Is anyone regularly happy/loving their life or is it a fantasy?

[gingercatpat]

I come from a somewhat dysfunctional family so I don't really know what life is like for others. Yes I have friends and extended family but everyone tends to portray their lives as happy and perfect when I'm confident the reality is far from that.

I just wondered, are there people out there who are genuinely happy with life, perhaps even love their life, or maybe just content and at peace with whatever their life may be? Or is that just a fantasy and the reality is that most people are unhappy and just getting through each day?

I also ask because I guess I've been unhappy with life for sometime but I'm unsure if what I'm trying to achieve isn't even achievable as one of my parents constantly makes it clear to me that life is really just quite the slog and you get on with it

I think I'm a natural pessimist and even if things are going well I invent things to worry about and make myself unhappy over. I would love to be someone who could just relax and take each day as it comes. I think there is truth in the saying "happiness is a choice".

I’m very happy. I have the most wonderful husband, a really great daughter and another baby on the way. We have no money worries, a beautiful home that I’m very grateful for and a really nice group of friends.

I have bipolar, so no how it feels to be rock bottom and I’m very pleased to have not had to feel that way for a long time now.

Social media can be curated, but that doesn't mean people aren't happy. It's very possible to be happy. You have enjoyable things to do, and look forward to, and perhaps a job you enjoy or a family you like spending time with. I consider myself happy. There's lots to enjoy :)

It's pretty gloomy to simply deem everyone miserable behind closed doors.

Why not try and identify exactly what it is that you are unhappy about - what are the things you wish you did more of? Then, arrange them.

I have miserable parents too. Since their kids all left home they just sit indoors scowling that life is miserable. But that's their choice. They don't want to go anywhere or do anything - we've tried! - and say 'everything' is 'rubbish' or 'a load of bloody nonsense'. Their bitterness weighs them down. I'd never want to be like them.

Yes. I grew up in a very happy home. Get on well with my parents and sister. I have my dream job and my own house. I realise that I am very very lucky.

I’m a natural optimist. My life is pretty good. I got divorced 2.5 years ago having been pretty unhappy for 5 years +. My ex-H was a joy sucker. I now live in a little cottage that I love with my DD and dog. I have a new job that I like (although some days it is gloomy). My DD is with her Dad EOW so I have plenty of free time. I have a new DP who I like and who is kind and caring.

Basically I have what I need to be happy but my bar for happiness isn’t particularly high. I don’t need sports cars and exotic holidays.

I love my life, there’s very little I’d change. I’ve struck gold, really. Some things are slightly unorthodox, and it’s not what the teenage me would ever have imagined adult life looking like, but it’s wonderful.

I also don't care at all what strangers or society at large think about my lifestyle, appearance, belongings or choices. And I think that’s absolutely linked to being happy with life.

I love my life, but it is normal to have days you're unhappy for whatever reason or no reason at all!

In general, I am very happy. I have a lovely husband, a very much wanted little boy, and I'm studying towards my dream career...albeit slowly, so I can I also enjoy being with my son while he's still little! (1 year old).
I get a lot of joy out of really simple things: a family walk, drinking a coffee and writing my book, ps4 time and some chocolate, a movie night with hubby, a weekend away to go for a long walk there (😂), I love travelling and have goals of where I want to go and keep a mental list of things I want to try.

Of course I've dealt with a bunch of stuff too: Grief and loss, health anxiety, mmc and infertility. Life isn't perfect but I try to really enjoy the little things and I do feel very grateful to have family and lovely friends.

Genuinely happy. Some days a little stressed and very tired but I have an amazing husband and home and no money worries. My stress comes from running my business and my charity but I wouldn’t change anything.

I'm very overweight (obese), living with chronic pain and limited mobility and have done for many years.
I am very happy day to day, I love my husband and adore spending time with him and we have our first child on the way.
We have a modest home and I work part time, my husband works full time in a low stress job.

I think it is possible to be happy with your lot. I know I am.

Interesting question. I would say happiness is by no means a constant state, its not something you achieve and then you're done. I think for most people happiness comes and goes like the weather and that's fine. I think it's more important to have purpose, be grateful for what we do have, and to be a good friend and/or family member. I think happiness comes from doing those things. It is obviously important to be in a relationship where you respect and are respected by the other person, or otherwise to be single. I think if you don't have those basics then life can become a bit miserable. I suffer from anxiety and it does knock me off course sometimes but I do just have to remember that I have a lovely husband, I like my job, I have somewhere safe and warm to come home to at the end of the day. In some ways I agree with you mother, life can be a bit of a slog but you take the good things when you get them and appreciate them as much as you can, because there'll always be another bump in the road.

I’m happy but I have a job I love and friends and money enough to make me comfortable for life. and I’m close to my family. Have a great relationship with mum etc

Yes I’m pretty happy. I took voluntary early retirement a couple of years back and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier tbh.

I'm genuinely content, happy and loving my life.
Course, there are aspects that I want to improve, and I'm working on it, but I'm not waiting on these things to happen to be happy. If anything, pursuing these improvements makes me even happier.

I’m happy 90% of the time. I think that’s as much as anyone can hope for; really, there’s always going to be bad days and hard things.

I love my life and I’m very happy with how it is; BUT I don’t love/enjoy every day. Sometimes it’s hard with DC, my job will stress me out, DH will annoy me and there are other stresses but apart from perhaps more money I wouldn’t change anything about my life in terms of friends, family, DC and job

I have quite a few things in my life that you'd assume would make me unhappy - chronic illness (physical and mental) in both me and my partner plus close relatives, debt issues, some quite severe childhood trauma...

I'm very happy. Genuinely. I don't expect a lot from life, maybe, but I am happy pretty much every day to be here with DH and a job I like and a home I like. There are things that could change that would make it easier, or make me even happier, but I try not to let their existence take away from what I do have. My life could have been very very different, and I am so glad that it's what it is.

I'm not a naturally optimistic person, either - but I do try and take joy from even the smallest things in my life.

I am actively, joyously happy most days at this stage of my life.
I’ve just got married to a wonderfully kind and generous man, have a good body, my health, work when I feel like it, have friends, pets, do loads of fun things. Have enough money………
I’m usually happy.
Have suffered short bouts of depression lasting 6 months or so in the past linked with an abusive relationship. And as a teen I was very unhappy and had body dysmorphia into my 20’s but that’s common I think.

I’m content with my life, even if from the outside it looks like I shouldn’t be. I spent my late teens / twenties bumbling from one bad relationship to the next, then finally got counselling after splitting from my exh. I’m now happily single, just one dc left at home, but a good relationship with my older son who’s at uni. I don’t have a lot by some people’s standards (I’m disabled and live in a council flat) but it’s not stuff that makes you happy, and I’m daily grateful to the welfare state and NHS, as in another time and place, my life could be very different. I have a strong faith as well, which for me makes all the difference, as well as good friends around me. I find joy in the small things.. reading a good book, eating a couple of posh chocolates, the first cup of coffee of the day.
Ten years ago I had everything that “should” make me happy; husband, house, dc; but I was depressed and unhappy to the point of suicidal. Working through the past trauma and getting proper support for my mental health, was a game changer for me.

My mother once said happiness, true feelings of happiness, are rare and you need to cherish those when they occur. Other then that, mostly it will be a feeling of being content that you will feel.

Not sure if I agree with her or not.

I love life (maybe not this past year!) and get genuinely excited at making plans to see friends / go away / getting a takeaway and watching a film. I’m a natural optimist and consider myself very lucky, despite having difficult patches in my life. I hope I’m always this way; I’ve seen plenty of depression and anxiety in people close to me.

I've been unhappy and very dissatisfied with my life in the past but I am generally happy and content now, so I've seen both sides. What it's made me realise is that capitalism really is fucking us all over. When I was unhappy, I was in unstable or freelance jobs, house-sharing and not managing my mental health issues. I now have a stable job and a good career and I'm able to afford weekly private therapy, I own my flat and while I'm not rolling in it, I have enough money to treat myself and cover any emergencies. I'm single but genuinely content and I'm not looking for a partner. While my mental health issues definitely played a big part in my unhappiness before, a huge factor – and I'm loath to say this, because I don't believe money buys happiness – was money. It certainly doesn't automatically make you happy, but it brings you choices. I have the choice and the means to have therapy, to afford my meds, to afford a stable home. If the basics like a secure home and food and better funded healthcare accessible to all (I know the NHS is accessible but it is woefully underfunded in some areas) were available to everyone no matter their financial situation, I think we'd be a happier nation overall. Yes, I am a socialist before anyone jumps in and says that sounds too communist!

I have good days, bad days and middling days. I have a lot on my plate at the moment and going through a difficult time that has lasted a few years and likely to last for some time, so I've had more bad days than I'd like recently. I am generally a happy person though and accept the bad days for what they are - bad days, not a bad life. I'm also happy with being content (if that makes sense) and have tried to improve on my mindfulness over the years and to enjoy the small things. I think a positive outlook is partly innate, but can also be worked on. I hate the thought of losing time to sadness because of one aspect of my life.

one of my parents constantly makes it clear to me that life is really just quite the slog and you get on with it

This makes me sad, OP. I'm not saying you can always think yourself into being happy - there's a lot of things that can make you unhappy and no amount of thinking about it will fix it.

But even on a day where you're unsatisfied with your job or your home or where you are in life, there are bits of joy to be found. I started work late this morning so I could make myself a fancy breakfast and coffee and sit with my cat listening to the radio and just take a little 5 minute moment to enjoy the simple pleasure of doing that. I still have a stressful day at work ahead, I still don't own my own house and I'm still mad as a box of frogs, but I started my day being happy for a little moment of peace and quiet. I'm happy now, at lunchtime, because my team are being hilarious on Slack comparing lunch plans and I'm reminded how much I like the group of people I work with. I'll be happy at 4.30pm when I finish and I drag myself to the gym because I know I'll feel better after and full of endorphins and I'm doing something good for my brain and body. I'll be happy at 6pm when I get home and get in a bath with all my silly candles and bubble bath and a podcast. I'll be happy at 9pm when DH hands me a brew and a biscuit and discreetly takes himself off so I can watch my 'terrible TV' (Love Island, oops) because it's a small gesture of understanding what's important (in a loose sense, haha) to me.

All the bad things will still exist. But there is so much joy in the bits in between and those are what sustains me, those are what make me happy day-to-day. Happiness doesn't have to mean 'complete satisfaction with every single aspect of your life' (although it'd be nice if it did) - it can mean being able to take joy from parts of your life, most days, and being glad that you're there to experience them.

I hope you have support around you, and that if you aren't already getting treatment you consider speaking to your GP - being unable to feel happiness (known as anhedonia) can be a symptom of depression, so it's worth looking into.

Yep, I love my life and I’m so happy.

I am a parent, something I never thought would happen for me. It actually amazes me every single day. Not an hour goes by where I don’t look at my toddler and actually question how the heck I got this lucky. I won the lottery of life and I will never believe I ended up in this position, it’s too good to be true!

I also have amazing friendships, a great husband, a rewarding well paid job I love, a mortgage, hobbies that really fulfil me.

I also have daily unrelenting chronic pain I have to take morphine for, I’ve lost a parent to addiction, family to estrangement, been bankrupt, had my heart broken, been in poverty. But life is full of ups and downs. And I’m happy. I know loads of people who are genuinely really happy with their lives.