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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being taken advantage of by friend

75 replies

Bordon42 · 29/07/2021 02:01

I do volunteer work and I have been paired up with someone I met a few years back at a previous volunteering job. Thing is this girl doesn't drive and I do so I gave her lifts home from our previous volunteering post for a few years and everything was fine. That was until we started together at another charity and she has changed her attitude, she asks me to pick her up from her doorstep and asks me to stop off at shops for milk etc, thing is she has tons of shops where she can get these things at bottom of her street but she will not walk there she expects to be driven everywhere. She gives me no diesel money either. I have had to beg her to give me some on one occasion as had no money to fill car up and why should she not contribute. She has asked me to take her to vet a few times also and refuses to get taxis because of covid even though she is double jabbed and has mask on. If I'm a bit late picking her up she will text HURRY UP but she lives in busy area and getting from my house to hers takes 20 minutes. My car can't fly and I can only get there as quick as traffic allows me too! A cat was 5 mins walk away from her and was near road and I asked her to walk round and see if she could see it and she refused she expected me to drive 20 minutes in rush hour traffic. Her reason for not doing it was because I have a car and she doesn't drive and she can't get it to vet and she would have to walk there and back! My reason was because she is lazy and couldn't be bothered... She has no idea where anything is in her home town because she doesn't drove she says but, I've not always had a car when I didn't drive I had to get buses trains etc to get places shopping etc. Another thing is is I like to keep my car clean and when I told her off for climbing in the back with her muddy shoes on she wasn't happy with me but she doesn't have to clean the car I do. It's just like she won't use her legs to walk and it's the god given right to be ferried around as a non car driver! I'm starting to feel resentful and used now to be honest.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2021 02:04

You do realise how absurd this all is, surely? At this point, your misery is all your own doing, op. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it, and you are allowing it. Cut her right off.

BoltonDoowar · 29/07/2021 02:09

FFS OP. You let it get this far.

Stop it, now.

avamiah · 29/07/2021 02:23

Is this for REAL or a joke post because your bored?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 29/07/2021 02:41

Are you serious? Just tell her to get fucked, she is taking the piss! And don't be such a doormat in future!

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken · 29/07/2021 02:42

As above. Put a stop to it. She's taking you for granted, and you don't owe her a thing. Stop being available to drive her around. Either say "no" or have some excuses ready for why you can't. If you ever feel a moment of weakness coming on, remind yourself of how she's used you.

DPotter · 29/07/2021 02:44

So, the solution is simple. Stop. When she asks / demands a lift - the answer is no. Not 'I'm sorry No.' Or 'you're lazy, walk.' A simple 'No.' If you're feeling expansive you could say 'no it doesn't work for me' and leave it at that.

You are the one with all of the power and control at your finger tips. A simple No is all you need to give you your life back. Next time the phone rings or you get a message - don't answer straight away. Leave it a minute or so, re-group your thoughts, take a deep breath and reply -'No, it doesn't work for me. See you around' . Don't listen to pleading, arguments or anything else. Just 'No doesn't work for me. Byyee'

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/07/2021 02:44

I can only imagine the YABUs are because you’re being such a doormat. I voted yanbu to think you’re being taken advantage of. But YABU not to stop right now.

Theworldspinsonmyhead · 29/07/2021 02:46

"No"? Just no. Tell her to get to

HollaHolla · 29/07/2021 02:46

She’s not your friend. She’s a rude, entitled witch. Stop giving her lifts. Tell her it doesn’t work for you any mire. Stay strong!

Eviethyme · 29/07/2021 02:57

Not sure why your allowing someone to treat you like this...

Surely your an adult? Why are you coming to mumsnet about some woman you don't like treating you like crap just get a backbone tell her to fuck off.

I don't like to victim blame buuuuuuut your going to find yourself in some difficult life situations if you allow people to use and abuse you.

Bordon42 · 29/07/2021 03:36

@avamiah

Is this for REAL or a joke post because your bored?
It's not a joke and I'm not bored, I'm just fed up of the whole situation and it stops now!!
OP posts:
Bordon42 · 29/07/2021 03:41

Yeh complethy agree with you and I've said no to her many times Believe me, but she does my frigging nut in!!!

OP posts:
avamiah · 29/07/2021 03:42

Bordon42,
I’m glad to hear this.

Just say NO
That’s all you have to say .

You can do it as you replied to my comment.
Just say No.

spongebath · 29/07/2021 03:50

@Bordon42

Yeh complethy agree with you and I've said no to her many times Believe me, but she does my frigging nut in!!!
So block her. She can't force you to drive. Just don't do it.
StealthRoast · 29/07/2021 03:52

Remember op- “NO” is a complete sentence.

She is one of life’s takers. Don’t enable her. Why does she have such a hold on you? You owe her absolutely nothing and she needs to realise that.

Stand up for yourself and don’t do her any more favours.

QueenBee52 · 29/07/2021 04:18

is this real ?

Standrewsschool · 29/07/2021 04:18

There’s only one person who can stop this situation and that’s you. Stop being passive and start refusing her requests. You don’t owe her anything and you don’t need to give her lifts. She may be taking advantage, but you have allowed her to do so.

HeartvsBrain · 29/07/2021 04:32

Surely this your late teen daughter, who has just left home for the first time? I just can't begin to understand how you could let yourself be treated like that, unless it was someone you had given birth to.

But of you were her mother you would be being told (and probly not in a nice tone by most of us), that you stopped trying to be your daughter's friend, and to be her mother instead, which means either letting her learn for herself the hard way, that being totally self absorbed, entitled and rude, will get her exactly no-where in life. Or you could be kind to her, and tell her that she will very quickly run out of friends, and friendly colleagues, and explaining to her exactly why.

Luckily for you OP, she isn't your own flesh and blood, so you can easily point out her terrible characteristics, and then block her. Unfortunately, you might need to find somewhere else to volunteer, otherwise you may never be completely free of her!

Good luck OP, you are obviously a lovely and kind person, but you mustn't let people walk all over you. Please believe in your own self worth. 💐

Suzi888 · 29/07/2021 05:02

She’s using you, stop doing it.

ApolloandDaphne · 29/07/2021 05:29

Can you get to your volunteer post without your car? If you can I would tell her your car is off the road at the moment as it needs urgent repairs and so you can't take her now. Get public transport for a week and see if she is capable of getting there by herself. If she can then tell her you aren't giving her any more lifts as there is too much wear and tear on your car. What does she do when you are on holiday?

Carrott21 · 29/07/2021 06:01

Ask the charity to pair you with someone else. She probably asked for you knowing she would get chauffeur service.

Shoxfordian · 29/07/2021 06:09

Yabu for being such a mug

Say I can’t give you any more lifts anywhere once and mean it.

custardbear · 29/07/2021 06:11

Is this once a week or more regular? I'd probably be suggesting an amount per week/month for driving her tbh

WellLarDeDar · 29/07/2021 10:36

Shes obviously a nob and out of order but I put YABU because you're silly for not saying no... and really that's your own fault.

HilaryBriss · 29/07/2021 10:42

I've voted YABU because you need to grow a backbone and say no!! You are letting this person walk all over you.