Cried at yoga this morning. Always stressed during Savasana. Why?

[WineRipened]

I'm posting here for traffic as I am not sure whether there is a dedicated exercise section.

Well as per the title, I cried during Savasana today and I want to know why I find it so much like torture and whether I should persist with it or whether I should ask the instructor if I could leave at the start of it.

Bit of history with it, I have always found it difficult. I tend to fidget, get itchy, scratch, feel anxious, move and wiggle but I endured it for a while. About 2 years ago I would just make an excuse at the start of the class that I had to leave early and that was normally ok. I left quietly and hopefully didn't disturb anyone. I have never thought too much about it, just that it feels deeply uncomfortable and I hate it.

It is not just savasana where I feel like this. Other situations would be having a beauty treatment where I have to lie still with my eyes closed and I'm supposed to be relaxing and enjoying it, having a CT scan for example, having to sit in a hairdressers or having to sit during meditation. These are the only examples that I can think of off the top of my head.

Anyway, new class that I'm going to about 3 weeks. First time, I was only person there so I told instructor that I disliked it. She suggested lying on my side. Fine that week and last week. Today however, I lay on my back to start with (had forgotten about the lying on my side thing) and instructor says 'WineRipened, you can lie on your side'. So, I switched to my side, hugged knees into chest as she suggested and then suddenly I felt the tears coming. I tried to disguise this onslaught of madness but eventually couldn't as I do ugly crying. Big red face and snot. So I sat up, turned my back to class and sat there sobbing great big sobs like a fucking loon. Instructor came over, asked permission, and sat beside me and hugged me and stroked my back. Tears and heaves continued, but I calmed a bit and hopefully other participants didn't notice.

So what the hell is wrong with me?

Your post made me cry .
I can relate I started going to yoga after having a nervous breakdown . I was on medication and as I started coming off them I felt very vulnerable in that end pose . I couldn't stop fidgeting and almost felt on verge of a panic attack . I used to wear a hoodie and pull it right round my face . That helped.
I have always suffered with social anxiety I don't enjoy meals out or the hairdressers they are ordeals for me .
However the breakdown changing my relationship with anxiety . I try not to let it control me and realise I was fighting it so much all my life . I was just getting more and more uptight and focusing on it far too much . Yoga is probably the best thing you can do . Anything along with things that you love and relax you .
Sending lots of love to you . I wish I had known I was not the only one who felt that way when I was going through it so I hope it helps to know you are not alone .

I used to get this in meditation, I knew it was grief because of my son dying, I thought I should have come to terms with it over the years, so I asked a trusted spiritual teacher, why I still cried. He told me it was the old ideas, about life and death, dissolving, I don't know even now if that was true, but it gives me comfort to think that tears are a positive thing.

I’m finding this thread enormously reassuring about my own struggles with savasana.

Don't give up OP, emotional release is a good thing. It wouldn't bother me if I was in a yoga class with you, I'd just use it as an opportunity to practice my own meditation techniques.

I know you said you don't like meditation but I would strongly recommend headspace, there are sessions specifically designed for feeling and then letting go difficult emotions and being able to do this at times of your choosing would be good for you.

Would also recommend the CBT exercise of tense and release as you may find that provokes an emotional release. I've definitely found this one useful when I was holding a lot of suppressed emotion.

I might have suggested adhd or similar too. Yoga makes me want to punch a wall. I so want to like it but I can’t.

Oh OP there are obviously deep feelings there and it’s a time when you feel vulnerable and don’t have anything to distract you.

No advice but I hope you’re able to work through the trauma and feel safe and secure again soon

I have cried in many savasanas - especially if the music is particularly emotive. My class is full of amazing, supportive women, and I see it happen frequently. I’ve seen people still walking out sobbing.
I’m not a crier, have nothing to really be sad about - it’s almost like a euphoric release, but once it starts, I can’t stop

I've bowled at yoga before too - and fallen asleep. Agree both are far from unusual. Perhaps you could do it at home the day before and let some of it out?

If you've had any traumas in the past could you try therapy?

I must admit I absolutely hate any quiet time without distractions, I was bullied horribly at school and I start thinking about it and it really upsets me, if I’m on my own in the house I have the TV or radio on and I have the TV on to go to sleep, at the end of yoga I usually end up planning what I’m going to cook or mentally do my shopping list to stop the intrusive thoughts.

Years ago, fairly soon after a very close friend of mine died, I went on a silent meditation retreat. It was supposed to be a week, or ten days maybe, I forget. Up at 4am, meditate all day, no speaking at all.

In the breaks between meditation sessions I went for walks around the grounds and found I couldn't help obsessively talking to myself. Two days in I completely broke down and was in tears in front of my poor room mate, who had to talk to me to calm me down.

I realised that what I needed at that time was not silent contemplation, but talking therapy. The retreat was the worst way of dealing with everything that was going on, I was just not in the right place for meditation, so I went home.

These days I do yoga and I love the Savasana, and generally any opportunity to be still and contemplative, but I've worked through a lot of issues in the intervening years.

Please don't stop the yoga - it sounds god for you.

@WineRipened
I'm awful at giving myself permission to 'feel' I'm very much a 'suck it up and carry on' person but that isn't healthy - the emotional release is SO important! I use soppy films or daft reality shows - I cried at Jumanji 3 and say yes to the dress yesterday! Not because they're emotionally touching but because I really needed that release.

It sounds like you get something similar from yoga. I think pay attention to your body/mood and give yourself permission to feel - it's important

I've just finished my yoga teacher training. What to do when people cry in your class is actually covered during training, it's THAT common, and not just in savasana. It's also a common topic in the yoga school facebook group (many people carry a pack of tissues just for this purpose).

You will definitely not be the first person to do it in that teacher's class and she sounds lovely.

If you came to my class and told me at the start that you were worried about crying during savasana, I'd give you the choice to leave just as we're coming into savasana, or to stay and work through it with the promise that there would be tissues and a hug available if wanted and no judgment. I would recommend persevering but giving the teacher a heads up at the start - any teacher worth their salt will be completely unfazed.

@KidneyBeans ‘ I'm very much a 'suck it up and carry on' person but that isn't healthy - the emotional release is SO important!’ I completely relate to this.

Hi OP- no advice except to say I really relate. I can’t meditate and I find savasana very difficult. Sitting still and just “being” is impossible for me.

My therapist believed it to be a symptom of complex PTSD- that I had become “disembodied” due to trauma and that times when I was could let mine and body meet uninterrupted- in stillness- were worth working towards. I’ve never got there yet, but I at least “see” this now, and accept it about myself with grace and kindness.

I hope you’ll treat yourself with such too.

@Pinkclarko

I might have suggested adhd or similar too. Yoga makes me want to punch a wall. I so want to like it but I can’t.

So many posts that have resonated but this^? Yes, yes and yes lol. Well just savasana. And fucking meditation. Which is why I usually do kickboxing.

@JammyDozen

You don’t sound weird to me. It has been very over twenty years since I’ve done any yoga so can’t speak about that specifically, but I do do meditation and, while I find it positive on the whole, I have definitely found it can sometimes be counterproductive and/or emotional in a way that is not helpful. I remember on one occasion doing a live guided meditation and being completely unable to stop fidgeting. The more we were asked to consider every part of our bodies, the more uncomfortable I felt - I could imagine every bone and tendon in my hand, arm, etc., moving and creaking, and this felt awful - until it was unbearable. At other times the same exercise feels very good. I also know to avoid meditations that involve counting breaths pretty much all the time as I have OCD and start obsessing about the numbers.

On a more positive note, a good cry in meditation is part of what is so powerful (in a positive way) about it. For me - if it is not positive for you, that is also fine. Point is, feeling strong emotion is very normal in these types of practice. You just have to consider whether it’s ultimately something you find beneficial or not.

I find meditation a mixed bag. When it’s good, it’s great, but sometimes it is better to realise the circumstances aren’t right and stop.

If this is not beneficial for you, then you absolutely don’t need to do it. Whether that’s altogether or on certain occasions. Sounds like you have a wonderful instructor, btw.

I remember on one occasion doing a live guided meditation and being completely unable to stop fidgeting. The more we were asked to consider every part of our bodies, the more uncomfortable I felt - I could imagine every bone and tendon in my hand, arm, etc., moving and creaking, and this felt awful - until it was unbearable. At other times the same exercise feels very good. I also know to avoid meditations that involve counting breaths pretty much all the time as I have OCD and start obsessing about the numbers. This is almost exactly how Savasana is for me!

Hi @WineRipened, I just wanted to add to what lots of people have said here - shavasana is a time of release.
People fart, sleep, cry - whatever.
Please don't read that as me minimising what you feel. Honestly, do what you feel. It's a good thing that you can let go and follow your emotions.
No-one will judge you for it. (By the way, your yoga teacher sounds fabulous.)
I've certainly shed a tear (or several!) during shavasana.
It's a good way to let go, and if you enjoy the rest of the class, don't give up just because of this.
I've had to stop yoga, and miss it terribly - it was truly my 'me time'.
for you. I truly hope you find a way to resolve this.

(Name changed to avoid linking to previous posts)

I'm a yoga teacher. I've been doing it for years, and I can tell you that in my many classes per week, not a week goes by without someone crying (or falling asleep!) in savasana. It's really, really common, sometimes even mid-class in poses that bring about deep release - like hip openers or something.

Your instructor has most probably seen it before, and it sounds like they were accommodating and respectful to your response, so they probably weren't at all phased. Please don't feel embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with you!

If you feel the class benefits you, you should keep going. If you feel another class would be better for you, then there are trauma-informed yoga practitioners and therapists that might be a good fit. If you're in the NW I may be able to help you find one. Or your instructor may know someone, if you feel happy to chat to her.

Without knowing more about your situation personally, I wouldn't want to make too specific a recommendation, but you mention you're in therapy, so definitely discuss it with them. For the actual savasana itself, you could try child's pose, which might feel a little less vulnerable, or if you feel comfortable having closed eyes, you could try a lavender eye pillow. That gentle weight on your eyelids might be enough to help you relax the muscles around your eyes and temples, which might help...

There are a couple of books that I have found really useful:

The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk
Yoga for Emotional Balance - Bo Forbes

Feel free to DM me if I can be of any help.

That's the third recommendation now for The Body Keeps the Score, so I'll definitely get that.

The strange thing is that I'm not aware that I was feeling anything at all. Just a bit 'oh here we go again with this malarkey' and then bam - the tears! I think there may have been an element of feeling forced to do this bloody thing when I don't like it, but normally in such a situation, I would have walked out, not cried! Really strange and embarrassing to lose control of yourself like that.

Someone asked further up whether I feel comfortable crying in public - No - I absolutely hate displaying any vulnerability at all. I've been to quite a few yoga classes and I've never witnessed anybody crying, though I guess if it's silent crying, then you wouldn't notice.

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to respond to everyone individually, but I have read every post and found so many resonated and I appreciate all the helpful suggestions. I'm like another poster in that concentrating on the poses etc. is my form of meditation in that it grounds me to the present and empties my head of the usual battery of unhelpful nonsense that ordinarily possesses it!

I can't do yoga at home as don't have enough space btw to the few who suggested that.

I'll give you an example of one experience with guided meditation. So, I'm drifting out to sea on a boat... Fine. Off I go on a boat, on a beach in Barbados. The sun is shining down and there's laughter and people all around me and I'm chilled af on my boat. All good. Nope. You're drifting out and you're all alone... totally at peace. It is peaceful and quiet with nothing but the sound of the water around you. There is nothing to see for miles around. Just you and the ocean. Well fuck that - have I got oars? Can I get back to shore? Where is everybody? Does anybody know that I've drifted out? Help???!!!
You dive into the ocean and feel the water all around you. You swim deeper and deeper and deeper.
Ok, I'll regroup and run with this.
You see a whale coming your direction. It's swimming slowly toward you. FUCK!!! Are you sure it's a whale? Do whales eat people?
As it passes you, you gently put your hand out and feel the soft skin of the massive whale'. Did I fuck!? That's not like me.
You watch the whale calmly continue past you Well thank Christ for that at least
You're all alone again and your hair is loosely moving around you, you're totally at peace I fucking am not. Can I go up for a breath yet?

At that point I made my excuses and left.

Yoga and meditation can be good for people with past trauma, but it can also be retraumatising A you really need a teacher who has a good understanding of trauma who can help you work within your window of tolerance - active mindfulness is often better for trauma than meditation (which is maybe why something like kickboxing helps - you’re in the moment but not focussed on your body. It would be worth chatting to your therapist about it just so they know how you’re processing things. They can then moderate your therapy to help you feel less overwhelmed in the quieter times.

I’d echo The Body Keeps the Score and would add Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman for a good understanding of trauma and safe therapeutic process.

I totally agree about those guided meditations, I always get very distracted by how much I don’t like the scenario (I also hate the idea of drifting off in a boat).

Also the one of the bird circling in the sky. I start getting distracted by the species of bird and whether I would really see such a thing where I live.

I can only meditate by just doing repetitive mantras or counting breaths, or mindfully listening to the sounds I can hear around me. Anything that involves an imaginative flight of fancy stresses me out.

You're not alone, OP. I was so touched by your post. For me, the thing that came across was the way your teacher knew your needs and held them in mind even when you weren't able to remember them yourself. I wonder if that is anything like the way you felt it?

Savasana is a powerful pose - letting go is so much harder than it sounds. I'm still working on it here.. Tears in savasana are treasures: they're asking for house room.

Is there anything you can bring or do to take care of yourself? An extra hoodie or blanket?

Right, yes… one of your statements IMMEDIATELY struck me, OP. I had to have an MRI this week. And I hate them with a passion (for people who have maybe only had one or none, a CT is a shorter tube, quieter, and usually a shorter exam, whereas an MRI is a longer tube, a longer exam, and loud as hell - a CT makes a whooshing noise and an MRI makes a knocking-beeping noise from hell, but they both cause claustrophobia for a lot of people). The fact that you have compared yoga, a hair cut, and a CT scan would seem very abnormal - many people find CT scans stressful and some people even need to be sedated a bit. So something about those situations, “forcing” you to be physically still and quiet, regardless of how small or large the space is around you, seems to be equally difficult for you - to you, the haircut is no different than the CT. And as you’ve just explained how your thoughts keep moving and questioning during guided meditation, it’s possible that your body is following the same path.

Our bodies definitely “hold” trauma in them, and I say that as a very not woo woo person, but I’ve seen people break down sobbing during massages, yoga, stretching, even laughter therapy. Perhaps after your big cry this week, you might find savasana is easier in the future, or maybe not. But I don’t think you’re “strange” for having it happen and I’d bet £5 your instructor has seen crying during yoga before.

Your description of a reaction to guided meditation is very good! That’s how my brain works in similar situations sometimes. I’ve had some wonderful “journeys” when meditating but they’ve come along by themselves rather than being instigated and described by others.

I’ve also cried during meditation, especially the first time I went to a Buddhist class after leaving an unpleasant relationship. For the first meditation I just sat there with tears streaming down my face and I became quite ill that evening with a stinking cold. I’m a great believer in the theory that the body reflects physically what we experience mentally and that releasing that is good for us, but the act of release can be traumatic.

Your yoga teacher sounds lovely 🙂