To tell off someone else's child?

[Wingingit573]

There's a little boy at my daughter's playgroup who is 3 years old, My daughter is 17months.

He's obviously going through a phase of hitting, 3 weeks in a row he's hit my daughter and other children in the face with toys that are quite heavy.

His mum does absolutely nothing and just says oh dear in a sing song voice... while sitting on her phone Today I told him no, that wasn't kind and he can't be hitting other children after he hit my daughter around the head with a scuttlebug.

His mum picked up on the fact that I'd told him no and was absolutely livid.
I wouldn't like to overstep and I know that all kids and probably my own will go through this phase.

Was I wrong to tell him no? I can just see his behaviour becoming worse and him really hurting another child!

[GreenTortoise]

I cannot stand this. Happens all the time.

It's shit parenting and pathetic at that. Be firm and get a grip. He sounds like a little shit. Some people treat playgroups as if they're free childminders.

[ticktockriojaoclock]

It’s one thing to say “no” firmly and relive your child, but it’s quite another to tell him he can’t be around other children

Hilarious!!

OP you were not unreasonable in the slightest, well done for saying something.

[TalkingOutYerArse]

You were right.

[Wingingit573]

@twinmum86

I think that's fine and I'd expect the playgroup leader to back you up.

There was a child like this at a playgroup I went to and the mother was equally useless. I get that children do these things, but would expect a parent to tell the child no and pay a bit more attention from then on.

The leader pretty much just sits there and says it's fine it's fine it will be a phase.

Tbh I don't care if it's a phase or not, he needs to be made aware that it's not okay or he'll not learn.

[Notaroadrunner]

YANBU. In what way was the mother livid? Did she say something to you? If so I hope you pulled her up on the fact that she's a lazy bitch of a parent.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

Not only would I say "no", but I would do it especially loudly to make sure the parent nearby can hear!

No shame on being passive aggressive in this case.

[WheyHey]

Tough on her
I'd have gone mad at her just sitting there, lazy cow
Should be interesting next time you go

[Wingingit573]

@Notaroadrunner

YANBU. In what way was the mother livid? Did she say something to you? If so I hope you pulled her up on the fact that she's a lazy bitch of a parent.

I think her exact words were "Don't you dare speak to my son like that, he's a child" Then she followed it up by taking her child and leaving saying she couldn't believe someone had spoken to him like that and stormed out.

I thought we'd maybe not see her again but she has just put a post up in the group saying she'll help tidy up next week 🙄

[Wingingit573]

I feel like responding with can you also parent your child next week please?

But I shan't stir the pot

[ineedaholidayandwine]

YANBU, if he does it again tell him off again, he needs to learn and his mother clearly isn't doing her job and teaching him

[Ozanj]

I would have lodged a formal complaint if he’s hitting kids around the head with a scuttlebug. Can you go over the manager’s head to the venue?

[Birkie248]

I think what you said was fine... she probably doesn’t like the fact her inadequate parenting has been highlighted snd that’s why she got defensive.

[romdowa]

I give out to my neighbours kids all the time 🤣🤣 they are good kids but they get carried away shouting and roaring , so I've often gone out to ask them to calm themselves a bit and they say sorry . Other neighbours do the same If they see them acting up or doing something dangerous.

[Wingingit573]

@Ozanj

I would have lodged a formal complaint if he’s hitting kids around the head with a scuttlebug. Can you go over the manager’s head to the venue?

So I am on the committee, We just rent a hall and it's a community thing.

I think if his behaviour carries on next week I will speak to the other committee members and I think and it's a shame that if it carries on he needs removed, It's sad because his mother's poor parenting will affect his socialization etc.

[SGBK4862]

The point is that the mother should be aware and intervening. "Telling off" is a rather old fashioned term and not necessarily productive- "no" just becomes a word to ignore. She should be redirecting his behaviour and explaining why. The play group leader needs to point this out if it is ongoing- phase or not, other kids don't deserve to be hit.

One of mine would run off and randomly do mean things at that age, so I struggled to be social in a group while watching them at the same time - and was mortified when someone else picked up on their bad behaviour. I ended up choosing more structured toddler activities where parents had to be more involved with their child which worked better but was less of a break for me.

[Wingingit573]

@SGBK4862

The point is that the mother should be aware and intervening. "Telling off" is a rather old fashioned term and not necessarily productive- "no" just becomes a word to ignore. She should be redirecting his behaviour and explaining why. The play group leader needs to point this out if it is ongoing- phase or not, other kids don't deserve to be hit.

One of mine would run off and randomly do mean things at that age, so I struggled to be social in a group while watching them at the same time - and was mortified when someone else picked up on their bad behaviour. I ended up choosing more structured toddler activities where parents had to be more involved with their child which worked better but was less of a break for me.

The playgroup is supposed to be structured, We have different stations kind of thing and there's a parent at each bit, The other mums are fantastic and we're all around someone's child if not our own. But unfortunately this mum literally sits in the corner on her phone the entire 2 hours and doesn't interact at all.
Other mums have tried spending time with him to ensure it doesn't happen...but I don't think he wants to spend time with us. I think he wants his mum's attention. I do feel sorry for him tbh.

[notsogreenthumb]

Sorry OP but 3 years old is absolutely old enough to know right and wrong. Hitting at 3 is a normal phase?? Maybe I'm just around angelic kids but I've yet to meet a 3 year old who'd hit a 1 year old with a scuttlebug. The mother sounds useless and the playgroup leader sounds a pushover. Good on you for telling him off, does the mother really think you'd be ok with him hurting your daughter while she does nothing about it, and yet she's livid her son was given a few words ??

[Wingingit573]

@notsogreenthumb

Sorry OP but 3 years old is absolutely old enough to know right and wrong. Hitting at 3 is a normal phase?? Maybe I'm just around angelic kids but I've yet to meet a 3 year old who'd hit a 1 year old with a scuttlebug. The mother sounds useless and the playgroup leader sounds a pushover. Good on you for telling him off, does the mother really think you'd be ok with him hurting your daughter while she does nothing about it, and yet she's livid her son was given a few words ??

Tbh I wouldn't know, I've literally never been around children before having mine and she's yet to go through a phase like this.

I can't wait for it though 😬

[StarfishDish]

@Wingingit573 Hope you told the mother too!

I was at a playgroup with my daughter and a boy who was about 18 months threw a heavy, wooden toy and a 9 month old. His Mum laughed and said 'Bless him!'

[momofasweetboy2018]

Of course you were right! This kind of inadequate parenting makes me quite angry.

[notsogreenthumb]

@Wingingit573 he sounds a little menace and he knows he can get away with it.

[PrettyLittleFlies]

I think you need to tell off the mother

[StarfishDish]

@Wingingit573 At a*

At least I hope he doesn't go around, physically throwing 9 month old babies

[Metallicalover]

I would have done the same. If my daughter had done that to a child and another parent was in the immediate vicinity before I could get there I would have no problem with them telling my daughter No and don't hit!

[AryaStarkWolf]

Fuck her, I would do the exact same thing next time if he does it again, your job is to protect your child