Son just been called poor

[kateshair]

Hi all
This has just really upset me…
My son was playing out in the back garden with neighbour children - he and this lad usually get on alright.
He’s just come in saying he doesn’t want to play with said kid. I ask why he said he’s called me poor !.
Now we live in the same street as them my house is actually 3 bedroomed there has two.
I’m a single parent work my arse off :-(. I’m a nurse. They are from a two parent household.
My garden needs totally doing by my own admission it’s a mess. But gah that has struck a nerve. Sons not bothered 😕 but it’s peeved me off ! Am guessing maybe he’s overheard his parent talking or he comparing his garden to mine. Gah I need to grow another skin.

That’s horrible op I’d feel the same

I wouldn’t assume the kid heard it from his parents, kids can say horrible things from nowhere. Don’t need to justify any aspect of your life to anyone, you don’t need validation from anyone (let alone neighbours), be proud of all you’re doing OP

How old are the boys? It might not have been a comment by the parents, sometimes kids just come out with stuff.

The child was rude, though I would imagine that he's parroting something he has heard from his parents rather than it coming from him personally if they're primary school aged children.

That isn't nice. I often remember when my daughter came back from her school friend's house and she told me how she had commented on how nice their garden was to the child's mum. The mum told her that "X's dad works really hard". All I kept hearing was how hard X's dad works for weeks. I snapped in the end and said well your dad works really hard, and I work really hard! That isn't why they have a massive garden!

Aw OP, I can understand why you are peeved. The kid may not have heard it at home - kids say things without thinking or realising what they are saying.

Reassure your son and perhaps tell him that if the boy comments again, he should just say 'it isn't kind to say things like that'.

Long shot here - could his parents have said “poor thing” in relation to not having a dad around? Rather than poor vs wealthy. Still not nice to hear (and still quite judgmental) but might not actually be on your house/garden?

It depends on the age of the children. They might not even know what it means. Seems like a bit of silliness to me . If i got upset over things kids say to each other I would probably in a right state by now. They will probably be playing again tomorrow.

Take no notice @kateshair. My dd come home from school once as a boy had called us poor. They were discussing parent's jobs, she said hers owned businesses. The boy teased her that we were so poor we had to invent our own jobs zero logic!!

@kateshair

Hi all This has just really upset me… My son was playing out in the back garden with neighbour children - he and this lad usually get on alright. He’s just come in saying he doesn’t want to play with said kid. I ask why he said he’s called me poor !. Now we live in the same street as them my house is actually 3 bedroomed there has two. I’m a single parent work my arse off :-(. I’m a nurse. They are from a two parent household. My garden needs totally doing by my own admission it’s a mess. But gah that has struck a nerve. Sons not bothered 😕 but it’s peeved me off ! Am guessing maybe he’s overheard his parent talking or he comparing his garden to mine. Gah I need to grow another skin.

Kateshair. You are a hard working well trained nurse. You are not poor in any way. You contribute so much. You pay your taxes and raise your family. Forget this. Hold your head high. You have a great son. Be proud!

My son called his (incredible talented) clarinet teacher poor today because 'he must be poor if he needs money from us'. So bloody embarrassing and I'm pretty sure he's richer than we are!

It's probably just a mix up like that, I reckon.

Ages are nearly always relevant on these threads.

How old are they?

I very much doubt they over heard it from the parents though. Kids here one thing and repeat something completely different.

This happened to my ds, but the kids were actually from families that have big houses and fancy cars. We have a nice house, just small, a decent car and dp and I work bloody hard. DP works more hours than anyone I know in 2 jobs. I was seriously pissed of and quite upset.
My parents were in pretty much the same situation when I was younger and no one called me poor, and loads of kids had similar lives. Now everyone is keeping up with the Jones's living in their 4/5 bed new builds, with either a range rover, audi, or jag outside like clones.

WHat age are these children? If the boy is 14 yes he’s a problem, if he’s 6 I would ignore.

Don't worry please OP its just the current insult du jour amongst kids of a certain age. Please don't read too much in to it.

Gosh, I remember being labelled as “ disgusting” and “poor” in the seventies by a schoolmate because we had a downstairs bathroom. It was an ancient farm cottage ( owned) but my schoolmate had a far superior council house with an upstairs bathroom . Kids are daft and hear prejudices from their parents.

Agree ages are relevant. I had a (bratty) 9 year old come over once and proceed to announce that our house looked old, every room in it was smaller than in his house, it sucked for my Ds having to share with his toddler brother, and it was boring because we didn't have a console.

I'm a single parent on what I'd consider a good salary, but had just moved to an area with lots of dual income high earners, so felt a bit gutted... Until I visited said boy's house, only to realise that while it is a clean and warm family home, it has fewer rooms, he and his sibling share one room smaller than the one that my ds1 and his brother share, and there's either not much money to spare or not much interest in DIY. His parents seem lovely people and my son claims he usually is too, don't know why he was such a horrible houseguest.

He might have heard it at home, but don't assume it's the parents, some kids come up with all sorts.

My niece told my mother that dh and I were poor because we didn't have a biscuit tin full of biscuits (usually rich tea in my mother's, so not exactly posh). She was 5.

It's quite likely something like that. Unless the boys are 15, in which case the other lad is a brat.

Hold on. Son comes in and says he doesn't want to play with the kid because "he said I/we were poor", yet in the same post, "Son's not bothered." Son clearly is bothered.

I'm wondering how old the kids are, and what the context of this is.

Ds friend age 5 asked if we were poor because our tv was smaller than theirs.
Kids have weird ideas!

When I was little we used to stay on a caravan site in France (like Eurocamp), I thought the people in tents were poor because we'd never camped and I'd only ever seen refugees in tents on the TV. I'd never have said anything but it was only as I got older I realised how misguided my thinking was. I really wouldn't take it personally. It's not a good thing for the boy to have said but I very much doubt it is based on any reality, just childish confusion.

I found out years after the fact that my DS's 'friend' had taunted him by saying we were poor and they weren't.
It turned out later, that they had lots of debt financing their lifestyle.

It is quite staggering, tho, to realise how much income some two-parent households have - if they are in jobs like teachers, lawyers etc - compared to people in more lowly jobs.

A conversation about what is classed as 'poor' is needed going forward.

Some people are culturally 'poor'.

Meaning they have no or little insights or cultural knowledge.

That is all your son needs to know.

My 12 year old DD had someone at school tell everyone we are poor and on benefits based on where we live. She was quite upset about it. I'm an allied health professional and a single mum so we aren't exactly rolling in it but definitely not poor.

I told DD to try and ignore it as being on benefits its something to be ashamed about. It's just how it is sometimes.