To change my mind about a car journey in the last minute

[Selok]

So, my friend invited me at the last minute to her hen do in Brighton this weekend- they arranged a small group of friends one of them pulled out at the last minute and she asked me if I was free this weekend and I am and I have never been away for a hen do so I said yes! I will be sharing a room with one if her friends that I never met before and my friend also said she could give me a lift to Brighton as she is driving - I thought great as the train would cost me about £60 alone apart from all other expenses that came unexpectedly anyways- I texted the lady introduced myself and asked how she was getting there she said I am welcome to join her all fine until here and she added that she has a mini roadster that I'd pack light - not good with cars so I googled and saw that it is a soft top car and very small- my problem is I am extremely nervous passenger- my husband puts me at the back when we drive long distance - I thought about this might be a bad idea to join a car journey but then I thought what the heck I will share the room with the lady and I thought to suck it up and do it but when I saw the car picture it really scares me the fa t that we will be in a small car with lots if lorries on the road, and if she likes fast driving I am buggered! Shall I just say I decided to take train or text her to say about my anxiety- she will think I am a weirdo
Or just take the journey and maybe it would help my anxiety about the roads and speed etc
Sorry about the long post

I totally understand anxiety, I have dealt with it, hugely, but what it comes down to is are you going to let your anxiety control you, or are you going to take control of your anxiety?

I know it's hard, and the choice is yours.

I don't think she will think you're weird at all. Do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. If you would rather take the train them just explain that you don't travel that well by car. Hope you have a lovely weekend.

I'm assuming she's just warning you because she has limited boot space? Having a soft top car doesn't equate to driving like a maniac - I have an MX-5 and drive like the mid-30s mum that I am!

You can ask to have the top up - driving on motorways with the top down is fairly unpleasant anyway IMO - too noisy and battered by winds. I think you're overthinking this.

Have you received any help for your anxiety?

What 'help' do you suppose is available for anxiety @crystalmaisie?

Look on the plus side, your contribution to the petrol will be a lot cheaper than if she drove an armoured tank.

@BitterTits CBT, therapy, medication… there’s lots of help available.

@BitterTits

What 'help' do you suppose is available for anxiety *@crystalmaisie*?

There is loads of help for anxiety. What an odd question.

Do you want to sit in the back when in the car with your husband? Strange phrasing “my husband puts me in the back”

Does it help being in the back seat?

Just go ! Sounds like a brilliant weekend. Have a lovely time x

The car’s perfectly safe. As safe as any other

Minis are pretty substantial and safe, even in the back of a convertible. It will be fine.

@Nicknacky I know it sounded horrible noticed after I read it now! Of course he doesn't put me in the back he wants to 😂😂 he says why don't you just take the back seat and leave me with my driving? To say that he is a very good driver jt is me! My feet has gas and brake pedals too I feel like I am driving it

@Aquamarine1029 I tried CBT before not worked for me- I used to be driver in another country in my past life then moving back to England 10 years ago, I didn't need to drive so gave a long break from driving when I thought I was ready to drive again I got some refresher lessons so I thought I would be on the roads again - that's when my anxiety started I guess shouting and impatient instructors didn't help made it worse- now I can't drive and I am a terrible side passenger 🙈

@Aquamarine1029

I totally understand anxiety, I have dealt with it, hugely, but what it comes down to is are you going to let your anxiety control you, or are you going to take control of your anxiety?

I know it's hard, and the choice is yours.

Exactly that! Isn't it time that I take control of this now?

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and lovely wishes I am sure it will be great x

I'm wondering if your anxiety is related to peri-menopause. It is very, very common, and very, very treatable with HRT.

@Aquamarine1029 I am 47 it is possible I suppose!

[quote Selok]@Aquamarine1029 I am 47 it is possible I suppose![/quote]
I'm really thinking it is, op. My peri started when I was 40, and one of my first symptoms was absolutely crippling anxiety. I couldn't even get in a car, and I had been a very happy driver for years and years and years. It was like a lightning bolt from the sky of pure, illogical dread. HRT completely took it away. I highly suggest you go to your doctor.

I am a terribly anxious passenger. If I HAVE to go in the car with others I will just mention when I am getting in. Something along the lines of ‘Thankyou so much for the lift, I am bloody terrified of being a passenger though, so please don’t kill me (hahaha)’ I find people tend to drive a bit more cautiously after that and it excuses me pretending to break and gasping in advance.

Don't start the weekend with something that causes stress and anxiety!

If you can afford the train then do that.

Yes I am considering the train option, I know I mentioned in my first post about the fare but I really thought it would be a good idea to be friendly with someone that I will share a room and that we have never even met before so a road journey would be nice- would of course offer to pay for the petrol- so all nice then the nasty anxiety comes in as soon as i saw how the car is so low, have soft top etc and hoping she would keep the roof on, she doesn't like speeding etc and if I close my eyes when we are next to a lorry and scared that I might make her nervous too- so many thoughts I am overthinking it is only a road journey or two hours journey from hell for me!

@Aquamarine1029 I know exactly! My mum thinks I am going mad and friends can't believe I can't drive anymore it is so strange for them as we used to live almost in a top of a hill when in Cyprus and I was whizzing around with my car everywhere, taking my daughter to school everyday she was only little then so how come I wasn't scared to drive with her and now she is 16 I can't even think of driving at all! I will check out HRT makes sense

Realistically if she has a sporty soft top she's going to be putting her foot down.

Those sorts of cars are £££ and generally bought by those who drive a lot and like to zoom along.

Very few people would splash that kind of money otherwise. And tbh if they bought it for the looks and don't drive much enjoy nipping around etc then they're even more dangerous in a powerful car.

Just don't do it.

Get in touch and say thank you so much but I'm meeting a friend in (near the station) and I'm just gonna jump on the train. I'm not sure how long I will spend with her so I need to be really flexible.

If it's a hen you're going to arrive and go straight out again and get at least a bit pissed so the getting to know her thing don't worry.

Do not get the lift as you will be worrying for the whole time before and then in a situation where realistically if she drives like a boy racer you can't really say anything and if you do it's unlikely to change much and is a bad start to you getting on with her when sharing.

Train train train.

Lie through you teeth if she starts being super nice and accomodating!

Ditto on way home. You're leaving your bag at the hotel and going to meet an old friend! Byeee!

To say that he is a very good driver jt is me! My feet has gas and brake pedals too I feel like I am driving it

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