AIBU to think if you see someone fall you should do something?

[SinkGirl]

I went to the local co-op this morning about 7am. It was a bit wet outside from rain overnight but not raining.

I literally walked in and went flying - my shoes were obviously a bit damp and their floor is ridiculously shiny. One of my feet just slipped out from under me and I went down on the other leg (have hurt my knee and skinned the front of my ankle).

I was sat on the floor for about 2 minutes trying to get up, because it was embarrassing but it really bloody hurt - no staff in sight, but there was a woman doing self checkout a few feet from me who saw me fall.

Just as I was struggling to get off the floor, she walked right past me and left. I understand not wanting to physically help someone up but wouldn’t you at least either ask if they’re okay or alert a member of staff if you saw someone slip and fall, especially if they didn’t immediately get up? I can’t imagine just walking past someone on the floor. I’ve always helped people who’ve fallen / hurt themselves any time I’ve been in that situation.

AIBU to think it’s weird to just ignore this, unless someone else is already helping?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

It's so awful when people ignore you, when you're hurt.

This video is a good explanation of the bystander effect

[toomanyplants]

Couple of years ago, London Euston, everyone rushing down platform ramp to board train a man bumped into me and sent me flying, flat out on the floor, not one person stopped to help me, just all stepped over or strode around me.
As the crowd dispersed a guard helped me up, I had bloody knees, ripped my pants and grazed my elbow. He saw me to my seat, I cried the entire 3 hour journey home, from my sore knees and elbow, shame of falling over like that in my 40's and general shitness that no one helped me

[Speakuptomakeyourselfheard]

I went through a virtually identical situation OP, at the time I slipped over there was someone walking straight toward me, they saw me fall, and deliberately zipped down the next aisle in order to avoid offering me help. This was long before Covid, so no excuse there. I have a severe back condition anyway, and the fall ended with me having to go to hospital. I just couldn't believe that someone could be so heartless, as to deliberately walk away, but obviously it's not so unusual. I hope your knee feels better soon.

[WorraLiberty]

@Sparklingbrook

I would always ask if they wanted a hand up before touching them. Especially these days.

"No love, just a couple of fingers will be fine" 🤣🤣

Sorry, filthy mind

[DeflatedGinDrinker]

My child was sat on the path bleeding with a broken arm after coming off his bike and got told to move out the way by a woman with a buggy. So not surprised by this.

[BelleClapper]

@NotSonicTheHedgehog

Bystander effect and diffusion of responsibility

I’ve literally scrolled through this thread waiting for someone to point this out.

It’s really important to know about, once you do know it makes you more likely to step in in situations. Everybody always thinks someone else will deal with it and they would be pushing in/nosy to deal with it themselves.

[PatriciaBateman]

I'm sorry this happened to you and it must have felt really horrible to not even have been offered help when that's what you would have done for another.

I can only say that human beings are very complex, and while rudeness seems like the most straight forward explanation, it truly isn't the only one.

If I had been there that day, witnessing you fall and get hurt would have triggered a flashback (siblings being knocked down and told to "stay down!"). I would have frozen in place staring at you.

If I managed to break myself out of that, I would have scuttled away as quickly as I could to prevent worse reaction, but I would have told someone else "I think a lady back there needs help."

Abuse and trauma are unfortunately not rare. There will be lots of people out there reacting in "odd" ways. And lots of other reasons I'm not familiar with myself, I'm just giving one example as I see it.

I just hope it maybe helps you not take it too personally. It will have been more to do with her than any reflection on you. Even if it was rudeness that still stands. I hope you are ok now.

[icklepiglet]

I once fell flat on my face on a busy station platform, literally sprawled on the floor with blood coming out of my chin, and nobody stopped to help. One man passed so close he had to practically step over me but still no help. Ever since then I've had to revise my opinion that people are basically good.

[moita]

@theleafandnotthetree to be fair I was living in London when my DS hit his head in a playground (blood everywhere) so many people ran over to offer help (DS was fine: trip to A&E and some glue but he's forgotten all about it mostly!)
So I hopefully there are nice people out there...

[Dogslog]

Hmm Bagpuss90 that’s disheartening. Astonishing that they would share that aloud. I imagine they would still want your assistance were they to suffer a sudden cardiac event?

[bagpuss90]

I teach first aid on a part time basis. A minority of people have appalled me since covid started. I’ve had delegates on my courses say they wouldn’t even stop to help a child or a baby - they wouldn’t put theirselves at risk no matter what . I’m talking cpr here. So life or death stuff .

[theleafandnotthetree]

I am incredulous at this stories. Maybe it's living in a country with a much smaller population (Ireland) where lots of people know each other and you'd be mortified to be caught being an asshole but I would like to think that in most parts of the country, this would be very unlikely to happen....or maybe I'm naive. I saw an elderly woman fall on the street in Cork once and I was one of two or three people who immediately went over, helped her up etc. She was thankfully uninjured and I brought her into the cafe near by for some strong sweet tea to steady her. Both she, I and everyone else put this very much in the category of what anyone would do and I in turn have had so many people look out for me in different scenarios.

[SinkGirl]

@Cuddlyrottweiler

I'm sure this is from my own social issues but I'd have found it really strange that you sat on the floor, nothing short of being knocked unconscious would stop me bouncing back up again. If it looked bad or you were old or disabled then I'd rush over, but if you were a healthy looking person who grazed their knee and stayed sat down, I'd think you were either a bit strange or having a bad day and needed a minute alone with your thoughts and wouldn't get involved.

Excuse me?

For the record, I am disabled, but you wouldn’t know from looking at me. And the reason I didn’t get up was because it really bloody hurt and I wasn’t sure whether I’d be able to put weight on it - I have a sensitised pain system, so pain feels more severe to me than it would to you (assuming you don’t have similar conditions).

I find it bizarre you’d make any assumptions about why someone would sit on the floor after falling down - because if I saw someone who slipped and fell and didn’t immediately get up, it would be a fair guess that they’re in pain, wouldn’t it?

For other posters, I’m not sure how old the woman was as I didn’t look up at her face - she was in gym gear and seemed from what I saw to be fairly young, certainly not an elderly lady.

[theleafandnotthetree]

@Raffles1981

Personally, I would have stopped what I was doing and come over to help. But that's me. She may have her reasons for not attending to you. Anxiety, shyness, just plain rude. I hope you are OK OP and I'm sorry you were left to it.

Gosh it didn't take long for the 'you don't know what's going on in her life' excuses to start. Anxiety, shyness....none of those preclude you from being a decent human being.

[Gilmorehill]

I fell really badly at my dd’s school. Eventually a couple of women came to help me but for a couple of minutes people just stared. What made me angry was two teachers and a couple of TAs stood at their classroom doors and watched.

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

if I saw someone fall I wouldn't want to draw attention to the matter, if they seemed okay and got up by themself already I'd walk on and pretend it didn't happen (for their sake, in my mind). The OP didn't get up straight away. They were trying to get up for two minutes which OP would have felt every second of. And if it's the embarrassment that's worrying you, I think it's much more embarrassing to not offer help or do the bare minimum (asking if they need help/alerting a member of staff)
It would be different if it was an elderly or disabled person because id be worried they did actually need help so I would go straight over to check on them many many disabilities are hidden meaning you wouldn't be able to tell the person had a disability just by looking at them. One of my friends has a disability and you wouldn't know it, she has a lot of trouble with her coordination and due to this falls frequently.

[SinkGirl]

@Ohpulltheotherone

I can’t imagine not at least attempting to help someone who fell over right in front of me, especially if they appeared to be struggling to get up.

And if they told me to fuck off or refused help then fine, I wouldn’t take it personally and it wouldn’t stop me from doing it again.

I don’t think there’s a legitimate reason to completely ignore and walk past someone who is laid on the floor or struggling to get up. Covid or no covid. Social anxiety? Scared drawing attention to the person? Bizarre.
Rather leave someone in pain alone and struggling than create a little bit of a fuss / scene.

That’s it exactly - I would at least ask if someone was okay if they didn’t immediately get up (two minutes feels quite a long time when you’re sat on the floor of a shop as it turns out!).

For those who asked, I am a woman, almost 40, I am disabled but you wouldn’t know it to look at me so that’s not a factor.

I definitely understand not wanting to touch someone without their permission, but I would at least say “are you okay?” to someone who’s fallen and is on the floor! It just struck me as really weird. The staff obviously didn’t see and I’m sure they would have come over if they had. Was just really strange!

[SinkGirl]

@ChainJane

I'd have said "are you OK" at least, assuming the person who's fallen doesn't look like they're drugged up or drunk or unhinged.

Years ago I fell over in the street in broad daylight, the couple walking behind me literally stepped over me as I lay on the ground. Genuinely, I think they didn't even notice me.

Hopefully I didn’t look drunk or unhinged 😬

For those who asked, I’m okay thanks - just some bruising and a skinned patch luckily, I have really crap ankles so very relieved I didn’t break something!

It’s just a bit alien to me, the idea of leaving someone like that, and made me feel like a bit of a dick. Even if she’d just said “are you okay?”, I would have felt less stupid. I realise it’s not anyone else’s responsibility, it just would have been nice I guess!

[ViewFromHalfway]

I'm sorry that happened to you, OP.

It's true there might have been a reason the woman didn't ask if you were okay. She might have thought she'd cause you more embarrassment, might have had awful anxiety that meant she can't speak to strangers, might have had situational mutism (though, friends I know with this would still have communicated via their phone etc.).

But it's probably more likely she just couldn't be bothered/didn't care.

I remember walking to the station after finishing work at 10pm once in my early 20's. I used to cut up a street that it turned out was where a lot of sex workers picked up disgusting misogynistic cunts 'clients' (I was pretty naive/oblivious and didn't realise why these women used to hang around the street or why occasionally a man would approach me when I was walking down it asking strange questions about whether I was working etc. ).

Really near the entrance to that street there was a woman collapsed/unconscious at the side of the pavement. The man walking along in front of me glanced at her and kept on walking. I stopped, he looked back and caught my disgusted glare directed at him and it must have embarrassed him because he stuttered, 'Oh...umm...is she okay?'

She VERY CLEARLY wasn't okay (and I think I said as much) so he called an ambulance while I tried talking to her etc.

She did start to come round at one point and was clearly drugged/drunk/concussed/something. I waited until the ambulance arrived along with a male colleague who had passed by not long after me.

I'm assuming the man who initially walked past decided she was 'just drunk' or 'just a druggie' or even 'just a prostitute' or some such, which is repugnant. She was a human being clearly in need of help.

DH has a friend who had a fit in the street on his way to the pharmacy when really ill once and woke to find everyone had just walked past him. The reason he had fits? Because he'd stepped in once to stop someone else being beaten up and had taken a blow to the head. I guess the people who walked past him thought he was 'just a teenager' or drunk or something...

[MrsClatterbuck]

I fell one time in a shopping centre and the staff in the nearby boots were great. Took me into a room and cleaned my knee and put a plaster on it. But another time I fell on the way to work as able to walk there and I fell on the footpath. The number of people who drove ( a very small community where everyone knows who you are) by was shocking. I had twisted my ankle. Can't remember if I went back home or on to work. I have fell a few times and also broken a few bones. Just remembered the last time I fell a very kind person drove me home. It was only about a quarter of a mile. So grateful as when I went to A&E I had a broken elbow.

[ChunkySloth]

@Beetlebrooker

Jeez, what have we become if we can't even go to the aid of someone who has fallen.

I hope you're alright OP, I imagine the person who breezed past you thought you might be embarrassed and didn't want to draw attention to either you or herself. That or she was ignorant and lacking in any compassion whatsoever, but let's go with the former...!

I was once racing down the 17 flights of stairs at Bank tube station at rush hour, and a woman slipped on the wet floor and fell. So many people silently and immediately rushed to her assistance that she was virtually lifted back on to her feet before she even hit the floor, it was quite something to witness.

I once saw a man fall down the gap between a train and the platform, at the doors.

It was ridiculously busy because we'd all got off the previous train, gone down to the tube to find it shut and come back up to the platform, so there was a whole train full of people trying to get on another full train.

He had the quick thinking to stick his elbows out so he didn't go right under.

Everyone pulled him out but no one offered him a seat!

[AssassinatedBeauty]

@WeAreTheHeroes you're totally correct, I misread and clearly thought that the woman at the self checkout had been described in more detail than she had been. Obviously could have been a woman from 16 to 99, thanks for picking that one up. On reflection, I don't think my error makes a substantial difference to the point that there could be a myriad of reasons why she wasn't able to respond.

[bpirockin]

I have an extreme shock response, which causes me to black out, and passed out in Covent Garden and had many people pass me by as I slumped on the cobbles. Likewise in station waiting rooms etc. many times. Someone did eventually come to my aid in CG, and his reasoning was that he thought I was too smartly dressed to be drunk. I've offered help to people who looked unsteady and turned out to be drunk, but I'd much rather do that than read about someone getting badly hurt or worse, when I could have helped.

These days, and somewhat disabled myself, it would be pretty rare for me to be able to offer physical assistance, but I'd certainly want to make sure that the person was okay and someone else was assisting if necessary.

Hope you're ok OP

[couchparsnip]

I fell and sprained my ankle a few months ago just by walking on grass. (No idea what happened). It was infront of a busy supermarket at the entrance to the car park. I was on the floor for a good couple of minutes before I managed to get up. Plenty of people about and not one stopped to even enquire if I was OK let alone help. I limped off to find a seat and ring DH on my own. Horrible experience.

[randomwomen]

I fell over in the street, went flying and fell face forward and was lying face down, prostrate on the ground and momentarily lay there, a bit stunned. It was a busy street and not only did no-one ask if I was ok or come to help me but a man actually stepped OVER my body, like I was a black bin bag of rubbish in his way.