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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be thinking of letting DD go out with this boy tomorrow?

75 replies

fortolke · 04/08/2021 17:42

I'm happy to be told I'm BU!

DD made a lovely friend when she started secondary school, he was in year 10 at the time and they were good friends but when DD went back to school last September, they stopped messaging each other.

They started messaging each other again a couple of weeks ago, today DD asked if she could go out with him tomorrow, to the beach. I told DD I would think about it and I told DH I was thinking of saying yes, but he said I shouldn't let her and the boy's behaviour is ‘creepy’ as he's 17, and DD is only 14, and that we hardly know him as I've only met him once.

AIBU to be thinking of saying yes?

OP posts:

Rivermonsters · 05/08/2021 13:23

@Namechange125 because he’s a creep

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2021 13:31

I would allow it under the rules that she makes her own way there / you drop her and you collect her. No riding in cars with boys. She has an agreed "curfew" so they're not out late enough for a "come back to mine" and you have a birds and a bees chat about what teenager boys can be like, how to say no, and agree a code word she can text you if she needs rescuing.

They WERE friends. But that doesn't mean that's all they'll stay. But banning her will make him even more attractive and her secretive

redtshirt50 · 05/08/2021 13:32

I'd let her go - she sounds open and sensible.

Although I would be prepared for them to start dating.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/08/2021 13:36

I'd let her. She is 15 shortly. If you say no to hanging out outdoors with a friend I think she is going to stop telling you stuff

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2021 13:39

@Thatsjustwhatithink

He's creepy. The DH has nailed it. If a 17 year old is going after a 14 year old it means no 17 year old girl wants to date him and that's he's a borderline peado.

In a month she'll be 15, given girls generally seem to go for older lads, 15 and 17 doesn't seem that ridiculous, esp as shes not long 17 so its 2 years not 3. Certainly does not make him a paedophile.

Orchidflower1 · 05/08/2021 13:39

@fortolke your dh doesn’t think it is a good idea. Most of MN think it’s creepy and odd to but you’ve obviously made your decision regardless.

FindYourPorpoise · 05/08/2021 13:43

Is your DH her dad? If so, I don't really understand why this is solely your decision.

DdraigGoch · 05/08/2021 13:58

From your description, it all seems healthy and normal. To be honest, the biggest worry I'd have where a 17/18 year old boy is concerned is of the potential for an accident while driving, though if he is only just 17 he probably is still learning.

HerMammy · 05/08/2021 18:36

I’m in Scotland that would be an S3 girl and S5/6 lad, absolute no no in my DD16 group.
As always we have oh my mum was 14/17 my dad 18/28 and they’re still together pp, doesn’t mean it was ever ok.

Original poster

fortolke · 05/08/2021 23:46

It was raining here today, so he came here and they watched a film together, he didn't seem creepy or anything, although possibly a little bit immature which is probably why he's friends with DD.

OP posts:

DoAMassiveSalad · 05/08/2021 23:51

When I was 17 my first serious boyfriend was 20….but 17 and 14 would be a huge no.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 05/08/2021 23:55

No chance. My son is 17. Lads his age aren’t interested in 14 year old girls so I’d be very suspicious.

EmeraldShamrock · 06/08/2021 00:36

It's nice he came to the house, do they have a shared interest, depending on how they met they might be just friends, if he randomly choose her online I'd be suspicious of him.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/08/2021 00:45

He's 17 and she's 14?

No fucking way

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/08/2021 00:46

@fortolke

It was raining here today, so he came here and they watched a film together, he didn't seem creepy or anything, although possibly a little bit immature which is probably why he's friends with DD.

Did you watch the film with them?

I really wouldn't entertain this OP. It's creep AF

Changemaname1 · 06/08/2021 00:49

To big of a gap at that age , I was still a very much child at 14 and didn’t think of boys in that way really

By 17 I was working , driving , going out to the pub and very much thought of guys in that way

Creepy

Changemaname1 · 06/08/2021 00:50

Should add also there was no way in hell I’d have wanted to hang out with a 14 year old

Maggiesfarm · 06/08/2021 00:51

@fortolke

DD is 15 at the start of September, and he turned 17 a few weeks ago. If DD was born a few days earlier, she would be going into year 11 next month.

They met through a lunchtime club and became friends. They stopped messaging when he started college as he was busy, but he messaged her a few weeks ago saying he missed them being friends etc. He asked her to go ask friends, as they aren't in a relationship and don't think they have been (me and DD have a very open relationship).

Not much more than a year apart then.

I wonder why your husband thinks he is creepy. I would probe that a bit before refusing, he must have his reasons.

If you don't let her go out with him she probably will anyway at a later stage. Just keep an eye on things.

EmeraldShamrock · 06/08/2021 01:11

DD is 15 at the start of September, and he turned 17 a few weeks ago. If DD was born a few days earlier, she would be going into year 11 next month.

It sounds innocent enough to me, invite him over to spend an evening together do a barbecue or something you'll get a feel for him, then decide.

DerAlteMann · 06/08/2021 01:23

@Thatsjustwhatithink

He's creepy. The DH has nailed it. If a 17 year old is going after a 14 year old it means no 17 year old girl wants to date him and that's he's a borderline peado.

When I was a 17 y o boy no 17 y o girl would be seen dead with a boy of my age. Boyfriends had to be older. It was the law.

ConsuelaHammock · 06/08/2021 01:33

I’m glad you let her see him. He’s only a friend and two years isn’t a huge difference. My daughter’s best friend is my 17 year old nephew. She’s 15. She prefers male company as she enjoys gaming and none of her female school friends are into gaming. She is now very good friends with my nephew’s friends too, both male and female. This summer they’ve climbed a mountain together , went to the beach , went out for lunch and shopping etc .
My brother went out with a girl ( his best friend’s cousin) for over a year when he was 17 and a bit and she was 15. They broke up because she wanted to have sex and he didn’t as he knew she was too young . She got pregnant by her next boyfriend before she was 17. It’s not always the boy.

ZealAndArdour · 06/08/2021 01:43

When I was in year 7 the boys in year 10 looked like fully grown men to me and none of them would have looked twice at me. It is a bit off that he’s interested in her when there’s girls his own age (or close) he could go for.

ZealAndArdour · 06/08/2021 01:44

Ahh, seen your update and those ages are much more reasonable.

Original poster

fortolke · 06/08/2021 11:01

No, I didn't watch the film with them, although I was going in and out of the living room regularly.

OP posts:

Justcurious93 · 06/08/2021 11:08

I think it's fine it sounds like just over two years between them? I was in a relationship at 17 with a 19 year old and noone batted an eyelid (still together now at 28 and 30!)

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