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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think if you see someone fall you should do something?

131 replies

SinkGirl · 30/07/2021 08:58

I went to the local co-op this morning about 7am. It was a bit wet outside from rain overnight but not raining.

I literally walked in and went flying - my shoes were obviously a bit damp and their floor is ridiculously shiny. One of my feet just slipped out from under me and I went down on the other leg (have hurt my knee and skinned the front of my ankle).

I was sat on the floor for about 2 minutes trying to get up, because it was embarrassing but it really bloody hurt - no staff in sight, but there was a woman doing self checkout a few feet from me who saw me fall.

Just as I was struggling to get off the floor, she walked right past me and left. I understand not wanting to physically help someone up but wouldn’t you at least either ask if they’re okay or alert a member of staff if you saw someone slip and fall, especially if they didn’t immediately get up? I can’t imagine just walking past someone on the floor. I’ve always helped people who’ve fallen / hurt themselves any time I’ve been in that situation.

AIBU to think it’s weird to just ignore this, unless someone else is already helping?

OP posts:
Volhhg · 30/07/2021 09:47

Its weird that the woman didn't stop, I've never seen this. Its usually the case that everybody wants to help and too many people get involved and crowd round

Ozanj · 30/07/2021 09:47

I think it kind of depends a bit on who falls over. I think we all have our preconceived notions of who might be more deserving - if I see a small woman falling over I immediately rush over regardless of their age. If an elderly person falls, again I will offer help. If a young looking person falls I just assume they’ll be okay unless it’s a bad fall.

Ohpulltheotherone · 30/07/2021 09:51

I can’t imagine not at least attempting to help someone who fell over right in front of me, especially if they appeared to be struggling to get up.

And if they told me to fuck off or refused help then fine, I wouldn’t take it personally and it wouldn’t stop me from doing it again.

I don’t think there’s a legitimate reason to completely ignore and walk past someone who is laid on the floor or struggling to get up. Covid or no covid. Social anxiety? Scared drawing attention to the person? Bizarre.
Rather leave someone in pain alone and struggling than create a little bit of a fuss / scene. Confused

Ohpulltheotherone · 30/07/2021 09:52

@Ozanj

I think it kind of depends a bit on who falls over. I think we all have our preconceived notions of who might be more deserving - if I see a small woman falling over I immediately rush over regardless of their age. If an elderly person falls, again I will offer help. If a young looking person falls I just assume they’ll be okay unless it’s a bad fall.
So you’d just walk past a teenager or a healthy looking young person just laid on the floor or struggling to get up when they’ve clearly bashed their knees on a hard floor???? Hmm
Whirlywooo · 30/07/2021 09:53

@Rubyupbeat I just can't fathom how a person's reaction to seeing someone have an epileptic fit is to laugh. That's shocking - good on you for reporting them. I saw my brother have an epileptic fit once, it's bloody frightening.

sailmeaway · 30/07/2021 09:56

I would have come over and offered to help. I guess you don't know what was going through her mind but I don't think a year and a half of 'social distancing' has helped.
I saw someone fall in the surf and really struggle, a big man. I was the only one who helped pull him out on a crowded beach which I thought was weird. I struggled to get him to his feet as he was much bigger than me.
When I told a friend what had happened she pointed out that because SD was still strict at the time everyone would have hesitated and in fact I probably shouldn't have touched a man's bare skin under the circs.

Laiste · 30/07/2021 09:58

I would help. YANBU.
A quick ''are you ok?'' and call for extra help if necessary hurts no one. No one is expecting anyone to single handedly heave folk off the floor.

I have helped lots of times when people have gone over. I've also been the first to pull over after a car accident as well (country lane), even though my friend was saying to drive past HmmShock I was quite disgusted with her actually and changed the way i thought about her.

Sunshineaftermorningrain · 30/07/2021 09:59

I can’t understand why she didn’t ask if you were okay, although I have to admit my pet hate is people crowding and fussing. I fainted once and people were really crowding me and I felt pressured to get up when actually I really did just want a few minutes!

purplesequins · 30/07/2021 09:59

yanbu
the very least I would do is ask if you are ok.

tbh, take it up with the store manager. they need to put mats or someting in the entrance to make it less slippery.

moita · 30/07/2021 10:04

YANBU

I'm shy and I have social anxiety: I would still ask if you were ok!! Shyness and social anxiety doesn't make me an asshole

LookABabyShark · 30/07/2021 10:05

Sadly OP, the world has become a very bizarre, selfish place, especially in the last couple of years. For a lot of people, basic decency has gone out of the window because of “the roooollllz” - look at the poster above who was chastised by her friend for daring to touch a man she was helping because “OMG Covid! Social distancing!” Sadly, these days many people are more frightened of a virus which realistically has an extremely low mortality rate than they are keen to help another human being. Fortunately there are always exceptions, but as a whole society has become a much worse place lately, and it doesn’t seem like things will get any better 🤷🏻‍♀️

candycane222 · 30/07/2021 10:09

I think you were unlucky OP. I haven't witnessed people falling very often, but when I have, others (including me) have always come to see if they need help.

Beeinalily · 30/07/2021 10:10

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP, hope you're ok now 💐 I once fainted in Boots the chemists in full view of the staff including the pharmacist - nobody took a blind but of notice! Weird!

Laiste · 30/07/2021 10:10

Re: the covid thing; right in the middle of the pandemic a little boy went flying right next to me at the school gate as i was waving DD off. Skidded along, bag and water bottle going left and right.

Normally i would have gathered his bag and things up for him and fussed over him, seen he was ok. This time, however felt i could only step a few steps nearer and wave my arms about saying ''ooooooooh'' Hmm :(

(he was fine. he got back up like a whippet and carried on running, but still ... it felt all wrong)

Needaholiday101 · 30/07/2021 10:12

@Rubyupbeat

I remember seeing something worse than this, a man fell, having an epileptic fit, in a large Tesco, he had a child with him, around 12 years old, I went over to see if I could do anything, as did a couple of other customers, the boy seemed very efficient in seeing to his Dad, when I took a look around , there were 4 staff huddled together laughing at him. I did confront them, they denied doing it, so I went to customer services and complained. That poor boy must see this a lot, these were women in their 40s and 50s, terrible.
Good on you for going to customer services, that's awful behaviour from the staff.
tanstaafl · 30/07/2021 10:17

The advice is to not physically help some one up unless they confirm they are unable to get themselves up.
But we should go over and verbally help, comfort, prevent anyone else slipping or tripping

Kanaloa · 30/07/2021 10:19

Definitely you should ask are you okay/do you need a hand up - unless it’s me who fell over, in which case please totally ignore me as I will be mortified and want everyone to pretend they didn’t see.

Supertree · 30/07/2021 10:20

Maybe because she's very anxious? Or thinks that she would be so embarrassed if it happened to her that she would rather people didn't draw attention to it? I remember an elderly man falling over at a bus stop when I was a teenager and the people around went to help him and I didn't know what to do. One of the men turned to me and said "go and get a stool from that pub so we can sit him down". I just froze and started to panic! Had pretty severe social anxiety at the time, I'd never been in a pub, didn't know how to even go about doing that or what I should say to the person inside the pub and I didn't know how to deal with this situation. I just stood there staring at him with tears in my eyes so he angrily said it to me again and, again, I just stood rooted to the spot staring at him! He went and did it himself in the end and I was so ashamed of my reaction for ages afterwards. The man had plenty of other people helping him so I know he wasn't actually harmed by my weird reaction.

It's always a bit of a weird one. I've had my head bitten off when checking when people are ok in the past, but I think I'd still do it anyway. I saw a lady struggling to push herself in her wheelchair a few weeks back and she ended up phoning somebody and telling them that she just didn't have the strength to do it anymore so they'd have to come and get her. I did ask whether she needed a hand and that I hoped it wasn't too intrusive but I'd heard her saying that she was struggling. Thankfully she wasn't offended, but I think she easily could have been. It felt wrong to just walk past and leave her unable to move but I didn't know whether offering to help was patronising.

FortunesFave · 30/07/2021 10:21

Sometimes, past trauma can make people behave oddly in some situations.

My friend suffered a lot during her childhood...violence, drugs...the lot. When she grew up, she could never go near anyone who was hurt.

Not look at them not help...nothing. It wasn't something she even had the ability to think about, she'd just go into blind panic.

CaptainCallisto · 30/07/2021 10:21

I fell once whilst heavily pregnant and on crutches (SPD). While I was sitting there struggling to get back up, at least five adults walked past; one bloke actually stepped over my legs. Three teenage lads (14/15) on their way to school crossed over the road, helped me up, offered me their water bottle, and insisted on walking me the rest of the way to work (about five minutes) even though it would make them late for school. I called the school as soon as I got to work to explain and make sure they weren't punished for the lateness. It made me so sad that it was only kids who bothered, though it did give me hope for the future.

FortunesFave · 30/07/2021 10:21

I meant to add, hope you're ok now. Falling like that is upsetting. I think you should write to their head office and say they need to be very careful of their entrance...broken hips and elderly people...not good. They need a mat or something.

fuckoffImcounting · 30/07/2021 10:23

Pre-pandemic I tripped over a kerb and went flying. I knew I had hurt myself and lay still a long time recovering from the shock - no one came to see if I was OK - I had broken my thumb - so not major - but I am 68 - who leaves an old woman lying on the pavement?

dancinfeet · 30/07/2021 10:27

She was really rude, no bloody excuses for not helping, asking if you needed help or alerting a staff member. If she is capable of shopping alone she is capable of doing any or all of those things. What on earth is going on with some people these days?

Havanananana · 30/07/2021 10:28

If a young looking person falls I just assume they’ll be okay unless it’s a bad fall.

Christian Eriksen was an extremely fit young person - yet he "fell over" during the football Euros and needed life-saving intervention. Even if you witnessed the fall, taking 10 seconds out of your day to ask if the person is OK (and shouting loudly for assistance if they are not responsive) is surely not too much to ask.

Ughmaybenot · 30/07/2021 10:31

That’s a bit sad, I’m surprised there was absolutely no reaction at all. That being said, there could’ve been social anxiety issues at play with the other lady, or something like that.
I’ve fallen quite a few times in public, due to various health issues (which is never any less embarrassing, no matter how many times it happens) but someone has always either helped or offered to.
The absolute sweetest was when it was just me and an elderly lady around, she must have been mid eighties at least, with a stick, and she still offered her hand to help me up 😭 I’d have dragged her down with me but it was so kind of her and she was so worried.