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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Was I/Am I’ BU

63 replies

Wills · 03/08/2021 22:15

Much to my horror, my youngest (11yrs) had to have a tooth removed today because of decay. She’s the youngest of 4 and the other three have always heeded my nagging (though the 3rd is close to DC4) and never got to this stage. I haven’t told her off, but never have I molly coddled her. Having had 2 teeth removed due to old age/grinding my teeth I knew what she was going to go through. I didn’t dramatise it but equally I didn’t say it would be pain free. However….. I really thought they could protect her more than they did! I knew the injection would bloody hurt (anyone whose had a dental injection will know its squirming around in the dental chair painful) so I held her (well I held her hand although they made no allowances for me to get near her and the dental nurse made loads of noises about how my child should hold her hand rather than mine), I had to bend myself around the chair and light to simply get hold of her. She sobbed loads during the injection and I get that. It’s during the extraction that I got upset (not that she knew!). They/he kept promising her that it wouldn’t hurt anymore, yet at the last stages she was in obvious agony. All I knew is that if I’d bought it to a close, she’d have to go through another injection and from previous experience I know that’s the worst bit. Anyway. He pulled it out,

I was/am somewhat gobsmacked by my reaction. He pulled the tooth and placed it in a small dish beside me. I looked at it and all I could think was “I made that! And you’ve pulled it out and caused my child pain - you bastard”.

I was totally unprepared for how I felt! Has anyone else gone through something similar. My mother talks regularly about ‘mother tiger’ instinct, but that’s the first time I’ve almost raised a fist. I have no doubt that the bulk of responsibility lies with me, but we’ve not missed a single appointment - even during lockdown. So why did he skip an ordinary filling??? Why did she have to lose a tooth? That said she has one behind this and a wisdom trying to come through so the odds are that they’ll close up and she’ll never have a gap. Equally this may be the turning point and she may now look after her teeth (phew). But what a dramatic way to make a point. Has anyone else been through similar. Would love to hear from you!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/08/2021 22:19

Did you ask why they didn't fill it?

Although I already know the answer probably.. covid and aresols, right?

LawnFever · 03/08/2021 22:22

So why did he skip an ordinary filling??? Why did she have to lose a tooth?

Why didn’t you ask that before he did it? Was she in pain before they decided to extract it?

Elnetthairnet · 03/08/2021 22:26

Sounds rubbish. One of mine had to have a tooth out and they put a sponge soaked with local anaesthetic in his mouth to numb the area before the injection. I’d prepared him for the worst having had teeth out myself but he felt no pain at all during the local. Once the injection was in he was completely numb and the actual extraction was painless too. Your dentist just sounds a bit crap.

Letthelightoflove · 03/08/2021 22:27

Oh for Christ’s sake. She doesn’t brush her teeth and she needed her tooth out. The injections aren’t sob-worthy and if (a big if) she could feel nothing after that then of course a second injection would have been better. If the injection was more painful than the extraction then they wouldn’t bother.

You sound dramatic and slightly ridiculous. You need to get a grip.

Letthelightoflove · 03/08/2021 22:28

Could feel anything *

HollaHolla · 03/08/2021 22:32

In the kindest way, do you have health anxiety? The injections can be nippy, but not ‘squirmingly painful’ I’d have thought if you were less dramatic about it all, your child would also have been calmer about the extraction.
It’s an unfortunate situation, but it’s over with now, and hopefully she’s recovering well.

SummerInSun · 03/08/2021 22:33

Is it possible that your daughter could be one of the (admittedly rare but I do have one friend in this category) who doesn't respond properly to the anaesthetics used for dental work? Admittedly I've never had a tooth removed but surely she shouldn't have been in that much pain? And don't they put stuff on to numb you before doing the injection? Sounds to me like you should change dentists.

MakeItRain · 03/08/2021 22:34

The only time I've felt similar is when my son had his tongue tie cut as a baby. The nurse cut it and he screamed. I was shocked that I had this sudden wish to punch her! I know it needed doing, but I had this split second where I really wanted to hurt her for doing that to my baby. The feeling left me quickly but I still remember it. Flowers

SummerInSun · 03/08/2021 22:35

Also, so sorry your daughter and you had such a traumatic experience! I've sat with my DC when they have been put under general anaesthesia and it is really upsetting and stressful. I usually wind up in tears.

Sparklfairy · 03/08/2021 22:39

I had to have four teeth out at age 10 to make room for braces. yes, rhe injection really does hurt, and yes, I hate the dentist now (I have to get diazepam from the GP before I can go).

You can only hope its put your DC off enough that they'll brush their teeth without you nagging!

Sirzy · 03/08/2021 22:40

From your explanation of things I wonder if she was picking up on some of your anxiety about it which made it harder all around.

But it’s done, no point dwelling on things and hopefully a good lesson for her in the importance of oral hygiene

Rogue1001 · 03/08/2021 22:43

Perhaps ensure a firmer tooth brushing regime in future? Hth

HerMammy · 03/08/2021 22:47

What a very ott reaction to a very common thing, are you always so dramatic?
I made that! And you’ve pulled it out and caused my child pain - you bastard
I mean; really? how ridiculous.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands · 03/08/2021 22:50

Anyone can request numbing gel before the injections. I'm a dentist wimp but I have one of those now and don't feel the injections

Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 22:51

@SummerInSun

Is it possible that your daughter could be one of the (admittedly rare but I do have one friend in this category) who doesn't respond properly to the anaesthetics used for dental work? Admittedly I've never had a tooth removed but surely she shouldn't have been in that much pain? And don't they put stuff on to numb you before doing the injection? Sounds to me like you should change dentists.
Oh wow, never heard of this but suspect we both have it. Got through 4 child births absolutely fine, yet still dread tooth work! Hmm could this be a genetic trait???
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Kite22 · 03/08/2021 22:52

YABU. If the situation in the dentist was anything like the way you have written your post, you have created the drama and made it into something it needn't be.
You sound completely over dramatic.
I'm surprised you were even in the room if I'm honest.

If you had doubts about if it needed a filling or an extraction, why didn't you sort that out before the appointment / at the initial inspection ? Confused

Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 22:53

@MakeItRain

The only time I've felt similar is when my son had his tongue tie cut as a baby. The nurse cut it and he screamed. I was shocked that I had this sudden wish to punch her! I know it needed doing, but I had this split second where I really wanted to hurt her for doing that to my baby. The feeling left me quickly but I still remember it. Flowers
Thank you for understanding that the point of this thread is not my family’s pain threshold nor our/my ability to brush our teeth, but rather the shock I felt at wanting to punch his lights out. Us - I wholeheartedly agree it’s irrational but at 52 and with 4 kids (the youngest is 11) I’ve never felt this primal reaction. Thank you!
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Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 22:54

@Sparklfairy

I had to have four teeth out at age 10 to make room for braces. yes, rhe injection really does hurt, and yes, I hate the dentist now (I have to get diazepam from the GP before I can go).

You can only hope its put your DC off enough that they'll brush their teeth without you nagging!

Yep, fingers crossed she learns from this!
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CantChatNow · 03/08/2021 22:57

I had a tooth out in my teens (not decay related) and there was none of this drama! Don’t think my mum even came in with me tbh. Sounds like your dentist is just a bit rubbish!

Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 23:00

@HerMammy

What a very ott reaction to a very common thing, are you always so dramatic? I made that! And you’ve pulled it out and caused my child pain - you bastard I mean; really? how ridiculous.
I think you’re not registering my shock at those feelings. I 100% agree that I’m over the top - I’ve never felt such base emotions. So that you’ve never felt them - well good for you - but don’t respond to a thread such as mine. I’m someone overwhelmed that I could feel this way and whilst not looking for gratification for this issue - if you’ve never been there how can you bloody judge? I have 4 kids and I’ve never felt like this. Don’t be so quick to judge! If you’ve never been there - well good for you - move on - but don’t judge me! Sheesh!
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fourandnomore · 03/08/2021 23:02

A lot of the people commenting I don’t think have had a tooth pulled as a child or watched their child have a tooth pulled out and are giving you a hard time and I don’t mean that rudely but I watched my 5 year old have a tooth pulled out last year and it was honestly my worst moment of parenting and she is also the youngest of four, so there have been some sad ones. I was extremely upset by it. Really emotional. The injection was extremely painful for her, she was squirming in the chair and I wasn’t next to her either. The dentist let me come over to hold her hand, then give her a hug while the anaesthetic set in. Except it didn’t really and apparently it doesn’t in a lot of children. The dentist warned me that once she started pulling it she wouldn’t stop because there’s no way a child would let her start again (she’s a lovely dentist and has children a similar age and is very caring so knew I’d be upset). She let me hold her on the chair and it was horrendous. I have never heard screaming like it. It was probably over within 20 seconds but of course felt much longer and my child was bleeding and crying and really shaken afterwards. I obviously held it together for her but the dentist even asked me if I was ok afterwards and let us leave immediately to have a proper cuddle.
I know your child is a bit older but I would have felt the same with my 11 or 8 year old too. Sending you a hug as it’s an awful experience to see your child in that much pain and not be able to comfort them. I’m so sorry you had to go through it too. It took a while to regain my child’s trust and she is scared of going to any medical type place now but we will get there. I’ll just add that I am not remotely health anxious. My background is health so it’s nothing that makes me worried or that I’ve projected onto my child. She genuinely used to love going as the dentist is so lovely!

Dutypaid · 03/08/2021 23:06

Off topic, but is your dc ginger? If so, then they probably need more anesthetic.

Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 23:07

@Sparklfairy

I had to have four teeth out at age 10 to make room for braces. yes, rhe injection really does hurt, and yes, I hate the dentist now (I have to get diazepam from the GP before I can go).

You can only hope its put your DC off enough that they'll brush their teeth without you nagging!

Totally get where you’re coming from. My teeth are complex, that’s not my belief its feedback from numerous dentists (from the various places I’ve lived in the country). The latest dentist has very low ability to create a rapour with his patients, but he’s part of a chain and the rest (dental nurses/receptionists) are so wonderful that I’ve stuck with them. We were supposed to visit them for a regular checkup 2 weeks ago. Due to internet issues (don’t go there - that’s a thread and a half) I didn’t receive the re-schedule in time, I missed the ‘new’ appointment and thought I’d screwed up and could no longer belong to this practice. Nevertheless I believed it was right of me to apologise. OMG. I phoned to apologise, and not only did the receptionist refer to me by my first name BUT she explained that since I’d not got back to her over the change of appointment that it was ok, she’d re-arranged it for late in the year. I almost cried. Whilst our dentist himself is so/so he does his best but the team around him is incredible!
OP posts:
Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 23:11

@Sirzy

From your explanation of things I wonder if she was picking up on some of your anxiety about it which made it harder all around.

But it’s done, no point dwelling on things and hopefully a good lesson for her in the importance of oral hygiene

Agreed, she may have been. I HATE going to the dentist. For me it means PAIN! Unfortunately for me and dc4 my husband/their dad is away working abroad. We’re he home I always get him to take them. I have some serious issues with the dentist and am desperate not for those to be picked up upon. So yes, she may well have picked up on my own nervousness. That said, the other three haven’t. So the evidence states I’ve done ok - but yes I couldn’t defend my position too much!
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Original poster
Wills · 03/08/2021 23:13

@Rogue1001

Perhaps ensure a firmer tooth brushing regime in future? Hth
Yep! 2 of the older 3 are superb. So at least 2 out of 4 are brill. The 3rd is so/so and when they get back from scout camp a tooth will be showed to them with all the gory tales in the hope it will encourage greater brushing!
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