Being taken advantage of by friend

[Bordon42]

I do volunteer work and I have been paired up with someone I met a few years back at a previous volunteering job. Thing is this girl doesn't drive and I do so I gave her lifts home from our previous volunteering post for a few years and everything was fine. That was until we started together at another charity and she has changed her attitude, she asks me to pick her up from her doorstep and asks me to stop off at shops for milk etc, thing is she has tons of shops where she can get these things at bottom of her street but she will not walk there she expects to be driven everywhere. She gives me no diesel money either. I have had to beg her to give me some on one occasion as had no money to fill car up and why should she not contribute. She has asked me to take her to vet a few times also and refuses to get taxis because of covid even though she is double jabbed and has mask on. If I'm a bit late picking her up she will text HURRY UP but she lives in busy area and getting from my house to hers takes 20 minutes. My car can't fly and I can only get there as quick as traffic allows me too! A cat was 5 mins walk away from her and was near road and I asked her to walk round and see if she could see it and she refused she expected me to drive 20 minutes in rush hour traffic. Her reason for not doing it was because I have a car and she doesn't drive and she can't get it to vet and she would have to walk there and back! My reason was because she is lazy and couldn't be bothered... She has no idea where anything is in her home town because she doesn't drove she says but, I've not always had a car when I didn't drive I had to get buses trains etc to get places shopping etc. Another thing is is I like to keep my car clean and when I told her off for climbing in the back with her muddy shoes on she wasn't happy with me but she doesn't have to clean the car I do. It's just like she won't use her legs to walk and it's the god given right to be ferried around as a non car driver! I'm starting to feel resentful and used now to be honest.

@TopBlogger I totally fell for that! Steam was coming out of my ears by the end!

@TopBlogger

YABU. You have a car, is 20 mins out of your day REALLY difficult? She may have unseen health problems that mean she cant walk far but doesnt want to tell you. Or MH problems that cause her severe anxiety that walking too far exacerbate.

How old is she? Maybe she is starting to suffer from dementia and needs support. Good on her for still trying to volunteer.

I also think you are incredibly selfish to not be helping her to learn. She could drive to the place you both volunteer with you teaching her. And maybe even use your car, nay HAVE your car when she passes.

(Do I win MN bingo of answers?)

She is clearly taking advantage of you. On the other hand you are completely unreasonable for agreeing to any of this! "Just to give you advance notice so you can make other arrangements, I won't be able to give you lifts in future". The moment she comes back with any abuse block on all channels.

I say it every time. I refuse to pay the expense of running car to give lifts to those who don't want that expense. Block her number. You don't need to be in contact with her other than when volunteering. Her travel arrangements are not your problem.

There must be a reason that you're still driving her everywhere. You probably need to work out why that is before you can stop. Is it habit, or friendship or you don't like saying no to people?

She's taking advantage which is not nice at all, but you're the only one that can stop it. She is not going to suddenly change - that means you have to do it, if you want this situation to end.

The first time I received a HURRY UP text, I think I'd have texted back LIFT CANCELLED and blocked her from that moment onwards.

tell her that shes a pisstaker and youve had enough and to find another mug.

If you are a naturally giving person, then you need to be careful as there are a lot of takers out there who will latch on and take advantage.

YABU for going along with all this. Block her. She's not your friend.

Sorry OP but I voted you as being U purely because you have allowed her to shit all over you for so long. I'd have told her to sod off and why ages ago. Of course you are right to be fed up. Keep well away.

Nip this asap. Had this with a school mam. I used covid excuse not carrying people in cars) so use this. Felt one sided can u bring x. She only rang me for lifts. Im not being used.

The absolute least you should expect is half the running costs.

The Local Authority deem 45pence per mile suitable reimbursement for costs of running a car. You need to divide your entire trip to collect her, drive in, drive her home, and drive yourself home into two and charge her 45p per mile for her half.
Say it's the cost of the extra wear and tear on the car and a contribution towards fuel.

She'll soon stop asking for lifts.

Or as others have suggested, get a bus for the next few shifts and see how she gets into work herself. Then either use this as a time to ask for a contribution towards costs, or a time to say you won't be doing it anymore.

She's being very entitled and cheeky.

@TopBlogger

YABU. You have a car, is 20 mins out of your day REALLY difficult? She may have unseen health problems that mean she cant walk far but doesnt want to tell you. Or MH problems that cause her severe anxiety that walking too far exacerbate.

How old is she? Maybe she is starting to suffer from dementia and needs support. Good on her for still trying to volunteer.

I also think you are incredibly selfish to not be helping her to learn. She could drive to the place you both volunteer with you teaching her. And maybe even use your car, nay HAVE your car when she passes.

(Do I win MN bingo of answers?)

😂😂 I was already to post "are you on glue?" and read the last line!

You are an utter mug.

What is the worst that could happen? When you said no before, what did she do, and what power does she hold over you?

@TopBlogger you little bugger you!

I’ve actually voted YABU because you’re choosing this.

The very first time I got “HURRY UP” would have been the last 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have limited sympathy as you are behaving like a doormat. Your behaviour isn't in line with that of an adult, surely most adults are capable of saying no? She can walk or get public transport like everybody else thy doesn't drive. Start using your voice and sticking up for yourself, no other lifts will be offered in any circumstances or she will once again take advantage of you.

[quote HollowTalk]@TopBlogger I totally fell for that! Steam was coming out of my ears by the end![/quote]
Sorry!! Couldn't resist bet your fingers were poised ready to let me have it!

@2020nymph @Stath

Sorry! Sometimes I cant help the urge when OPs are SO obvious

This is absolutely ridiculous and could be stopped instantly, the second you tell her that you are not her taxi.

No! I am not your mother

On repeat.

Straighten up and fly right, OP!

I have chosen YABU because you are. For putting up with this shite!
No. Just no!

Yeah, you're a mug. I would have insisted in being paid fuel money when it became a regular thing. No fuel money, no lift.

Also, I wouldn't have taken her to the shops or vets etc. What the heck are you doing OP!?

[quote TopBlogger]**@2020nymph* @Stath*

Sorry! Sometimes I cant help the urge when OPs are SO obvious[/quote]
You won! It’s hilarious! And so obviously a fake post 🤷🏻‍♀️ No one can be such a door mat 🤣🤣🤣

She is not forcing you into your car at gunpoint (presumably) Say no, keep saying no. It gets easier and easier.

@TopBlogger I was fooled too.