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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stick to my guns on this

71 replies

RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 13:50

Recently came into a little bit of money from a relative of mine. I said I'd like to do some stuff to the house with it, namely redecorating and carpeting.

The only room we aren't doing anything to are the DCs, both ours and my DSCs. Our joint DC is still a baby so still in with us so their room was only recently decorated as a nursery for when they eventually go in there.

My DSCs room hasn't been decorated in a while but it's also not bad, the walls are painted and look fine but the carpet is quite old and the furniture (apart from beds which are newish) so drawers, bedside tables, TV stand and wardrobe are getting on a bit.

I've said to DH I'm not bothering doing anything to any of the DCs rooms so not just my DSCs. He thinks I'm being mean doing the rest of the house but not doing anything with DSCs room.

My reasoning is it's pointless getting brand new carpet and furniture etc in there are the minute as it just gets ruined. There are already marks and stains on the carpet from pens and spills etc... They smashed a gel thing in there when a friend slept over the other month and I'd rather just leave them carpet/furniture that it doesn't really matter if things get ruined/spilt on.

Our DCs room was only recently decorated because they were only recently born so I don't feel it's favouritism or anything and we won't be replacing the carpet in their room yet either for the same reason but the furniture and walls are new.

So AIBU to stick to my guns that the DCs rooms don't need doing and it would be a waste of money right now.

OP posts:
Cuddlyrottweiler · 01/08/2021 14:58

No I wouldn't bother either.

Planty13 · 01/08/2021 15:12

I think it’s shitty for every room of the house to be updated except the SC room. They will pick up on it and they will remember years later

TurquoiseDragon · 01/08/2021 15:15

Your DH could easily give his kids bedroom a refresh without spending a load of money if he wanted - the fact that he hasn’t does make me think he’s only bothered about it now as he doesn’t have to spend any of his money and effort on it.

What does a couple tins of paint and some new bedding cost? 50£ all in? He could have done that at any point but hasn’t…. What does that suggest? He wasn’t arsed before, the room was good enough.

Hear, hear! He's only insisting on it now because it's not his money.

I'm with you, OP. Why waste money on new furniture, etc, when they're still at the stage of making messes and spilling stuff? Just a bit of paint and some new bedding would be a good enough compromise for now. And get DP to do the painting.

Original poster
RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 15:19

@Makesmilingyourbesthobby

Two years ago I redid all my DC’s room’s as we all had a swap around of bedrooms one room is my 13 year old Dd 11 at time, and the other room is my DD6 and DD3 room who at the time were 1 & 4, the little twos room is still immaculate not even a mark on the wall, the 13 year old well I spent the most on this room and went all out and bought expensive furniture too I wish I never had, she’s ruined it even with me keeping on about how expensive it was and to please look after it and after a few weeks of seeing how she wasn’t looking after it giving her a tray for when she’s doing anything messy, the beddings all marked the tops of furniture all marked marks on floor and walls etc the only thing still in good condition is the bed itself and the curtains. From my experience with my DD I wouldn’t want to redo a pre teens room ever again.
See I'd be really annoyed if I spent what would equal quite a big chunk on new carpets and furniture and then it got stained or ruined.

DSC haven't said anything about their room.

I'm not sure I agree that why our babies room was decorated is irrelevant. The DSCs room was painted etc.. when we moved into the house. This is basically the same thing with our baby. They just didn't exist then! Do people really redecorate all their DCs room when they have a new baby so no one feels "left out".

OP posts:
MrsMiddleMother · 01/08/2021 15:19

I'm completely with you OP. Like you said yeah maybe get a rug or some new curtains but not redo it all and if your husband has that much to say, he can refurb the bedroom from his pocket.
Your money, your choice.

DamnUserName21 · 01/08/2021 15:31

Agree with you, OP. Hold off re-decorating (new carpet, paint) kids rooms until they are much older (you won't stress about the spills then!) but give them some money to spruce them up a little as they would like.

Angelofchaos · 01/08/2021 15:34

They just didn't exist then! Do people really redecorate all their DCs room when they have a new baby so no one feels "left out".

No. But I also wouldn't do every other room in the house and nothing in theirs.

Just different people doing different things

CaptSkippy · 01/08/2021 15:48

If your Dh wants it done he can spend his own money, otherwise the rooms can wait till they are older and more responsible.

LittleMissnotLittleMrs · 01/08/2021 15:49

Is the carpet you are replacing better than their carpet? If so, can you put that down in their room? Her dad can paint whatever colour they want

REP22 · 01/08/2021 15:57

What do the DSC think? They might not want the room changing. When I was 11 my parents re-did a lot of our house. I loved my little room and was quite unhappy to have it all pulled out and redecorated without much of a choice in how it was done. I know it was my parents money, their house, etc., but sometimes these things matter to a child.
Best wishes to you, in any case.

clickychicky · 01/08/2021 15:59

He's just trying to get out of paying for his own children.

Zombiemum1946 · 01/08/2021 16:15

Laminate flooring with a rug for warmth, neutral paint on the walls(they can put whatever posters or pictures they want on the walls). I agree with waiting to change the furniture unless dh puts towards the cost. Kids are so rough on furniture etc that I don't spend a huge amount on it.

Original poster
RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 16:20

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs

Is the carpet you are replacing better than their carpet? If so, can you put that down in their room? Her dad can paint whatever colour they want
No it's the same carpet throughout the rooms.
OP posts:
DancesWithTortoises · 01/08/2021 16:21

Ah, the step mother bashers are here.

OP, the DCs of the first marriage are golden and deserving of all your money. Didn't you know?

If only people realised how silly they look when demanding the first DCs have it all.

Ignore.

19lottie82 · 01/08/2021 16:25

I don’t recall ever having my room redone from when we moved house at the age of 8 until I moved out at 17 (and we weren’t poor), and I wasn’t scarred for life 😂
Have the kids even asked to have their rooms done up?

Yesitsbess · 01/08/2021 16:28

@Brakebackcyclebot hang on...rewind...bleachable carpets?

Tell me more.

HollowTalk · 01/08/2021 16:32

So there are two other children, one yours and one his, each with their own room? Why not say that when they are 11, ready for high school, they can have their room done? They should have matured a bit by then and will be spending more time in their room, too.

Original poster
RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 16:33

@HollowTalk

So there are two other children, one yours and one his, each with their own room? Why not say that when they are 11, ready for high school, they can have their room done? They should have matured a bit by then and will be spending more time in their room, too.
No sorry.

We have one child together, who is currently still in with us as they are a baby.

My husband also has two other children who are 8 & 10 who share a room.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/08/2021 16:36

Oh OK. I think if every other room in the house is being done, then, that does look a bit awkward. I can see why you don't want to spend the money on it if they're going to wreck it, though. Why not put the money you would've spent into a savings account that can be used to decorate when they've grown up a bit?

Brakebackcyclebot · 01/08/2021 16:38

Yesitsbess, yes. I got them in Carpetright! £400 for 2 bedrooms, the carpets are "amthrocite" (very dark grey 😂). I bought bleachable because my DCs were 10 & 13 at the time and I had fears of teenagers being sick on them - wanted to able to clean them..... (or rather they could).

They are 17 & 14 now and neither has been sick on their carpet. Yet.

Original poster
RoomyTunes · 01/08/2021 16:41

I think if every other room in the house is being done

Yes the living room, hall landing stairs and our bedroom is being done. Nothing is being done to our babies room (which they aren't in yet) but it was done 6 months ago when they were born because obviously they'd just arrived. So I don't know if that counts as all the rooms being done as our babies room isn't having anything done to it either but is obviously newer than theirs by virtue of the fact they have only recently joined us.

OP posts:
Yesitsbess · 01/08/2021 16:47

@Brakebackcyclebot I love the forward thinking there Grin

I feel it may come in very handy for my son who appears not to be able to move without spilling something. Thankyou!

OP I agree with most PP, it would be nice to do a little update with rug and some bedding and posters maybe.

NeedNewKnees · 01/08/2021 16:47

Personally (bitter experience) I wouldn't recarpet for that age. Bloody nail varnish mishaps. Leave it a few years.

HollowTalk · 01/08/2021 16:48

Yes, perhaps a new lamp, rug and duvet cover would do it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2021 16:51

@RoomyTunes

I'm not bothered about buying a rug or some new bedding. My husband is talking hauling over the entire room, all new furniture, painting, carpets etc...
A rug and some new bedding and maybe some other bits and pieces sounds like a good compromise to me, @RoomyTunes.