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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Encouraging DS to declare his ASD

151 replies

natureleaves · 02/08/2021 16:16

DS who is 21 is starting a PGCE this September; me, DH and DS all think he likely has ASD but doesn't have a diagnosis of ASD. I know it's not my place to interfere as DS is an adult but should I encourage him to mention his ASD to the uni and school he'll be placed in. Knowing DS he won't mention it and only might do if he started to seriously struggle. Also as DS doesn't have a diagnosis is there anything legally that could happen by declaring that he thinks he has ASD.

OP posts:
Elleherd · 02/08/2021 17:15

...should I encourage him to mention his ASD to the uni and school he'll be placed in... as he isn't diagnosed there isn't a "his ASD" to mention is there?

If he believes he has a neuro diversity/disability that is sufficient to impact on his professional abilities working with children and in their environment, he should be following up on assessment and diagnosis, because with that career comes massive responsibilities to others.

( Parent of diagnosed ASD impacted adult working in a school)

OlivePenderghast · 02/08/2021 17:15

When I was diagnosed with dyslexia at University, I had to be referred to a pysochologist by the University which took a few months. The assessment (£400) was paid for by the University and took about 3 hours in person. They wrote a report which included recommendations for support e.g. extra time for exams. I couldn’t get any of those mitigation’s until I had the official report.

If your son wants any help because of having ASD the university won’t care unless he has the proper report. He can try and get one through the Student Services or similar but will probably be a bit late for most of a PGCE.

budgun · 02/08/2021 17:16

I know it's not my place to interfere as DS is an adult but should I encourage him to mention his ASD to the uni and school he'll be placed in.

Pardon the confusion but he doesn't have ASD to mention to them. This is ridiculous. What are you hoping to (or for him to) achieve by doing this?

I had to send my uni proof of my autism diagnosis and wait for official acceptance.

budgun · 02/08/2021 17:16

@stripedbananas

Everyone has to take an online test for it

Bull shit

eeyore228 · 02/08/2021 17:17

Thinking he does is irrelevant. What do you expect them to do with that? He needs to know surely?

NoYOUbekind · 02/08/2021 17:19

PGCE is incredibly full-on, he's right. And (depending where you are) he might have finished his course before he is assessed. Equally he can't 'just mention' something that he may or may not have based on his family's opinion - it really doesn't work like that. That said, he definitely should pursue diagnosis, because without diagnosis his future employers have no compulsion to make reasonable adjustments.

What I would encourage him to do though is to be open with his tutor and mentors about his suspicions and to add another layer of thinking to his reflective practice. Things like: What situations are difficult for him? How can these be adjusted in a classroom setting? Is this something he can do for himself or something he needs extra help with? In other words, to use this time to think about the things he needs to change in his classroom to make it work for him.

HedyPrism · 02/08/2021 17:20

He's right that a PGCE is full on. Many drop out. What adjustments do you forsee would be made with a diagnosis? It could be that they could be made anyway.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 02/08/2021 17:22

@stripedbananas

In most Unis they test everyone for things like this including dyslexia, dyspraxia etc
This is absolutely not true in the slightest
XenoBitch · 02/08/2021 17:26

There is nothing to mention if he does not have a diagnosis. The process of getting one takes months, with a wait to be seen for screening taking up to two years. And then, he may not even have it after all.

ittakes2 · 02/08/2021 17:26

We found a letter from a therapist saying she thought my son had ASD and he should be assessed for it was enough for his school to put extra measures in place. My friends son has ASD and there is a lot of support for it including 1-1 in some instances.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 02/08/2021 17:33

There are many people who self identify as autistic or neurodivergent. There are plenty who believe that self id is valid. There are strong arguments on both sides of that debate.

He is covered by the Equality Act regardless of whether he has a formal diagnosis.

However, he will need a formal diagnosis for the uni to accept it I think. University won’t arrange asd assessment. They usually have some facilities for specific learning difficulties assessments like dyslexia. However, asd would be a long referral.

I think it’s up to your ds. He is 21. If he doesn’t want to proceed with formal diagnosis and his knowledge about himself is enough for him then that’s his decision. He can always change his mind on that.

corlan · 02/08/2021 17:39

It doesn't take very long to be assessed once the referral comes through. A couple of hours or so?

You're right - the assessment is a couple of hours. It's just the 2 years on the waiting list between the referral and the assessment that take the time!

Lovemusic33 · 02/08/2021 17:39

I’m not sure why everyone is saying he should seek a diagnosis? How would a diagnosis change anything unless he needed extra support?

Pretty sure I am on the spectrum (2 dc on the spectrum and I have always felt different) but a diagnosis would make no difference to me or the way I live my life. Not all people need a diagnosis.

budgun · 02/08/2021 17:51

@Clymene

It doesn't take very long to be assessed once the referral comes through. A couple of hours or so?

A couple of hours?

Both my DC had several appointments 1-2 hours long.

Myself as an adult had a 2 hours appointment followed by a 4 hours assessment.

Percie · 02/08/2021 18:06

Limit yourself to encouraging him to go for assessment. Maybe he has ASD, maybe he doesn't. You can't encourage him to mention it on the off chance and no diagnosis.

As an aside, it's supremely irritating that so many folk go around giving out armchair diagnoses of ASD to their nearest and dearest, then expect that to be given the same weight as an actual diagnosis. I say this as someone with a diagnosis who doesn't disclose unless necessary and didn't mention it to anyone during the assessment process.

natureleaves · 02/08/2021 18:09

I had wondered if a teacher had a PGCE student where the student thought they had ASD or self-identified as being autistic would they not look out for or be aware if the student started struggling or showed signs of ASD and offer support and not be as harsh on them.

OP posts:
AdditionalCharacter · 02/08/2021 18:18

If you think he has ASD, then I'd encourage him to seek a diagnosis if you think he would benefit from additional support from uni by having one.

AdditionalCharacter · 02/08/2021 18:20

You can't self-identify as having autism.

BlankTimes · 02/08/2021 18:21

@Elleherd

...should I encourage him to mention his ASD to the uni and school he'll be placed in... as he isn't diagnosed there isn't a "his ASD" to mention is there?

If he believes he has a neuro diversity/disability that is sufficient to impact on his professional abilities working with children and in their environment, he should be following up on assessment and diagnosis, because with that career comes massive responsibilities to others.

( Parent of diagnosed ASD impacted adult working in a school)

Sage advice from Elleherd

Why does he need to consider he's autistic right now when he never did before?

Your son needs to ask his GP for a private referral, without a formal diagnosis his Uni and subsequent employers will do nothing.

Otherwise, what's to stop every student self-identifying with a neurodiverse condition and asking for the same reasonable adjustments as genuinely diagnosed people?

BlankTimes · 02/08/2021 18:22

showed signs of ASD

What signs would those be?

SD1978 · 02/08/2021 18:28

He doesn't have a diagnosis, so declaring a condition that you feel he may have will not help at all. He needs a diagnosis, if he wants one, and then to see what support may be available. Declaring my mum thinks, isn't going to get him any extra support/ help which he may need or find useful on his course.

natureleaves · 02/08/2021 18:28

I don't know if it would happen, but if DS was having a bad lesson and he couldn't handle it and ended up walking out of the classroom to calm down in the toilet if the school knew he could be autistic they might understand why he's doing it.

OP posts:
GetTaeFuck · 02/08/2021 18:36

If he’s managed a whole degree with no adjustments for potential ASD, I’d wager he will be fine for the PGCE?

GetTaeFuck · 02/08/2021 18:37

@natureleaves

I don't know if it would happen, but if DS was having a bad lesson and he couldn't handle it and ended up walking out of the classroom to calm down in the toilet if the school knew he could be autistic they might understand why he's doing it.
Then get him started on the diagnosis pathway.

Potentially having it and not even being on the pathway means zero adjustments will be made.d

Norsurewhattosay · 02/08/2021 18:43

It’s really not quick to get a diagnosis and unless you can pay, it’s unlikely he’d be diagnosed before his PGCE was over.
My son waited 2+ years for an appointment & due to Covid it was online. He was referred by Adult Mental Health Services & 2 psychiatrists were adamant they thought he was autistic, despite me strongly disagreeing. After a 2 year wait and being told they couldn’t offer him any help before diagnosis, when he finally got the appointment the assessor declared within 10 minutes he didn’t think ds was autistic. It’s not as simple as self declaring and being allowed adjustments.
If your son thinks he may react how you’ve described, it would be worth talking to the school but he’d definitely need some sort of official diagnosis. Has he gone through school and university without help or has he had adjustments previously?