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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be anxious about a Y7 mums' meetup

88 replies

TheLasrStraw · 30/07/2021 13:51

It's in a bar and my hearing is rubbish. My daughter wants me to attend so she gets invited to stuff.

What are your tips for a successful evening?

They don't need to be my BFF, and I'm working on being less easily slighted.

I just want to come away with them thinking I was alright.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 30/07/2021 13:59

Be smiley and friendly, ask questions, have a drink but don't get drunk, and maybe think a few neutral conversation starters in case you get stuck, like how long they have lived in the local area etc. Good luck!

Thereareliterallynonamesleft · 30/07/2021 14:03

If you get chatting to someone you like, suggest a meet up soon with the kids so they’ll know each other better when school starts. And you’ll be able to get to know the mum better too, in the daytime somewhere quieter! Also ask if there’s a WhatsApp group/if they want to start one so you can stay in the loop!

Parker231 · 30/07/2021 14:08

Do Y7’s not arrange their own meet up’s? I only knew the parents of DT’s if they were pointed out at parents evening or drop off and collection from each other’s houses although most of the time they went by Tube and met their friends. I didn’t do any of the inviting or organising.

cookiecreampie · 30/07/2021 14:11

Sorry, I know it's unhelpful but I've never heard of anyone doing this type of thing in secondary school. Even primary school, only a very select few would be arsed about this.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/07/2021 14:12

It sounds very Motherland, doesn't it?

SoupDragon · 30/07/2021 14:13

Don't be afraid to explain that you struggle to hear when there is lots of background noise.

Ive found it useful to have a passing knowledge of who the parents are for when you have things like sports day/parents evening/whatever and can exchange pleasantries. Other than that, there's very little interaction needed I agree. It gets even less as they move up the school.

HelplessProcrastinator · 30/07/2021 14:14

Is this for all the year 7 mums? That would be a huge group, or is it a select few? My DD sorted out her own social life from year 7 onwards so it shouldn’t matter if you don’t attend.

SoupDragon · 30/07/2021 14:14

@cookiecreampie

Sorry, I know it's unhelpful but I've never heard of anyone doing this type of thing in secondary school. Even primary school, only a very select few would be arsed about this.
DD's school did in Y7 and it's stood me in good stead for the rest of her time there.

Nothing like a Motherland level of engagement though.

FedNlanders · 30/07/2021 14:15

Best thing about secondary is not having to be friends with other mums!

Parker231 · 30/07/2021 14:16

What about the fathers?

chunderwunder · 30/07/2021 14:18

Don't go. It sounds hideous. Encourage your daughter to make her own friendships.

TheSandgroper · 30/07/2021 14:34

Don’t they do parent social evenings in the UK?

We have at least a couple of parent/mothers meetups each year. Sometimes coffee, sometimes evening drinks. Sometimes organised by the year parents themselves, sometimes organised by the P&F committee as a whole school opportunity.

It’s a good thing. I’m not good at the chat so prefer to help set up but I have made some nice friends out of them.

Arsebucket · 30/07/2021 14:36

Are these the mums who can’t let go of primary school? Are they going to start a whatsapp group?

When my ds left year 6, I never saw another parent again, right the way through secondary.

Lipsandlashes · 30/07/2021 14:41

Gosh, I’d hoped this nonsense would be over by the time they start secondary school

HullIsWorseThanHell · 30/07/2021 14:45

I bet this is private school.

BasiliskStare · 30/07/2021 14:52

Well tell me if this is too simplistic but I would bowl in and say - "sorry my hearing isn't great" - get that out early doors - anyone who ignores that well .......

Have a drink to join in and see how it goes from there

As @takealettermsjones just be nice and smiley & ask them about their children ( lots of people like talking about their own children )

You will soon see if there is someone congenial you think you may get on with . & I agree with @Thereareliterallynonamesleft if someone seems nice ask if they want a meet up between DCs

Sorry that is a bit of a No Shit Sherlock reply but if it were me , that is what I would do .

All the very best to you - I bet you will handle it with aplomb Flowers

BasiliskStare · 30/07/2021 14:53

Simply replying because it seemed from your post you daughter wants you to go.

MrsEko · 30/07/2021 14:54

@FedNlanders

Best thing about secondary is not having to be friends with other mums!
Absolutely! Why would she not get invited to stuff if you don’t go? My two are both at secondary school and I have nothing to do with who they are friends with and haven’t since they were in year three or four. Apart from the practical stuff like lifts.

One of mine has friends over right now and if it wasn’t for the Dr Martens at the door I wouldn’t even know how many of them were here.

BasiliskStare · 30/07/2021 14:59

I had a DS at secondary school and still in touch with Ds's best friend's mother - not often at all and we did not see each other day to day ( in fact very very infrequent ) but our sons are friends so we very occasionally stay in touch normally email . Not sure that's so bad.

Comedycook · 30/07/2021 15:03

From my own experience with school mums, don't express any strong opinions on any subject

MagnoliaBeige · 30/07/2021 15:08

Reassure your daughter than you attending this evening will not dictate how successfully her friendships develop. I’ve never heard of this type of thing beyond primary school, year 7 kids make their own friends through who they click with at school.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/07/2021 15:11

Christ i didn’t think these went on at secondary schools!

Original poster
TheLasrStraw · 30/07/2021 15:23

Yes, I'm surprised it's happening at this age but I feel from primary school that kids saw each other socially if the mums were friends.

It's a state single sex school.

What makes you come away with a positive vibe about someone?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 30/07/2021 15:27

If it matters to your daughter it can’t do any harm to go for a couple of hours.
Go in with the mindset that you are as good and as interesting as any one there.
You’re not looking to make best mates so don’t take anything too seriously or personally.
I agree with being upfront about your hearing.
Also with having a few conversation ideas ready to go.
You can always leave if it’s rubbish. Have an excuse ready that sounds real!

MissyB1 · 30/07/2021 15:32

I’ve got to go to a similar thing at ds senior school, a “families morning”, for the kids and their families to meet each other. I do want to meet the other parents but I’m nervous at the same time. Dh will be there too but he’s useless at small talk.
Note to self, avoid politics Grin