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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stick to my guns on this

71 replies

RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 13:50

Recently came into a little bit of money from a relative of mine. I said I'd like to do some stuff to the house with it, namely redecorating and carpeting.

The only room we aren't doing anything to are the DCs, both ours and my DSCs. Our joint DC is still a baby so still in with us so their room was only recently decorated as a nursery for when they eventually go in there.

My DSCs room hasn't been decorated in a while but it's also not bad, the walls are painted and look fine but the carpet is quite old and the furniture (apart from beds which are newish) so drawers, bedside tables, TV stand and wardrobe are getting on a bit.

I've said to DH I'm not bothering doing anything to any of the DCs rooms so not just my DSCs. He thinks I'm being mean doing the rest of the house but not doing anything with DSCs room.

My reasoning is it's pointless getting brand new carpet and furniture etc in there are the minute as it just gets ruined. There are already marks and stains on the carpet from pens and spills etc... They smashed a gel thing in there when a friend slept over the other month and I'd rather just leave them carpet/furniture that it doesn't really matter if things get ruined/spilt on.

Our DCs room was only recently decorated because they were only recently born so I don't feel it's favouritism or anything and we won't be replacing the carpet in their room yet either for the same reason but the furniture and walls are new.

So AIBU to stick to my guns that the DCs rooms don't need doing and it would be a waste of money right now.

OP posts:

Brakebackcyclebot · 01/08/2021 13:52

I think you're being a bit mean. Get carpets you can clean easily. I have ones that you can bleach in DCs' bedrooms!

frazzledasarock · 01/08/2021 13:56

Unless the carpets are threadbare an unliveable I’d leave the rooms till DC are older and better at taking care of their things then change it.

I did that with my DC rooms as well.

And I do not clean carpet apart from hoovering. What does easy to clean carpets require? Getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing them clean? I wouldn’t.

Myneighboursnorlax · 01/08/2021 13:57

I was on your side when I thought you weren’t decorating the room of either child, but actually if the nursery has only recently been done, then it really does seem like you’re only leaving your DSCs room untouched. Could you not just replace a couple of bits of furniture at least, but leave the carpet for the reasons you said? Or maybe get them a rug to make their carpet look a bit nicer, but something which can be washed.

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 13:57

Honestly if it was me, I would huve their rooms a bit on update.

If you really don't want new carpets. Some new furniture maybe.

How old are the step kids?

Original poster

RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 13:59

@frazzledasarock

Unless the carpets are threadbare an unliveable I’d leave the rooms till DC are older and better at taking care of their things then change it.

I did that with my DC rooms as well.

And I do not clean carpet apart from hoovering. What does easy to clean carpets require? Getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing them clean? I wouldn’t.

No there is nothing wrong with them other than being a bit on the older side and marked from things that have been split and so on..

This was what I was planning to do, replace them when they are a bit older and I'll do exactly the same with our joint DC.

Babies room was only painted recently because they were only recently born and obviously they needed new furniture as we didn't have a cot/toddler bed beforehand.

OP posts:

Original poster

RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 13:59

They are 8 & 10.

OP posts:

Peace43 · 01/08/2021 14:00

You sound a bit mean. You don’t need to replace carpets and fully redecorate but it would make DSC feel loved, special and included if their room got a little update - new rug, maybe a new piece of furniture or two, new bedding maybe.. a £100 spent would make a big difference to DSC.

Original poster

RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 14:01

I'm not bothered about buying a rug or some new bedding. My husband is talking hauling over the entire room, all new furniture, painting, carpets etc...

OP posts:

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 14:03

I think you could both compromise.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 01/08/2021 14:04

If you arent wanting to get new furniture or carpet can you update in other ways?
New curtains and bedding?
Pictures?
A wall of wallpaper or quick paint?

Weve recently done all dcs room like this and it makes a big difference. They chose the theme and the bedding and pictures and felt so happy and it didnt cost alot

Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 14:04

Seems like if baby and dc have recently had newly decorated rooms and furniture and now rest of the house is getting done up, the dsc room is left out.

MrsN100 · 01/08/2021 14:04

Yanbu. You will be throwing money away when in a few years the wear and tear will be less. Off course minor things like new bedding or decor is fine, but doing a complete haul is just silly.

Original poster

RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 14:06

@Mymapuddlington

Seems like if baby and dc have recently had newly decorated rooms and furniture and now rest of the house is getting done up, the dsc room is left out.

There is only one baby, no other DC. So the babies room was decorated when they were born and obviously had new furniture as they needed a cot etc.. they weren't just decorated for the sake of it.

OP posts:

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 14:08

I think why the other child's room was decorated isn't really relevant.

If the whole house is getting work I would do some updating in their room.

HegeHog · 01/08/2021 14:12

Poster's are forgetting it's your money. If you only want to decorate certain rooms in your house you absolutely can. It costs a lot of money to carpet, refurnish and decorate a whole house. I wouldn't want to do that if it was just going to get ruined.

If their Dad feels so strongly about them having new carpet and furniture he can pay.

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 14:14

@HegeHog

If their Dad feels so strongly about them having new carpet and furniture he can pay.

Can't speak for others, but I'm not forgetting its her money.

Op made it clear it was hers. Obviously, they don't share all their finances. Why are you assuming what people are forgetting or not?

acolderwar · 01/08/2021 14:18

@Angelofchaos

I think why the other child's room was decorated isn't really relevant.

If the whole house is getting work I would do some updating in their room.

Because she feels like she has to justify not decorating her own DC's room as she is a step parent and therefore will be roasted by some posters for any reason they can think of.

OP, don't bother posting a question like this on here. You are absolutely being reasonable to not want to spend out this money on this, but because it relates to DCS you're going to be called cruel, mean, blah blah blah as usual.

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 14:19

New bedding maybe as one poster said.

Otherwise, I'm totally with you. Mine had second hand furniture due to lack of funds until she was in a position to look after stuff properly and tidy her room herself.

Looking back she put up with a standard (not filty) carpet for years. Looking back I made the right decision there, as over the years eveyrthing has been spilit of it. Only just now replaced and she is nearly sixteen.

louisvillelou · 01/08/2021 14:23

What do the DSC think? Do they want an update or are they happy as things are?

Can you afford to get them a few new bits - nothing huge but some new curtains/linen/lamps or gimmicks for them to use?

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 14:30

@acolderwar what are you talking about?

Threads like this go a certain way because people like you make assumptions about people cirscuntances and why they have certain opinions.

I don't really understand you point.

I was in a similar position to op and made similar decisions each year with money I'm shares that pays out every year.

I have given my opinion. The whole house is having an update. That room isn't because it's recently had one. So I would give their rooms a bit of an update with my money. And I have done similar for my dps son.

Why do you feel that your option is the only right one and no one else can have a different one and if they do it must be, because they have some sort of grudge against step mothers?

Ohpulltheotherone · 01/08/2021 14:31

No you’re not being unreasonable to prioritise doing the main parts of the house first, I wouldn’t as you say replace carpets and beds and bigger pieces if they didn’t need it.

Compromise and buy them some new bedding, perhaps some funky cushions or a new rug etc. Some new posters framed on the wall.

Your DH could easily give his kids bedroom a refresh without spending a load of money if he wanted - the fact that he hasn’t does make me think he’s only bothered about it now as he doesn’t have to spend any of his money and effort on it.

What does a couple tins of paint and some new bedding cost? 50£ all in? He could have done that at any point but hasn’t…. What does that suggest? He wasn’t arsed before, the room was good enough.

We have thought about doing my SCs room but like you OP they are little savages and they ruin everything, absolutely no respect - draw on the bunkbeds, walked paint all over the floor, leave sticky sweets, make up and crap all over the lovely dressing table I set them up.

So therefore until they are a bit older they are keeping the older beds and flooring, they can have a lovey redecorated room when they will look after it a bit better.

eightyfourandahalf · 01/08/2021 14:31

What do the DSC think? Do they want an update or are they happy as things are?

Who cares?

You can't ask them anyway, what do you do if they say they want a change? Then it's mean to refuse.

EKGEMS · 01/08/2021 14:33

I would pull the carpet out in both rooms and put down laminate flooring that is stronger than wood and durable and more difficult to stain-an inexpensive area rug, new paint and some ikea furniture and boom you've redecorated without breaking the bank. Would your husband pay towards it?

billy1966 · 01/08/2021 14:46

Your money, your decision.

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 01/08/2021 14:53

Two years ago I redid all my DC’s room’s as we all had a swap around of bedrooms one room is my 13 year old Dd 11 at time, and the other room is my DD6 and DD3 room who at the time were 1 & 4, the little twos room is still immaculate not even a mark on the wall, the 13 year old well I spent the most on this room and went all out and bought expensive furniture too I wish I never had, she’s ruined it even with me keeping on about how expensive it was and to please look after it and after a few weeks of seeing how she wasn’t looking after it giving her a tray for when she’s doing anything messy, the beddings all marked the tops of furniture all marked marks on floor and walls etc the only thing still in good condition is the bed itself and the curtains.
From my experience with my DD I wouldn’t want to redo a pre teens room ever again.

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