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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be thinking of letting DD go out with this boy tomorrow?

75 replies

fortolke · 04/08/2021 17:42

I'm happy to be told I'm BU!

DD made a lovely friend when she started secondary school, he was in year 10 at the time and they were good friends but when DD went back to school last September, they stopped messaging each other.

They started messaging each other again a couple of weeks ago, today DD asked if she could go out with him tomorrow, to the beach. I told DD I would think about it and I told DH I was thinking of saying yes, but he said I shouldn't let her and the boy's behaviour is ‘creepy’ as he's 17, and DD is only 14, and that we hardly know him as I've only met him once.

AIBU to be thinking of saying yes?

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 04/08/2021 17:44

He's a bit too old for my liking, so it would be a no from me.

cheesecrackerz · 04/08/2021 17:45

I wouldn't allow that

Notimeforaname · 04/08/2021 17:46

Is she even almost 15 and him just gone 17?
Might be a bit different to a young 14 year old vs 17 and a bit.

When I was 14 my first boyfriend was 16. It was seen as the norm . His/my parents never let us upstairs together or anything but we could watch tv downstairs together or hang out in town etc. I had to be home by 9 or 9.30.

Fernando072020 · 04/08/2021 17:46

I think it's a bit unusual. Have you met the 17 year old? Do you know him well?

It does strike me as odd that a year 10 boy would befriend someone just starting high school. I would say no I'm afraid.

Thatsjustwhatithink · 04/08/2021 17:46

He's creepy. The DH has nailed it. If a 17 year old is going after a 14 year old it means no 17 year old girl wants to date him and that's he's a borderline peado.

chalamet · 04/08/2021 17:47

I’d probably say no because I can’t really think why a 17 year old boy would want to hang out with a 14 year old girl one on one.. or rather I can think why, and I don’t like the reason.

It’s purely the age that’s an issue here.

sunshineandshowers21 · 04/08/2021 17:47

i wouldn’t. i’d find it a bit weird a seventeen year old boy wanting to hang out with a fourteen year old girl. then again i’d have found it strange a year ten boy being ‘good friends’ with a year seven and would have stopped the messaging then.

Hellocatshome · 04/08/2021 17:47

So he was in year 10 when she was in year 7 and was friendly with her then? I would be suspicious of his motives especially as things went quiet for a while and have now started again. Was he busy with another girlfriend then and is now bored so contacting DD again? If it was a group of friends I wouldn't be so bothered but just the two of them she could find herself in a difficult position.

WetBench · 04/08/2021 17:49

They have already been friends and depending on when your DD is 15 and when he was 17 I’d say it was ok

Catawaul · 04/08/2021 17:49

How do you know he's lovely if you've only met him once? Why would a year 10 want to hang out with an 11 year old in the first place?

bobandhisburgers · 04/08/2021 17:50

I was very much still a child at 14 and quite different by the time I was 16/17. I'd wonder what a 17 year old boy wants to hang around with a 14 year old girl for. He will be an adult in less than a years time while your daughter will still very much be a child. Your husband is right here.

How do you know he's nice if you've only met him once?

Sprogonthetyne · 04/08/2021 17:50

Seems a bit on the creepy side to me, unless they have reason to know each other (eg. Parent are friends, shared hobbies). I'd also have found a 14yo initially making friends with an 11yo girl creepy.

MrsFin · 04/08/2021 17:50

I went to a wedding 3 weeks ago. The couple were 30 and 27.
They met and started seeing each other when they were 17 and 14.
The older half of the couple is the woman.
No one really batted an eyelid, though they were surprised at the time.

RedHelenB · 04/08/2021 17:52

How did the friendship develop? If it was through a school club or group then I don't think the age thing is a big issue. I'd let her go.

TooWicked · 04/08/2021 17:56

That’d be a no from me.

How did they become friends in the first place, when he was age 15, and she was, what, 11-12 years old?

PercyPigAndMe · 04/08/2021 18:14

Good good - please give your head a wobble. It'd be a no from me.

Monkey987 · 04/08/2021 18:18

@Thatsjustwhatithink

He's creepy. The DH has nailed it. If a 17 year old is going after a 14 year old it means no 17 year old girl wants to date him and that's he's a borderline peado.

Completely agree 1000%. When I was 14 i met a 17 year old boy that gave off weird vibes. 2 years later he was on the local news for raping a disabled girl... There is always a reason they aren't looking for a girlfriend their own age. Be suspicious!

gogohm · 04/08/2021 18:20

My parents were 14&17 when they met, they have been married 52 years! An innocent day out is just fine as they already knew each other

custardbear · 04/08/2021 18:23

Go with your gut instinct

Blossomtoes · 04/08/2021 18:27

There is always a reason they aren't looking for a girlfriend their own age.

And that reason is usually because girls their own age aren’t interested, they want boyfriends a couple of years older. It’s up to you, OP, go with what your gut tells you.

LongDuckDong · 04/08/2021 18:30

It is really interesting reading this as I had the opposite issue. My 17 year old boy was friends with a 14 year old girl and they chatted a lot and saw each other at school. They hung out a bit after school too.
I had seen the conversations that was going on between them and it wasn't anything I wouldn't expect from kids their age. However the girls mother thought he had 'other ideas' and stopped her daughter from having any contact with him.
BTW they were both at the same youth group and that is how they became friends.

worriedatthemoment · 04/08/2021 18:39

How close to 15 and how much passed 17 would make a difference to me?
When i was at school though it wasn't unusual for girls to go out with older boys , but times change and people look at it very differently now.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/08/2021 18:52

Another year 15 dating an 18 year old is pretty common.
Is she friends or planning a date?

Marmitemarinaded · 04/08/2021 18:53

Hello. No.

No no no
At those ages… 3 years is actually very significant

It would be a blanket no from me

AliceMcK · 04/08/2021 18:54

Agree with your DH, you don’t know him and age gap is a big difference at this age.

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