‘Was I/Am I’ BU

[Wills]

Much to my horror, my youngest (11yrs) had to have a tooth removed today because of decay. She’s the youngest of 4 and the other three have always heeded my nagging (though the 3rd is close to DC4) and never got to this stage. I haven’t told her off, but never have I molly coddled her. Having had 2 teeth removed due to old age/grinding my teeth I knew what she was going to go through. I didn’t dramatise it but equally I didn’t say it would be pain free. However….. I really thought they could protect her more than they did! I knew the injection would bloody hurt (anyone whose had a dental injection will know its squirming around in the dental chair painful) so I held her (well I held her hand although they made no allowances for me to get near her and the dental nurse made loads of noises about how my child should hold her hand rather than mine), I had to bend myself around the chair and light to simply get hold of her. She sobbed loads during the injection and I get that. It’s during the extraction that I got upset (not that she knew!). They/he kept promising her that it wouldn’t hurt anymore, yet at the last stages she was in obvious agony. All I knew is that if I’d bought it to a close, she’d have to go through another injection and from previous experience I know that’s the worst bit. Anyway. He pulled it out,

I was/am somewhat gobsmacked by my reaction. He pulled the tooth and placed it in a small dish beside me. I looked at it and all I could think was “I made that! And you’ve pulled it out and caused my child pain - you bastard”.

I was totally unprepared for how I felt! Has anyone else gone through something similar. My mother talks regularly about ‘mother tiger’ instinct, but that’s the first time I’ve almost raised a fist. I have no doubt that the bulk of responsibility lies with me, but we’ve not missed a single appointment - even during lockdown. So why did he skip an ordinary filling??? Why did she have to lose a tooth? That said she has one behind this and a wisdom trying to come through so the odds are that they’ll close up and she’ll never have a gap. Equally this may be the turning point and she may now look after her teeth (phew). But what a dramatic way to make a point. Has anyone else been through similar. Would love to hear from you!

I had a few teeth removed at a similar age to make way for braces, and don’t remember any of this drama. It’s not a pleasant experience but taught me early on that in life you just sometimes have to deal with these things. My Mum is also a very anxious person, she wasn’t in the room with me and I’m glad because her reaction probably would have totally freaked me out. I can understand why you reacted like you did, it’s not nice to see your kids in pain, but also wonder whether you escalated the situation too.

I like the way people are saying dental injections don't really hurt, because that's been their experience, so you must be wrong.

I've always found them extremely painful in the past. My current dentist must use a different technique or anaesthetic because hers don't hurt, occasionally a second or two, but overall nothing much. I almost cried with relief the first time I went to her.

Every other dentist had been agony.

Why do people want to insist their personal experience must be universal?

I posted a few weeks ago. My adult DS , 25, took a big chip out of his front tooth. He is a fully independent adult, sorted it out (well sorting it out). But I cried. Not when he told me, I was all practical and calm. But once I put the phone down. Exactly, I made that. They were perfect teeth for 25 years.
Bonkers!

@Letthelightoflove
Well said, asks AIBU then tells anyone saying yes that they’ve to shut up, don’t judge etc
OP is a drama queen that made her DDs dentist trip all about herself 🙄

@Dutypaid

Off topic, but is your dc ginger? If so, then they probably need more anesthetic.

This. This is a real thing!

I'm one of those for whom local and dental anaesthetic does very little. Now I'm an adult I can ask for a second dose but as a teenager fillings were incredibly painful and I could feel every moment. Same with a local anaesthetic in childbirth when they were trying to persuade me into an episiotomy (thank heavens didn't work and gave me the wake up I needed to refuse). I'd encourage you to state upfront to the dentist in future that you and kids usually need more anaesthetic. Mine have always been fine about it.
I also know the "white coat paralysis" thing where you feel you can't question someone in medical authority, but really a dentist should discuss various treatment options with you or explain why a filling wasn't suitable.

The flowers emoji is [ flowers ] without the spaces.

I've never experienced anything like that, wow, what a loving mum you are.

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy

I like the way people are saying dental injections don't really hurt, because that's been their experience, so you must be wrong.

I've always found them extremely painful in the past. My current dentist must use a different technique or anaesthetic because hers don't hurt, occasionally a second or two, but overall nothing much. I almost cried with relief the first time I went to her.

Every other dentist had been agony.

Why do people want to insist their personal experience must be universal?

Totally agree!

I’ve always found all dental treatment agony, injections are horrific, even after an injection I can still feel what they’re doing, utterly miserable.

But if someone else said they didn’t find them bad I wouldn’t argue back I’d say wow that’s lucky for you, don’t know why others can’t do the reverse and understand that different people have different experiences.

I was a dental nurse. Your definitely being unreasonable. She won't have felt pain but she will have felt pushing and fekt uncomfortable. I had one removed last week so recent personal experience too.

So glad that there is a was there. With a total lack of understanding that different people have different pain thresholds and reactions to anesthetics, which do sometimes fail, you are obviously unsuited to the role.

It's not pleasant bit not painful
Well, lucky you. I usually have a fairly high threshold but I certainly found it a painful experience, inspite of the anesthetic.

I think you ha e created a lot if not most of this drama. Your daughter was certainly picking up on your anxiety as you blew it up to be much bigger than it needed to be.

I had four teeth out for braces at that age, so did my sister and plenty of other people I know. Nobody had a parent in the room at all never mind one creating a big drama like you, it is not surprising she was anxious, the pain was probably in part psychological.

As a dentist I think YABU. The single biggest factor in how children handle dental work is how their parents act in the room, before and after the treatment.

Local anaesthetic works for everyone, sometimes people need more but this is normally related more to infection/inflammation. If the tooth wasn't numb you feel it straight away, it is likely the tooth was numb but at the end of the procedure the pressure sensation is really weird and children can perceive this as pain.

You didn't create the tooth. However at 11 it was you who enabled it to get to the point it needed a root canal or an extraction. If your daughter isn't capable of brushing her teeth (and many children aren't till 11) you should be doing it.

You ask why he didn't fo an ordinary filling, but you know why because it needed a root canal which would be challenging i.e it was decayed past the point of a filling. You clearly have been given the treatment options in detail and you are then able to explain them so I don't see why you are acting like you havent in your initial post

Your dd has done wonderfully to have an adult molar extracted under local anaesthetic. Well done her. But this shouldn't be the turning point for her it should be the turning point for you. Shes only just reaching an age where a)she has the dexterity to properly brush her teeth and b) can actually properly understand the consequences of not brushing.

@OrangeSharked
So much sense in one post. Hopefully the OP will read and reflect on what you’ve written.

My teeth are crap, the front looks OK but the back have 2 caps on 1 side and 3 missing from the other. I'd hate for my kids to go through this but it's a constant battle to get my DS to brush his teeth!!! WHY????