To be disappointed about this good luck card

[Marshmallow44]

I left a job in March, and I’ve received the good luck card only this week for some reason. It was a school role I suspect they closed for the summer and found it lying around somewhere, realising they forgot to post it.
It was a large school, with probably close to 100 staff members. I was there for almost a year and a half, granted it’s not that long, but it wasn’t a couple of weeks either.

I remember in my last week at the school in March, they sent out an email to all staff saying that I was leaving and that my card was in reception waiting to be signed. It was the time when all staff and pupils were back at school too.

I’ve opened it and I have a grand total of 8 people who’ve signed it, 3 of them are the office staff.

It’s not the end of the world but I guess I thought a few more people would. I am a quiet and shy person but I was polite to everyone there, I didn’t have any close friends or see any out of work though but I wasn’t part of a department or anything, I was the only one in the school doing that role.

It was nice of the organiser to do that card but at the same time they do it for everybody who leaves. Just feel a bit unpopular but I should get over it I guess.

Marshmallow44
I guess from your posts that the hurt runs deep. You sound a sensitive soul and I feel that the card business will fill your thoughts for some time to come, regardless of what we say to try and put it into perspective for you.
May I suggest that you join some clubs outside work such as a local social club who have events going on throughout the year, things you can dip in and out of with no commitment to go every week.
It was and is a frantic time in all our lives and as others have said, if you're a quiet person, you may not have made an impression despite being polite and saying 'Hello'.
It will take a bit of courage but I encourage you to get involved in activities outside work and then you'll have something to talk about and it might boost your social confidence.
Take heart, I'm sure they'd be mortified to know how hurt you feel. Life probably got in the way as it has for most of us at one time or another.
Put your energy into creating a social life which will bring you out of your shell. Yes, there are cliques. I have seen them on Gransnet and Nextdoor as well as in the workplace and socially. It happens all the time. Like attracts to like.
It would be nice to hear that you have taken the first steps to making your own circle of friends, in or out of work.
Best wishes 💐

Don't take it personally, I remember always so many cards to sign and they were usually brought round by kids to every staff member, pre covid. If it makes you feel any better I was in a school for over 10 years and not even half the staff had signed mine and I was friends with everyone! X

What I have learned in the past is that people always manage to disappoint. Never let it get to you, as it only reflects them, not you. Forgive, move on, and focus on things that make you happy.

Most of your time there would've been during the pandemic?
I once arranged a leaving lunch in a local pub after 3 years working in a hospital. Knew lots of people and we'd often go out in various groups. 2 people attended my leaving do!! I hope that makes you feel a bit better!!

I think there's two types of people, the 'they're shits, eff them' or 'it probably didn't get sent around/people were probably absent/it got lost/covid probably affected it all'. I'd be firmly in camp 2. I've seen it myself- card goes into a drawer/people forget to pass it on etc. I think you care/followed it up possibly because if things weren't great for you there you might have hoped for acknowledgment that it didn't go as badly as you thought and maybe you read into the lack of signatures but honestly it is more likely the things I listed above. Take care op and hope things go well for you

I worked in a school for 15 years
I got fuck all
Horrible bitchy places

@Bugbabe1970

I worked in a school for 15 years I got fuck all Horrible bitchy places

Awful.

I was given a card and vouchers for a massage by work when my exH left me for OW. I'm not joking. It was awful I was signed off and stressed, wanted to get back to work quietly. I know my colleagues meant well, but it felt OTT and it's big department where birthdays etc not celebrated much, possibly a card. I went back and had to say thanks for the sympathy.

People don't always get enthused to sign leaving, birthday and maternity cards when it's happening all the time.

On the flip side, our team leader left a couple of months ago. We are a small team, all worked together for years. We all chipped in for a leaving present then were asked for double the amount to purchase a fancy item which someone had thoughtfully chosen and gone to a lot of effort to get personalized. Team leader then failed to turn up at the leaving do that had been arranged and hosted by one of the team, and did not even acknowledge emails asking how best to get the item to them ( didn't want to post as item was quite valuable ). It was eventually left ( present and signed card) in a safe place for the person to pick up and it remains there two months later leaving the whole team rather gobsmacked. No thank you or anything, said person clearly doesn't want the gift. It has made me very reluctant to put any money or effort into another leaving present. This item cost £80 and can't be re-used/ gifted elsewhere as it is personalised !!

You were lucky to get a card. I didn't even get a goodbye.

On the flip side, our team leader left a couple of months ago. We are a small team, all worked together for years. We all chipped in for a leaving present then were asked for double the amount to purchase a fancy item which someone had thoughtfully chosen and gone to a lot of effort to get personalized. Team leader then failed to turn up at the leaving do that had been arranged and hosted by one of the team, and did not even acknowledge emails asking how best to get the item to them ( didn't want to post as item was quite valuable ). It was eventually left ( present and signed card) in a safe place for the person to pick up and it remains there two months later leaving the whole team rather gobsmacked. No thank you or anything, said person clearly doesn't want the gift. It has made me very reluctant to put any money or effort into another leaving present. This item cost £80 and can't be re-used/ gifted elsewhere as it is personalised !!
Is nobody just worried that something happened to them?

Please don’t feel down about this. I would imagine in the middle of furlough etc it just slipped people’s minds and some might not even be back at work by then. The more you dwell on it the more it will affect you. If you are so quiet and shy maybe teaching isn’t for you.

I had a very similar thing when I left my last classroom teacher job, except I'd been there for nearly 4 years, albeit part time. Only a handful of signatures and a very disappointing collection amount and, like you, the head hadn't signed it which I found extremely rude. His secretary was the person who arranged leaving cards and gifts and had only sent out one email asking staff to sign it as opposed to countless ones for staff she liked. Horrible woman. It was very hurtful and embarrassing and I too ended up binning it.

We both know that worse things happen at sea, OP, but know that I feel your pain and upset.

I recently organised a leaving card and gift for a really popular member of staff. There ending up being only about 10 signatures, even after I sent out reminder emails to specific ‘friends’. It’s just people being wrapped up in their own jobs and forgetting. I think education (we’re a sixth form) is often like this - jobs are often all consuming - but maybe I’m making excuses. It’s rubbish but try not to take it personally.

@LoisLane66

You've read an awful lot into the OP's posts. She was hurt that she didn't have much acknowledgement for her work, I didn't get the impression that her life was sadly lacking.

Wow!

I've had to organise cards for people who are leaving and people just don't sign them unless you go around with the card. Even if the card is left at the entrance and people pass four times a day they don't sign. This is as true for long-standing popular staff as it is for the annoying person who was there for six months. I'm as guilty of forgetting to sign the card as the next person, so I think the one to blame is the one who was organising it for it going around with the card making sure people signed. I imagine because they had more pressing things to do. And I think not removing you from the email saying there is a card to be signed is really poor form.

I'm going to say this kindly OP - emailing to ask for the card isn't usual. It would cause a few raised eyebrows where work.

I don't know what an informal support plan is exactly, but I'm guessing it means you weren't very good at your job. That would upset me a lot more than no receiving a card. In those circumstances I wouldn't want a bloody card!

@SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo
I apologise for upsetting you to the point that you felt it necessary to berate me.
The OP's post came across (to me) as if she was timid rather than outgoing and took things to heart too much as evinced by the facts that she asked where the card was, weeks after she left and other glimpses in her posts which give the impression that she is easily hurt.
I was trying to suggest ways she could perhaps
create a shell so that people's actions (or lack thereof) don't impact on her quite so much, after all, it was only a card and most people IMO would not be that bothered beyond a day or two.
Everyone has a different view and mine is not yours and vice versa.

Sorry to hear this, it’s never nice to not feel acknowledged for your work and effort.

A thought I had though - what if they lost the original card and figured they wouldn’t bother, then you emailed, so they panicked and set up another by which point it was July and no one was around to sign it?

Be careful not to hang on to your hurt feelings. I suspect we all have had moments of seeming rejection ( even little ones hurt!). Don’t try to fathom it or wallow. You sound like a kind and gentle person which is a great attribute in this turbulent times.

To be fair, unless a leaving card is stuck under my nose and a pen handed to me in the last couple of weeks of term, especially the one just gone, there is no hope of me signing a leaving card.
The cards that got signed by me this year are the two I made for immediate colleagues.
It really isn’t personal, although the recognition would have been nice.

Yes YABU, particularly in emailing to ‘chase up’ what had happened to your card. I know you don’t want to hear it, but that isn’t typical behaviour at all, and if I had received that email, the reaction wouldn’t have been a positive one. Schools are incredibly busy, particularly in this last year, and for someone who left mid-year to think that might be a priority for anyone is utter madness.

When we organise leaving cards and gifts, we take them round the school and put them in front of people to sign or it would just never happen. The staff are too busy and distracted to come and seek out a card to sign, regardless of how much they like the person.

Also, to those who have labelled schools as horrible, bitchy places - bit of a sweeping statement? How about if I said it’s more likely you’re a horrible, bitchy person?

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I would really try to let it wash over you. You're moving on to better things and in a year or 2 you will pick up the card and you won't even remember who the people were that signed it. 👍

It’s quite weird to email about the card.

In the nicest way possible, schools have been SO busy this whole year. It’s a ten minute round trip from my classroom to the office and since our breaks have been cut during covid, that amounts to nearly half my lunchtime. I don’t even go to the staffroom to make tea because I don’t have time, and I mark through my breaks. This will be the case for lots of school staff who simply won’t have the time/immediately forget because of 4628274 other things they have to do - especially if you were only there for 18 months and as you say didn’t build loads of friendships. Don’t let it bother you.

It's ok to feel hurt for a little bit, but I would hope that common sense would come into play and you could shrug it off quickly. As many PP have said, this has been a crazy year, and it was a temp role during a pandemic when most people didn't see each other and were very distracted and busy. Many places don't make a big fuss about leaving, or organising and chasing is left up to someone who isn't fussed, or is ill or otherwise busy. I'm a longstanding and apparently liked and respected member of my team, but IIRC I didn't get a card for maternity leave/baby. I just shrugged it off.

Holding onto this hurt - enough to email asking for the card, and then to make a mumsnet post about it - does suggest you find it hard to let things go and brush things off. You're also quite defensive in these posts.

You also say you found it hard to make friends/connections there, and on top of that you were on an informal performance management plan. What was the issue there? It's the last step of trying to sort out someone's poor performance, before moving to formal procedures (which are often used as organisations as a way of managing someone out). Most line managers want to give people a decent chance to improve, and some mistakes are expected in any new role. To get to the point of an informal plan, they must have either been trying quite a lot already to help you as part of normal line management, but you haven't followed through, or the performance issue was so severe that they had no choice but to go straight to informal performance management, to give you a last chance before moving down the formal route.

Someone who is well-liked but poorly performing (it does happen) may well still get a good send-off. If you're poorly performing but don't have good relationships with your colleagues, I'm not that suprised by what happened with your card.

Sometimes it's just that you don't suit the place, and will do better elsewhere, but it may be worth reflecting a little.

Don't take it personally. Just blame Coronavirus.
The reality probably is that the person responsible for the card did not put in the effort or care to follow up on the signings. The fact that she/he sent the email to all staff (without removing you from the reciprient list) shows a certain lack of consideration, and poor IT skills. Schools are like factories, or large learning machines filled with very many tasks to perform to tight deadlines. So one little card could very easily become overlooked due to bigger priorities. Nonetheless, a more diligent person would have done a better job, even with lockdowns and heavy workload. Just let it go and move on. Its not as bad as working for a company for 22 years, and then being given a pathetic good luck coffee mug and a cheap bottle of beer! (yes I have seen it happen).