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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Encouraging DS to declare his ASD

151 replies

natureleaves · 02/08/2021 16:16

DS who is 21 is starting a PGCE this September; me, DH and DS all think he likely has ASD but doesn't have a diagnosis of ASD. I know it's not my place to interfere as DS is an adult but should I encourage him to mention his ASD to the uni and school he'll be placed in. Knowing DS he won't mention it and only might do if he started to seriously struggle. Also as DS doesn't have a diagnosis is there anything legally that could happen by declaring that he thinks he has ASD.

OP posts:
user16395699 · 02/08/2021 19:30

@natureleaves

I've read that some people say they are autistic when they've not been formally diagnosed
So?
TellMeDinosaurFacts · 02/08/2021 19:35

Some of the adjustments we made included written as well as verbal feedback (summarising key points), help with prioritisation, using paper rather than electronic systems where possible, and a quiet space to go when not teaching or in meetings. They all depend on the individual and in this case didn't reflect any less capacity in the classroom, or make significant additional demands on staff who worked with her. She's a cracking teacher.

Onthebrink87 · 02/08/2021 19:37

You can't self diagnose or "identify" as being autistic, ffs.

This makes me rage!

intothewoodss · 02/08/2021 19:41

You can't leave a class of children unattended, except in an emergency. I have IBD (also ASD) and occasionally I would have to send a kid to the office to nab a free member of staff to cover for me if I needed to dash to the loo. It was literally that or shit myself, and that was a reasonable adjustment. I couldn't walk out when I felt overwhelmed. If you do that you wreck any chance you have of the students treating you respectfully and kindly. They will just think you're quitting on them.

Dntevenknowit · 02/08/2021 19:44

How do you ‘have ASD’? Not a term i’ve heard usually ‘on the spectrum’ but not ‘have/has ASD’

Original poster
natureleaves · 02/08/2021 19:55

I know you can't self-diagnose yourself as autistic, but for people who don't go for a diagnosis are they not autistic then

OP posts:
Original poster
natureleaves · 02/08/2021 19:57

Or should they refer to themselves as I think I'm on the spectrum for example rather than I'm on the spectrum

OP posts:
user16395699 · 02/08/2021 19:59

@natureleaves

Or should they refer to themselves as I think I'm on the spectrum for example rather than I'm on the spectrum
Well, that would be the truth of the matter, wouldn't it?
SD1978 · 02/08/2021 20:04

You seem to be deliberately missing the point @natureleaves. He needs to either pursue a diagnosis or say nothing. My mum thinks I'm on the spectrum, is not an accepted need for any kind of arrangements in a postgrad course. You can't suddenly start self identifying, because he got stressed post one interview. This also seems to be about you, not how your son feels, and your son is an adult. Doing a postgrad. If he can't make his own decisions now, then he really should go and see someone

Wolfiefan · 02/08/2021 20:05

Honestly? If an online interview makes him that anxious then I would seriously worry that the stress of teaching could be too much. You can’t walk out of a difficult lesson or go and lie down because you’re stressed I would really worry about the effect the job could have on his MH.

Elleherd · 02/08/2021 20:14

I know you can't self-diagnose yourself as autistic, but for people who don't go for a diagnosis are they not autistic then

Not in legal terms, or employment protection terms, or DWP terms.

Many people who are viably on the spectrum will also not qualify for a specific diagnosis of ASD because their impairments sit across two of the triads and not sufficiently on the third, and will get a different diagnosis.

budgun · 02/08/2021 20:17

@natureleaves

I know you can't self-diagnose yourself as autistic, but for people who don't go for a diagnosis are they not autistic then

This is such a daft question. If you have a medical condition it exists with or without a diagnosis. You can't just decide you have a condition and expect it to be recognised without diagnosis.

NoYOUbekind · 02/08/2021 20:24

@natureleaves

I've read that some people say they are autistic when they've not been formally diagnosed
They're idiots though, and they're idiots who do real harm to actually autistic people who are then expected to cope with situation X, Y or Z because Harry can, and he's autistic too. Or because autistic people with real challenges and difficulties in their lives are told 'that everyone's a bit autistic really.'

Don't be that person.

ObviousNameChage · 02/08/2021 20:26

How did this not come up in the last 20 years? Was he ever assessed? Did you look for a diagnosis? Did any of his schools/teachers raise concerns?

He can use the "I think " line , but it will really depend on the uni/placement whether he will be given any adjustments or leeway.

Original poster
natureleaves · 02/08/2021 20:29

He's never been assessed, nothing has ever been mentioned by school or uni, it was only in the last couple of years DS has mentioned that he thinks he's autistic but he was an adult when he told us this so it's been up to him to pursue a diagnosis and so far he hasn't.

OP posts:
budgun · 02/08/2021 20:30

@natureleaves

I've read that some people say they are autistic when they've not been formally diagnosed

It doesn't make any difference what they say though. You can't self ID as autistic to an establishment (uni) and expect adjustments.

TheVolturi · 02/08/2021 20:31

Why are you doing this now op at his age? It's a bit of an insult to a mum who has actually got a child with asd, for someone to just say we think our adult son has autusm shall we tell the uni so that they give him special treatment!

Kanaloa · 02/08/2021 20:34

Of course autistic people are autistic before their diagnosis. However, people who ‘think they are autistic’ may or may not be. That’s the point, after diagnosis you know you are or aren’t.

The point is, your son is on the Schrodinger’s spectrum right now. Maybe he’s autistic, maybe he’s not, but without seeing a professional and getting a diagnosis he can’t expect others in the workplace to make adjustments for him - how can he expect others to support him when he isn’t even doing the minimum to support himself by seeking proper support.

Kanaloa · 02/08/2021 20:35

And I wouldn’t expect much for an ‘I think.’ There is precious little support out there for children like my son with a diagnosis, never mind people who just think they might be autistic.

MordredsOrrery · 02/08/2021 20:35

@NoYOUbekind has it

natureleaves

I've read that some people say they are autistic when they've not been formally diagnosed

They're idiots though, and they're idiots who do real harm to actually autistic people who are then expected to cope with situation X, Y or Z because Harry can, and he's autistic too. Or because autistic people with real challenges and difficulties in their lives are told 'that everyone's a bit autistic really.'

Don't be that person.

EducatingArti · 02/08/2021 20:37

@stripedbananas

In most Unis they test everyone for things like this including dyslexia, dyspraxia etc
Oh no they don't! They may test someone for dyslexia who attends the support services but the can't test for ASD. It has to be diagnosed by a doctor.
user16395699 · 02/08/2021 20:42

@natureleaves

He's never been assessed, nothing has ever been mentioned by school or uni, it was only in the last couple of years DS has mentioned that he thinks he's autistic but he was an adult when he told us this so it's been up to him to pursue a diagnosis and so far he hasn't.
Right. At what point did that translate into you and your husband also thinking it, as stated in your op?

If you're going to encourage him to do anything, then it should be to encourage him to pursue assessment rather than self-diagnosing or treating ASD as something he can identify into. That's a little offensive tbh.

If he told you he thought he had diabetes or anxiety or cancer, you'd encourage him to seek the appropriate diagnostic assessments, right?

Or would you be talking about self-identifying there too?

People do receive ASD diagnoses in adulthood, I don't dispute that, but it's not what's happened here.

Other people suspect or believe they have ASD but choose not to be assessed. That decision is his to make but comes with consequences that of course include being challenged on the validity of the statement and not being eligible for certain support.

Clymene · 02/08/2021 20:42

If neither you as his parents or any of his schools in 15 years of education have ever thought he may have autism, what makes you think he has?

Original poster
natureleaves · 02/08/2021 20:43

I think I just wonder if DS doesn't go for a diagnosis will it be a bad idea

OP posts:
user16395699 · 02/08/2021 20:43

how can he expect others to support him when he isn’t even doing the minimum to support himself by seeking proper support.

Too true.