Is anyone regularly happy/loving their life or is it a fantasy?

[gingercatpat]

I come from a somewhat dysfunctional family so I don't really know what life is like for others. Yes I have friends and extended family but everyone tends to portray their lives as happy and perfect when I'm confident the reality is far from that.

I just wondered, are there people out there who are genuinely happy with life, perhaps even love their life, or maybe just content and at peace with whatever their life may be? Or is that just a fantasy and the reality is that most people are unhappy and just getting through each day?

I also ask because I guess I've been unhappy with life for sometime but I'm unsure if what I'm trying to achieve isn't even achievable as one of my parents constantly makes it clear to me that life is really just quite the slog and you get on with it

Everyone I know who is reasonably happy is either in a decently happy relationship or single, I know a lot of happy single people. You seem aware that this relationship has been very bad for you, and I think that means you know you need to leave. Your kid will thank you.

"he is going to suffer childhood trauma at the hands of a very aggressive father" - no, he isn't, because you're a loving parent (unlike your mum) and you're going to protect him and get him out of there.

In answer to your original question, not every day is brilliant but fundamentally I feel happy and - I think this is very much related - lucky in terms of my friends and partner. I feel happy to be around them, they are kind to me, I feel touched that they want to spend time with/live with me.

I'm usually happy and optimistic (hence the username) but I think I'm quite unusual. My OH is also hat-on-the-side-of-the-head type too, not much gets him down. I have crap days of course and I've struggled over the last year or so because I loved my life the way it was but I'm currently enjoying clawing it back again I've never taken much for granted, don't really do social media (Facebook etc) and keep a gratitude journal, all of which help. I will admit that I'm a bit of a Pollyanna and my stubborn, unshiftable desire to see the good in everything and everyone means I struggle when things are genuinely bad or hopeless but I find pessimists really hard to get on with. I just couldn't live like that.

[quote gingercatpat]@IamAporcupine we appear to feel similarly, and one thing I have noticed in many of the replies is how happy people are in their relationships. I'm now thinking that our intimate relationships probably make us or break us. And that's what this is all about really. Is it even possible to be happy in life if you're unhappy in your marriage?[/quote]
gingercatpat
Unfortunately I agree with you.
I am in a really bad place at the moment - convinced I will end up separating but dreading it at the same time

If you ever feel like talking PM me.

I'm genuinely very happy. So it was a shocker when I suffered suddenly (first time ever in 40 yrs) anxiety and depression last year. I can tell you it was nothing to do with happiness, though depression was like a wall between me and happiness. I recovered with medication, a little therapy, and a lot of rest and support. I think I was burnt out and the anxiety broke me.

But I did before and do now love my life. I've wonderful parents, best sister you could wish for, a great husband, home that makes me hug myself, a job I'm really enjoying and that earns well. And 4 absolutely cracking children. I've been incredibly lucky.

I'm mainly contented. Sometimes happy, sometimes miserable. But it took a long time to get here.

Things that contributed:

• from the beginning I followed an unattainable dream. I knew it was bit I decided to enjoy it to the best of my ability. I prioritized this above all else. Including above jobs, living circumstances and my partner. I cherish the experience and I don't regret the decision one bit.
• I left an abusive relationship. It took me a long long time to realise it was abusive. Once I realised I left. I was devastated at the loss of my dreams surrounding that relationship but I knew there was no other realistic choice, so I did it. I got over it and when I look back now I thank my lucky stars I escaped.
• I read self-help books, blogs and websites. I got a lot of therapy. This gave me a grounding for how to follow my new dreams without getting dragged down by others agenda.
• I distanced myself from negative people and experiences. If all someone ever does is moan, I feel sorry for them, but I don't want to be around them. It's their choice to live in negativity instead of taking action and it's my choice to not be surrounded by that. I find it too draining.
• I moved a lot, accepted that and had very few possessions to make moving as easy as possible. When I tired of that I changed my circumstances and found a stable home. This was difficult but I'd do it over again if I had to. Now I have tons of stuff and the place feels mine, which it is. It's safe, there's heating, I can go out without becoming a crime statistic or wondering if I'll have peace when I get home or not. It's a hard feeling to describe. Like breathing a sigh of relief.
• I stopped putting everything and everyone else first and started giving myself space. To be me. To sleep when I want, eat what I choose, wear whatever I like, be where I want to be. With nobody questioning it. That's peace.

My life isn't golden and I haven't said much about it, or mentioned the bad, because it might be outing. It often feels golden though, because it's my life, that I made, with my choices. Anyone who isn't happy about that doesn't belong in my life. If that sounds simplistic, that'll be because I decided a while ago that life is as complicated as we make it, so I decided to simplify mine, including my thoughts about it. Now everything is easier and happier.

I think some people are naturally (or probably due to their upbringing) positive people that look for the good in things, and count their blessings and make the most of things when things don't go according to plan.
I think there are other people who are negative people and tend to moan about things and complain about things and who tend to be jealous of other people rather than happy for them.

So I think presented with the same set of circumstances, 2 people can respond to them very differently.

Aside from that, obviously some people have some difficult challenges to face in life and others are more fortunate.
Nobody leads a completely charmed life. We all have stuff to deal with though.

I love life.
I'm very lucky in that I have no health problems or disabilities and I have a lovely family.
I have a roof over my head, food and warmth.
All of which I'm grateful for and it makes me happy and content.

I’m happy but haven’t always been. I spent several years processing some trauma (sexual abuse as a teenager) and during that time often felt lonely, depressed and weak. But gradually I was able to put it to bed and move on. Now I feel very lucky most of the time. I live in a damp shabby cottage that I love, with a man I love, in a beautiful area, and drive a succession of old bangers that I can afford to replace when they die. I have a rewarding job that enables me to live comfortably - at least I find it comfortable! My family think it’s freezing here but they’re just soft and never satisfied with anything. I have good friends but also enjoy my own company, and I always have projects to fill my spare time. I have a great horse and a nice bicycle. I don’t go on holiday because there are too many things I want to do at home, and I don’t do home improvements because if this isn’t enough for me nothing will be.

Oh and I was happy single too. But unhappy dating losers who caused me to lose self respect.

I really do love my life. I have everything I've ever wanted. I do have a lot of trauma from the past that still affects me but it's something I will always have to deal with. Not every day is a good day but the bad days make me appreciate the good days so much more.

I feel like I have to pinch myself sometimes because I can't believe how lucky I am. My Husband is perfect in every way, I have the most amazing Son that I absolutely adore. Lovely little home and both DH and I have managed to achieve our dream careers. We also have a great work/life balance and it it's just a blissful little bubble. I am truly thankful for everything I have and in a way, I feel it's a reward for all the suffering I've been through.

I'm generally happy. I have live in a very beautiful place and wandering through my paddocks with the dogs, and looking at my cattle is my idea of bliss. I've had some very bad times in my life, (who hasn't?), but happiness can always be found in simple stuff. Just watching a young calf kick and buck in sheer high spirits makes me happy
Find what you love and just watch it, be in the moment and enjoy it