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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get annoyed that my husband has zoom socials after work when I’m exhausted and burnt out after day of kids

68 replies

Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 17:59

I’ve just got really pissed off with my husband (he’s home working today) because at quarter to 5 he comes into the kitchen to grab a beer out the fridge and tells me ‘I’m just having a beer with Amy she’s had such a crap day’. He’s meant to finish at 5 and then inevitably finishes late. My boys are 2 and 4 and honestly such hard work I think to myself how about my hard day!!

FYI he is her boss and Amy is young pretty blonde which doesn’t help my suspicions!

I’ve confronted him about it when he’s finished work and he’s saying I’m being ridiculously frustrating and that it’s work, but his own words were that he was having a social! He says he finished late because he had other work phone calls to deal with as well.

My argument is surely if you’re busy and want to get off at 5 to help me with the boys then why start a zoom social at quarter to!??

Pointed out to him if Amy has had such a rubbish day why not let her get off early to have a beer with her boyfriend or her friends??

Sorry for massive rant would be interested in opinions. Am I being a jealous weirdo?!

OP posts:
Confiscatedpopit · 30/07/2021 18:05

Absolutely not! You will get all the ‘cool wives’ out on this but if he were my husband I’d be telling him he was taking the piss!

Messyplayallday · 30/07/2021 18:07

My DH has a work social via zoom every Friday at 5pm. I open his office door and send our toddler in there at 5 so I can do what ever I need to do - my self care, dinner, sit on my phone, chores etc
Once the social finishes he often does some more work so I grab toddler back and give them dinner whilst he finishes up.

Sometimes it’s a group social, sometimes it’s with a younger female or male, sometimes older, sometimes it’s them all talking about nothing and other times it’s DH making sure other team members are okay.

He’s a managers mangers though, so has a duty of care to his reports.

I’ve never felt the need to become jealous.

Neverrains · 30/07/2021 18:07

Nah that would piss me off too.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 30/07/2021 18:07

Fuck THAT. When do you get a break? No, when the kids are young and demanding he steps up as soon as work finishes. He can have a beer with you!

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 30/07/2021 18:07

Nah fuck that - agreed ignore the cool wives they're full of shit!

Neverrains · 30/07/2021 18:08

@Messyplayallday

My DH has a work social via zoom every Friday at 5pm. I open his office door and send our toddler in there at 5 so I can do what ever I need to do - my self care, dinner, sit on my phone, chores etc Once the social finishes he often does some more work so I grab toddler back and give them dinner whilst he finishes up.

Sometimes it’s a group social, sometimes it’s with a younger female or male, sometimes older, sometimes it’s them all talking about nothing and other times it’s DH making sure other team members are okay.

He’s a managers mangers though, so has a duty of care to his reports.

I’ve never felt the need to become jealous.

What does the toddler do while your DH is chatting online?
GCAcademic · 30/07/2021 18:09

Yes, good idea from PP. Send the kids in with him and have a bath and glass of wine.

Messyplayallday · 30/07/2021 18:12

@neverrains

Sits on his lap, plays with the keyboard, takes a toy in with her, grabs a book, pulls his hair and demands cuddles and kisses.

She’s not the only child that ends up on the screen during the social. It’s not work, so nothing confidential.

If it is work - eg: a team member needing advice/support then we have an unwritten code that I need to hold her back for 15 mins but it’s never more than 15 mins.

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:13

He recently has a new garden office so doesn’t get so disturbed by the toddler, if it’s a nice day and we’re outside I let them go and make as much noise as they like and disturb him after 5. It was chucking it down with rain today and I did encourage my toddler out with his wellies and umbrella but he didn’t want to!

OP posts:
cinammonbuns · 30/07/2021 18:13

I think the issue is the social event in general not that it’s with a young women. Young women are there to work and earn money liek everyone else. The attitude that they are there to be listed after or lust after people’s husbands is so demeaning and annoying on MN.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a 60 year old man or a 25 year old women he should not be extending his hours away from doing household activities without discussing with you first.

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:13

That’s a good idea!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 30/07/2021 18:14

I understand your frustrations op

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:15

I get exactly what you’re saying and as a feminist myself I hate to even think it but I just can’t help but question would it be such a priority to counsel 60yr old Dave about his tough day. Hate to think that way about my husband and really hope that’s not the case.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/07/2021 18:16

They can have a social after he has helped you with dinner and put his DC to bed just like if he were going out for the evening.

Personally I would have taken the DC to visit Daddy it in the home office seeing as though it's a social and not work.

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:20

Those of you who have said you’d feel the same it has made me feel a bit better that I’m not turning into some neurotic crazy jealous type! I rarely get jealous, like some of you have said it probably is more the social aspect when he should be helping me with the boys as soon as he’s free.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:23

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit Thank you! I said words to this affect!

I’ve now left him with the chaos of boys, clearing dinner and bath and gone to bed with a cider and told him it’s my after work social 😂

OP posts:
Chihuahuacat · 30/07/2021 18:27

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable (but I seem to be in the minority) . Every Friday is not on, but once every so often let him have the social.

It’s actually quite annoying at work when we arrange a team social (usually for the new graduates who actually like it) and the senior people just don’t turn up or have to leave after 10 mins because of kids.

It’s means the senior people without kids end up having to sit there for ages so there is at least some senior representation.

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:27

@Confiscatedpopit

Absolutely not! You will get all the ‘cool wives’ out on this but if he were my husband I’d be telling him he was taking the piss!
I know what you mean about ‘cool wives’ it’s like there’s the pressure to put up with all the crap because got to be all easy going about everything and not be the ‘nagging wife’
OP posts:
Neverrains · 30/07/2021 18:30

@Chihuahuacat

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable (but I seem to be in the minority) . Every Friday is not on, but once every so often let him have the social.

It’s actually quite annoying at work when we arrange a team social (usually for the new graduates who actually like it) and the senior people just don’t turn up or have to leave after 10 mins because of kids.

It’s means the senior people without kids end up having to sit there for ages so there is at least some senior representation.

I get why it would be annoying if it was in work time but outside of work time? Their time is their own. This wasn’t a big social anyway… just the OP’s DH and one colleague. No not the scenario you referred to.
Neverrains · 30/07/2021 18:31

And maybe they have to leave early ‘because of kids’ to pick them up from childcare, for example? Nurseries won’t stay open later because you’ve decided to go for a work social.

GoldBar · 30/07/2021 18:35

Shout that you have food poisoning, push the boys into his office and then lock yourself in the bathroom with a book. Cue Youtube vomiting sounds on your phone if you hear anyone hovering outside. Sadly, he'll have to make dinner as well. Emerge just before bathtime with a wan smile and then go and lie down on the bed.

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:36

@Chihuahuacat I get what you’re saying and I guess if it’s a big group social that’s different, my husband has to do a lot of social events through work, goes away etc especially pre Covid end totally accept that’s all part of his job. I guess it bothered me more because it was just a one to one impromptu thing. Also maybe I wouldn’t mind so much if I had the privilege of socialising after a long day myself but with 2 demanding kids who literally don’t let me have a thought to myself I really struggle when I’m on my own with them. I just find it unfair when I also went to work today 7am-2pm then had to rush to pick boys up so I have no privilege of after work downtime.

OP posts:
youaresunshine · 30/07/2021 18:36

It would be a no from me. Where are his boundaries?

Original poster
Mumof2hyperboys · 30/07/2021 18:38

@GoldBar love this! 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Starfleck · 30/07/2021 18:39

I hate it when people say cool wives, its pathetic.