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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use this name

59 replies

gerbilfur · 31/07/2021 09:56

Genuinely willing to be told if I'm being u.

Nc as outing.

I have a best friend, for the last 30 years. She has 2 ds and is pregnant with her 3rd ds. He will be her final dc. I have 1 ds.

There is a girls name she's always really liked, she said she'd use it if she ever had a dd. It also happened to be the favourite name of my late grandmother, who was pretty much my best friend.

I'm getting a puppy soon, and it's a girl. I want to use the name for the pup, however my friend I'd really hurt that I took her dd name. I said I thought it would be OK as she will not be having a dd.

Am I being insensitive? Should I change puppy name? I honestly only wanted to use it as name reminds me so much of my nan but my friend is more important and I don't want to hurt her.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 31/07/2021 09:57

But she's not having a girl so will never use the name? Is that right?

Original poster
gerbilfur · 31/07/2021 09:58

Yes that's right, she will not have a dd so will not use the name.

OP posts:
LibertyFLiberty · 31/07/2021 09:59

Shes probably feeling sensitive as she isn't having a girl.

DinosaurDiana · 31/07/2021 09:59

She doesn’t own the name. Use it.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 31/07/2021 10:02

Even if she'd had a DD and used the name, that doesn't give her copyright on it. I think she's being ridiculous.

Having said that, if the friendship is important to you and she's otherwise a good friend, it's probably not worth losing the friendship over this issue.

Are there any other names linked with your grandmother that you could use? Or a similar name - e.g. if the name was Alice you could call your dog Alison instead.

FamishedAtAnAirport · 31/07/2021 10:02

I can't get over the fact you are naming your dog after your grandmother. That's really odd imo. I've never known someone to name their pet after a family member.

BlueSurfer · 31/07/2021 10:04

On the basis that your friend has told you she is really hurt by it why do you then go on to ask if it’s insensitive because you don’t want to hurt your friend. It doesn’t matter whether it’s reasonable or not. Your friend will be hurt and you don’t want to hurt her, so surely that’s your answer? Getting justification from a bunch of strangers isn’t going to help your friendship.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 31/07/2021 10:04

@FamishedAtAnAirport

I can't get over the fact you are naming your dog after your grandmother. That's really odd imo. I've never known someone to name their pet after a family member.
She isn't naming it after her grandmother - it's a favourite name of the grandmother's.
FamishedAtAnAirport · 31/07/2021 10:08

She isn't naming it after her grandmother - it's a favourite name of the grandmother's

Ah, yeah. You are right. Ignore my comment. I even (mis)read it twice because I thought it was so odd!

LindaEllen · 31/07/2021 10:10

Do it. If your friend does ever have a DD, when she grows up she will love the fact that she shares a name with the dog.

girlmom21 · 31/07/2021 10:11

I think if shes your best friend you'd be better off just picking a different name rather than upset her.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 31/07/2021 10:11

I said I thought it would be OK as she will not be having a dd.

This was pretty nasty.

I would have just explained about the name and connection to your grandmother and left it at that.

BlueSurfer · 31/07/2021 10:11

@LindaEllen

Do it. If your friend does ever have a DD, when she grows up she will love the fact that she shares a name with the dog.
The OP probably won’t have her friend as a friend by then, so it’s totally irrelevant. I also can’t imagine anyone loving the fact they share a name with a dog.
freelions · 31/07/2021 10:11

If your friend has expressed that she would be hurt and upset if you use the name for your puppy then I wouldn't personally

Yes she is being unreasonable but why needlessly upset a good friend if it can be easily avoided?

OverTheWater · 31/07/2021 10:12

@SquirryTheSquirrel

Even if she'd had a DD and used the name, that doesn't give her copyright on it. I think she's being ridiculous.

Having said that, if the friendship is important to you and she's otherwise a good friend, it's probably not worth losing the friendship over this issue.

Are there any other names linked with your grandmother that you could use? Or a similar name - e.g. if the name was Alice you could call your dog Alison instead.

Dog called Alison Grin that's tickled me Grin
Urghhhhh · 31/07/2021 10:14

If I were your friend I would see it as a slap in the face. You could have chosen literally any other name. And all for a puppy....

SquirryTheSquirrel · 31/07/2021 10:14

Dog called Alison

I like proper human names for pets Grin. My dog (sadly now deceased) was named after a favourite musician and both my cats are named after historical figures. None of this 'Fluffykins' business in my house!

LimeRedBanana · 31/07/2021 10:15

FGS. Cop onto yourself.

It’s a puppy. Just choose another name? Confused

Or, you know, fall out with your friend, if the name for the dog(??) is so important to you.

P.S. Confused

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 31/07/2021 10:16

@FamishedAtAnAirport my cat is named after my grandad and it is the name of a city l love too so ticks both boxes!

PearlFriday · 31/07/2021 10:18

I'd put it to her that to honour the lovely name she chose, you want to honour that discerning selection by putting the name out there and giving it to your puppy. Put it to her like that.

I know that nobody owns a name etc.. but if it's a given that you care about your friend and if you admit as a starting point that we all have our sensitivities (and not having a daughter to give the lovely name to might be one of them...) then I'd ASK her if she likes the idea. Don't tell her what you've decided.
We're all sensitive about something and that doesn't make us generally unreasonable. We'd all want our friends to cut us some slack.

NashvilleQueen · 31/07/2021 10:20

I think a lot depends on how your friend feels about (a) not having a girl and (b) the name itself.

For example if she really loves the name because it has a special resonance for her then using it on a dog when you know the background is weird frankly. Especially given you've been friends for 30 years.

I also think it's a bit odd to name a puppy after a name your grandmother loved. I almost don't find it to be believable. I could understand naming after your grandmother but how much of her time did she spend telling you how much she loved a name (but presumably didn't use or encourage your parents to use for you)?

Original poster
gerbilfur · 31/07/2021 10:20

My friend is more important to me than the name. I think I am going to change it.

OP posts:
TwinsandTrifle · 31/07/2021 10:33

Yes, don't use the name. It's massively insensitive.

If I was pregnant and had decided on "Jack or Jane" discovered I was having "Jack" then my best friend immediately went out and got a female pet, and of every name to choose in the world, chose "Jane", I would be quite upset that she'd done that.

Maybe get a male dog, then you won't feel that you've had to use a different name than what you would have preferred.

FamBae · 31/07/2021 10:43

Every time you call you the pup you will be reminding her of the daughter she can't have, I think you have made a wise decision to change the name.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/07/2021 10:45

I think SIBU, but if you love your friend don’t upset her, indulge her craziness.