AIBU to think if you see someone fall you should do something?

[SinkGirl]

I went to the local co-op this morning about 7am. It was a bit wet outside from rain overnight but not raining.

I literally walked in and went flying - my shoes were obviously a bit damp and their floor is ridiculously shiny. One of my feet just slipped out from under me and I went down on the other leg (have hurt my knee and skinned the front of my ankle).

I was sat on the floor for about 2 minutes trying to get up, because it was embarrassing but it really bloody hurt - no staff in sight, but there was a woman doing self checkout a few feet from me who saw me fall.

Just as I was struggling to get off the floor, she walked right past me and left. I understand not wanting to physically help someone up but wouldn’t you at least either ask if they’re okay or alert a member of staff if you saw someone slip and fall, especially if they didn’t immediately get up? I can’t imagine just walking past someone on the floor. I’ve always helped people who’ve fallen / hurt themselves any time I’ve been in that situation.

AIBU to think it’s weird to just ignore this, unless someone else is already helping?

@Sparklingbrook

Those that want to be ignored as they lie in a heap on the floor are going to need a badge or t shirt or something to protect them from the caring polite people.

There aren’t enough “caring and polite” people around to make that necessary. Thankfully.

That's odd, I fell down (forgot the kerb was there) outside the local co-op which is also a petrol station. Several people rushed over to see if I was ok, which I was. Had fallen on my knee which hurt a lot, but was able to get up and hobble to my car whilst feeling very silly.

Not only should she have checked you were ok, if you were in the store at the time they should have logged it in their accident book.

Wow!! I just can't imagine ignoring you! I am the first to rush over if someone falls, or needs help in and out of a shop with a pram or if they have a walking aid for example. I even saw the posty the other day take a big puff on his inhaler and I drove my car back to check he was okay as he looked a bit panicky. So weird to just ignore someone :(

There aren’t enough “caring and polite” people around to make that necessary. Thankfully.

That's not the case where I live. Thankfully. Local FB page full of thank yous about this type of thing from grateful relatives.

I always ask, I could never not say are you ok to someone who has just fallen down in front of me!

It's also not necessarily a covid thing either, about 5 years ago I had a fall, slipped on some leaves on the path, hit my head on the wall on the way down. At least five people saw me go down and physically stepped over me as I was laid there dazed on the floor.

A very kind young person eventually stopped and asked if I needed any help or anything.

I was walking Ds (about 3) to nursery once when an elderly woman took a tumble in front of me. She was putting cones out to secure a parking spot but we won't go into that here. I lifted her back to her feet but she had blood on her where she had hit her head so I was very worried about her despite her protestations. I took her back in her house but couldn't just leave her alone. Couldn't contact her son. So I knocked on her next door neighbour's to ask them to come be with her until her son got home. They said they couldn't come as they were about to have their lunch . Unbebloodylieveable!! I ended up ringing her an ambulance. Despite more protestations that she would be sitting in A&E for hours!! I couldn't just leave her!!!! She popped by (I'd told her my address) the next day with her son with a bunch of flowers to say thank you.

She should have helped - I hope you are ok now.

I once fell in the snow 7 months pregnant, my neighbour was walking behind me and didn’t help or ask if I was ok. Complete prick.

I've never been able to help anyone who has fallen because I've always been beaten by someone else rushing over.

What I did however find, having a broken leg and a broken arm (separately) is how on public transport, people don't offer seats to someone on crutches and will happily bang right into someone's slinged arm. The arm thing especially happened daily.

Hope you're ok OP, how horrible that no-one helped you.

I'm not surprised sadly. A few years ago, a young woman walking towards me collapsed and started having a seizure. As she fell she hit her head really hard on the stone windowsill of an old building. Obviously I went to help her. I asked a passing woman to stop and call the ambulance - she refused. Eventually others did stop to help.

As the woman fell, her wig had become dislodged. The owner of the kebab shop opposite came out and covered her bald head with his jumper. It was an act of such gentle humanity, it's still touching to think of now. So there are good people about

That said,I would have liked the opportunity to tell the person who refused to help that it turned out the woman who collapsed was terminally ill, and had just come from visiting the local hospice with her husband.

I would always ask if the person was ok, always!
But there are a lot of people who wouldn't, as shown by some responses on this thread, and by social experiments that have been done outside to see how many people would help.

I wouldn't touch anyone without asking though, just in case - people can be weird!

The last person I helped was an elderly man who had fallen into someone's garden - he wasn't drunk, he had a head injury and was very confused (had been let out of hospital but had managed to leave his residence - was only in pyjamas and with a duvet, poor bloke).
I heard something in the middle of the night, thought it was a radio, then realised it was from outside - tracked the noise down, found the old bloke and called an ambulance.

Found out a couple of days later that he'd been trying to knock on the door of the house whose garden I'd found him in, but had got dizzy and fallen. The young woman who lived in the house had refused to open the door or do anything, because she was on her own - fair enough, don't open the door, but she could have looked out of the window and seen what was happening and called either the police or the ambulance! He must have been there quite a while, he was so cold.

Credit to the ambulance - I know it was 3am but they came very quickly and sorted him out. I have no idea what happened to him though, whether he survived or not - but I couldn't have left him there!

She could be sitting somewhere right now kicking herself for not helping. Maybe? Hopefully?

I hope you're alright OP. Keep an eye on your knee.

I would always stop and ask to help.

I think it's human nature for most people to want to help, even in a pandemic.

I fell over earlier in the year - my knee gave way leaving a shop due on arthritis issues. Immediately a young man helped me up a decked I was okay. He ten suddenly stopped and apologised, hoped I was okay that he helped as he'd forgotten about social distancing etc and he was sorry if I was upset he'd touched me/got close to me. Obviously I was more grateful to be helped than worry about covid at that time and did thank him and tell him not to worry.

Then on holiday in May dh hit his head and ended up with a big gash and blood everywhere. On that occasion first adders did come but stood a distance apart and just talked me through what to do - luckily I already knew, I just needed supplies such as swabs etc to stem the flow. It did make me smile somewhat as they came in full masks, aprons and gloves but at no point did any of them come within 5 metres of dh, let alone physically help.

So I do wonder if some people are really reluctant at the moment due to covid.

@Papoy

I once seen a child who fall down in between supermarket aisles .. no parents was there ... so i picked him up and asked him if he is ok....

His mother appeared and given me a dirty look and left me there while i was trying to explain "he fall down and I was helping him".... She made me feel like I was trying to kidnap him... So next time I would be carefully about helping kids ...

But for adults ... I would always help.... it is rude to walk away even if physical contact might be tricky for some people.... she can at least say "are you ok, do you want me to get help"...

Same, Papoy.

I actually caught an older baby as he fell forward, head first towards the concrete floor, out of a supermarket trolley in a big superstore; his mother had been having a conversation with a friend with their back to him. I remember lunging in terror as for him as I saw him go. You would have thought I was an interfering psycho rather than just trying to prevent his head splattering on the cement floor based on the appalled looks I got when I handed him back to his completely oblivious mother.

Also same in a parking lot many years ago when I found a sobbing toddler wandering down the middle of the parking lot of a grocery store with cars driving around him! No grown up in sight. I scooped him up and brought him into the store where they paged for parents ... they'd left him sleeping in the car in the parking lot alone. They were outraged that I was outraged! Idiots.

Poor you. You get unlucky sometimes and I have no idea why someone wouldn’t just pop over and ask if you were ok or ask the staff to keep an eye on you. My very elderly mother fell and a couple heading off to their parked car literally stepped over her before getting in their car right next to her and driving off. It whisk have looked very obvious that she was a nice middle class old lady and had no chance of getting up on her own. Some people are horrid.

@Cuddlyrottweiler

I'm sure this is from my own social issues but I'd have found it really strange that you sat on the floor, nothing short of being knocked unconscious would stop me bouncing back up again. If it looked bad or you were old or disabled then I'd rush over, but if you were a healthy looking person who grazed their knee and stayed sat down, I'd think you were either a bit strange or having a bad day and needed a minute alone with your thoughts and wouldn't get involved.

I have arthritis and was diagnosed in my mid 30s. I looked even younger though.

If it's my knee that goes I literally can't 'bounce back up' as if nothing's happened. I might have looked young enough for it not to matter but I still need support to get up and going again.

Asking if someone is okay costs people nothing. It's basic courtesy surely?

I would ask anyone if they were okay and offer to help, regardless of their age.

DD's friend is 19y and has seizures often. She doesn't always lose consciousness but can fall and then be too dazed to right herself straight away. I hate the thought of people just walking by ignoring her just because she's young.

Always good to ask if someone would like some help. They can always decline, but to ignore it is poor behaviour.

She may have had her reasons for not helping, but my immediate instinct would be to help.

I agree about not physically helping someone unless you've checked they'd like help first.....this is unless it's a small child going into imminent danger.

People lack confidence to offer help....which is a terrible state of affairs really. I am working on helping my children to look out for things like this and be more aware of people around them and appropriate interactions.....so stepping aside in pavements for the elderly or those with buggies, holding doors rather than barging through, waving thanks at cars that stop at zebra crossings, thanking shop assistants, asking if they can help if someone has fallen over or is struggling to carry something and about to drop it etc etc. I'm always surprised by how many teens and adults don't routinely do these things which seem basic manners.....but I think peopl,e are just clueless. I can't do much about all those people but I can make sure my own kids are more aware of this stuff.

@Papoy

I once seen a child who fall down in between supermarket aisles .. no parents was there ... so i picked him up and asked him if he is ok....

His mother appeared and given me a dirty look and left me there while i was trying to explain "he fall down and I was helping him".... She made me feel like I was trying to kidnap him... So next time I would be carefully about helping kids ...

But for adults ... I would always help.... it is rude to walk away even if physical contact might be tricky for some people.... she can at least say "are you ok, do you want me to get help"...

A similar thing happened to me, I was walking on a wide pavement, it was very windy and a small child, about 3, was pushing a toy buggy in front of me, no sign of a parent. A gust blew the light buggy into the road and the child ran after it, I managed to reach her and grab her arm just before she ran into the road. The 'mother' came from behind us and gave me a mouthful of abuse for saving her child's life.

I'd at least come and ask if you were ok if I were the nearest person.

I would always respond if someone fell over, but I would definitely ask before I put hands on anyone.
I fell over on a night out once, in the middle of a busy city centre area on a traffic island. I slipped and hit my head, and the number of people who came over to help was heartening but because I had hit my head hard I was quite disoriented and people trying to help me up without first saying to me “are you alright/can I help?” Was further adding to my distress!

I remember taking DD to get her ears pierced when she was about 12. All went well but, with hindsight (and knowing my DD) she should have sat for a few minutes. We were walking down the street on a hot day, when without warning she suddenly keeled over in the middle of a busy shopping street. People were stepping over her legs to get passed, it was awful. Fortunately, she came round really quickly and I was able to get her to a nearby bench to recover but I've never forgotten it - and she's now nearly 30.

Some people are just arseholes. Nothing else to it.

So next time I would be carefully about helping kids

I wouldn't - angry parental reaction wouldn't deter me. Some people get angry because they are actually anxious, upset and embarrassed.