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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I buy a drum kit when I live in a SD house?

116 replies

Drumkitsituation · 02/08/2021 18:37

The whole question is in the title really but to add a little more detail.....

I have recently fallen back in love with playing the drums after a twenty year break. I’m a forty year old mum of 2, and it feels hugely amazing to be doing something new and playful and not child or goal orientated.

I live in a semi detached house, neighbours are nice, they are currently WFH since pandemic, not sure of their long terms plans. They have grown up children.

I want a drum kit. The electronic one I play on in lessons is about 6k worth of stuff but according to my teacher I can get an entry level electronic one for about £500.

However, I want a real one, preferably a Pearl export like the one I had as a teenager! I can get a second hand one of these for £300 and wouldn’t want or need to upgrade that.

I’d probably play for an hour or so 4 ish times a week whilst the kids are at school/in afternoon at weekends.

The only room we could fit it in would be a room adjoining their house on the ground floor.

The houses are 30s, robust, thick walls, neither of us can really hear the other day to day.

YANBU - it’s your house, get the drum kit you want

YABU - selfish, think of your neighbours, save up for the electronic

Thanks

OP posts:

84wood · 03/08/2021 07:13

We had this in our old house and ended up moving as did 2 other neighbours. It was so horrible as our house vibrated. I couldn’t understand why anyone can inflict that noise on others and think it acceptable. I completely consider drums to be antisocial and I’d anticipate much conflict with your neighbours.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 03/08/2021 07:18

I personally think it would be fine if you asked your neighbours for their most convenient times, and got mufflers (the rubber pads that go on top work well for us). If you’re really keen and considerate you can soundproof the adjoining wall, which we did.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 03/08/2021 07:21

Unless you can afford to soundproof the room it’s going in, you’re being unreasonable

Lanique · 03/08/2021 07:30

I'm afraid you'll have to compromise and buy an electronic set with headphones. Although beware, even they make a racket - dd2 has one 😬. If you want a traditional Pearl set I'm afraid you'll have to compromise even more - by moving to a remote Scottish island far away from anyone else. Failing that rent a soundproof studio.

Whatever you decide, for god's sake communicate with ALL your neighbours, not just those immediately next to you, and agree a timetable so your neighbours know what to expect and that their feelings have been considered!

maddening · 03/08/2021 08:02

Do not put it in a garage or shed as it would be heard for quite a way beyond your neighbourhood even!

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 03/08/2021 08:10

Oh hell no, only if you actually want your neighbours to hate you! I would also be pissed off with little Tarquin's violin practice.

Champagneforeveryone · 04/08/2021 15:23

Bit against the grain but DS plays the drums and we live in a terraced cottage, albeit one with very thick walls.

We spoke to both sets of neighbours and have asked that if the noise is too much they tell us straight away, they have mine and DH's mobile numbers. He doesn't play before midday or after 7pm and we're very aware when either sets of grandchildren visit.

In short, he has as much right to enjoy his hobby in his own house as anyone else. We are as mindful as we can be and have done everything to make things easier on our neighbours. Both sets insist that it's no bother as I think they appreciate how proactive we were initially.

Hont1986 · 04/08/2021 15:38

No reasonable way to do it in a residential area unless you have a very soundproofed shed/garage. Get the electronic one.

Hont1986 · 04/08/2021 15:39

Both sets insist that it's no bother as I think they appreciate how proactive we were initially.

Lol

Blossomsbloom · 07/08/2021 12:33

@Champagneforeveryone In short, he has as much right to enjoy his hobby in his own house as anyone else

In short no he doesn't. Apart from being completely selfish there are also laws in place to say he doesn't if it is an unreasonable level of noise.
I can't believe you think your neighbours are okay with it just because they haven't complained. They are probably trying to maintain a good relationship with their neighbours like we did for a year while living in misery.
If his hobby is that important get the room soundproofed.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/08/2021 12:46

Soundproof the adjoining wall.
Use practice heads on all drums and stuff the bass drum/s with pillows/duvets.

Then play at reasonable times of day, for reasonable amounts of time.

If for whatever reason you intend on playing without practice heads/stuffing, let the neighbours know in advance that its a one off for tuning the kit/whatever purpose.

I've had kits everywhere and this is the first house i haven't had an acoustic kit, mostly because it is too small but also because its a mid terrace.

However if you are serious about drumming, an electric kit is not the best option, and tbh the clicking of hitting the pads is no better than an acoustic kit with practice heads on it anyway.

user1471538283 · 07/08/2021 14:07

You cannot be serious. You will be creating a living hell for your neighbors.

MiddlesexGirl · 07/08/2021 14:10

If everybody followed the MN way then no-one would ever learn to play the drums or any other instrument that can be heard.
So my advice is - buy the kit, get practice pads for majority use. When the neighbours are likely to be out and its the middle of the day and for short periods only, use as intended.

Somanysocks · 07/08/2021 14:29

As a neighbour who was on the receiving end of a selfish drumming neighbour (as well as other instruments) of course it's unreasonable.

We fell out big time, I would turn my speakers to the wall and blast out PlanB and go out. It was a living hell, I moved out in the end.

LadyJaye · 07/08/2021 14:36

No. Please do not do this.

The drummer in my band has an electronic kit with headphones for practising at home (he lives in a flat), but will occasionally hire the drum room, with full stage kit, at the rehearsal studios we use to practice by himself - could this be an option for you?

LadyJaye · 07/08/2021 14:38

Also, it's not just the noise, but the vibrations, particularly if you have a decent bass pedal set-up.

2anddone · 07/08/2021 14:39

My ds (16) used to have a drum kit (sold it this week) we live in a sd house and had rules for when practice could be it lived in the conservatory.
He could practice for half hour at the most between 10am and 6pm.
I explained to the neighbours and they were ok with that as knew there would be an 'end' to it!
My dc also knew it wasn't a toy and they couldn't just bang it for the sake of it when friends were round!

Blossomsbloom · 10/08/2021 06:26

@MiddlesexGirl
If everybody followed the MN way then no-one would ever learn to play the drums or any other instrument that can be heard

It's not the MN way it's the decent human being way of showing consideration for others.
A violin is very different to a drum kit or bagpipes so not every instrument is a problem. No reason not to learn those instruments though, just do so where it doesn't affect other peoples right to peace in their own home.

AngelDelightUk · 10/08/2021 07:26

Could you build a sound proof shed for it?

Coldilox · 10/08/2021 07:46

My opposite neighbours have a drum kit in their garage, one of their boys plays. The whole coil-de-sac can hear him when he does.

I quite like listening to him, he’s very good. He doesn’t play early morning or late at night.

FWIW I don’t think we should expect our neighbours to be quiet just because some people work from home. These are our homes not our workplaces. Noise in the day is fair game. I work nights sometimes but don’t expect my neighbours to keep the noise down so I can sleep.

HeronLanyon · 10/08/2021 07:57

Yabu - it’s not just your neighbouring house who will hear you.
As for neighbours wfh the only way it might work is to discuss with them and have very clearly defined hour when you play and stick to it 100% (if there is such an hour that neighbours will be able to live with).

Clawdy · 10/08/2021 08:00

The thickness of the walls means nothing, we lived in a solid old semi and could not hear voices or most sounds, but a pianist moved in, and from then on, our lives were hell, and we moved out within a year, after endless rows.

bravotango · 10/08/2021 09:10

I can't believe these posters! OP - I think it's absolutely fine - however not during working hours. It needs to be between 5 and 7pm for no more than 30 mins at a time, in a room with a carpet and some furniture against the party wall. And just let the neighbours know the rough time that you'll be playing and that they can text if it's disturbing them.

FWIW I had a neighbour with a piano who played all the bloody time and that was more annoying than the drums so...

BizzyIzzyfruitpie · 10/08/2021 09:16

My daughter plays an instrument. I’m aware it can be heard by the neighbours but she has to practice! One of my neighbours plays trumpet and one drums. It doesn’t bother me. It’s only a few times a week and usually only in summer when the windows are open that I can really hear it.

starrynight87 · 10/08/2021 09:26

God no.

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