged. I said OK, well if there is that's ok and if there isn't that's ok too, you're only 9 there's no rush. Then she said it's all confusing and I asked what she meant and she said who I like.
I said we will love her whoever she likes and I dont want her to feel that she has to worry about putting labels on herself, she can be who she wants and like who she wants.
I just don't know whether I handled it right, it came as a bit of a shock an I was completely unprepared for it tbh 😕
I've told her we can talk about it whenever she wants, if she's confused or knows but also that there are lots of changes going on in her body at the moment also and that she can talk about how that makes her feel too if she wants 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️👀

I hate when people say children are to young to know how they feel! I was 9 when I knew! Now at 29 I have never been with a man/never kissed a man and in a long term relationship with a women!

You did exactly the right thing op!

No, she doesn't have either of those.

Handled it well op.

Funny timing as my daughter who is 9 asked me today if I was bi and if I’d ever liked girls. She said that her older sister and cousin had told her you can be bi and like boys and girls as crushes. She said she thought maybe she’d be bi when she’s older as she finds most boys really quite annoying and much prefers spending time with her female friends. Her dad and I reassured her in the same way you did, I think you did a great job. We just said you can like whoever you like and there’s no rush to decide either way.

@RedHead2608

I hate when people say children are to young to know how they feel! I was 9 when I knew! Now at 29 I have never been with a man/never kissed a man and in a long term relationship with a women!

You did exactly the right thing op!

Well when I was 12ish I thought I liked girls and never in my 28yrs been with a woman It was a phase for me. 9 is very young you’re not even coming puberty. I actually know MANY straight people who had the same feelings as me.

I don't think 9 is too young to have an idea, I have 3 boys and on a couple of occasions they have had "girlfriends" as young as 4 or 5! Don't get me wrong, it's only ever an affection for a girl at school who is "kind/pretty/good fun" - even the idea of hand holding was the hight of inappropriate embarrassment, but they would get a card on valentines day and get birthday gifts etc.

I think you handled it fine! My biggest worry has never been about their sexuality, but their ability to accept themselves without any feelings of shame. Some feel it overboard but I've always said "when you grow up and have a girlfriend or boyfriend..." and whilst so far, all 3 seem to 'like' girls, they're very accepting of other people and don't view one sexuality as default or normal.

You're a lovely mother, OP. Handled it perfectly. I wish I had had that instead.

She did tell me a few months ago about a year 2 in her school who was a boy but is now a girl

Year 2? That's six or seven years old?

@DameAlyson yes!

Your response sounds perfect. Many gay and bi people know from a young age. (Presumably many straight people do too, though they tend not too get asked at what age they realised they were straight!) For others, it's more fluid. Just reassure her and stay open to whatever happens.

She's 9. At that age, and into the early teens, I (and most of my friends) thought that boys were revolting creatures.

I knew I was attracted to girls and boys at this age. Most people told me it was a phase and that I would grow out of it. I definitely think you handled it very well. For me the knowledge that quite a few are told it's a phase and then get over it is a strong indication of how hard some people will work to fit in rather than deal with their true self, so leaving it as very much open and no big deal gives her more chance to feel she can just be her.

It’s funny I really struggle to relate to such young children being ‘attracted’ to anyone at that age.
You find people you click with and friends you get on with better than others. These can be of either sex but beyond that?? It’s certainly not something I remember myself.

I think you handled it well, OP. You might be able to take some of the pressure off by letting her know she doesn't have to make any decision at all for a long time, at which point it will hopefully feel natural and obvious. I think it's difficult for kids to have discussions/lessons around gender and sexuality at an age when they are pre-pubescent and don't really have a concept of what any of it means. I think I would tell her that those are grown-up decisions and she doesn't have to make them until she's older.

Sounds good to me.

DC had a friend over a couple of weeks ago who wanted 'to tell mum something but over a text', which I quickly worked out was "I think I'm gay."
Child in question is 10.
Our household is very accepting and it was easy enough to bring the topic up in a general way by talking about friends I have (male and female who like the same sex). I did say that it didn't really matter which sex anyone preferred, as long as they treated people with love and respect, and were loved and respected in turn. However, I also reminded them that they were only 10 and it was absolutely fine if they changed their mind at another time - there was no need to feel that they had to 'fit' any particular type.
Hopefully that worked well as they did then message their mum, who appears to be absolutely fine with the information.

A six year old at her school was a boy and is now a girl? Absolute rubbish. I’d be telling her that’s not possible and teaching her to centre herself and her own boundaries.

@irresistibleoverwhelm

That’s perfect! No need for more, OP.

this

9?! My almost 9 year old DD has never discussed Or talked about 'liking' anyone in that way. She just has pals, most of whom are girls these days. It seems very young to be pondering all of this but sounds like you handled it fine.

You did great!!
! My 9 year old asked me about lesbians and said she wanted to be one and the next day told me the boy up the road was her boyfriend, I told her that was ok too because I like boys and girls.

Meh. My daughter told me she was gay, bi, straight then for a week I had to call her ‘Kayden’ as she was a trans boy (that still for all intents and purposes dressed exactly the same way she did as a girl.) Each phase was over very quickly and she’s an older teen now with a boyfriend and cringes when reminded of these phases. I did same as you OP. Told her I’d love her whatever and smiled and nodded.

You handled it well. For years I've been pointing out it's possible to like/marry men or women when they grow up. I also refuse to stigmatise the word gay and pull my dc up for bigotry if they use it as an insult.

One of my friends daughters has been referring to herself as a lesbian for the last year or so since she was 9. I don't think it's coming from her as her best friend is trans and her dsis is a 16yo stereotypical non binary.

Way too young for a child to even understand these things. I would take it with a pinch of salt.

She's 9!
My son has 'girlfriends' & 'boyfriends'. He's 9.
There's no sexual element.

I had started my period at 9 so I definitely had the potential for a partner and the hormones.