Son just been called poor

[kateshair]

Hi all
This has just really upset me…
My son was playing out in the back garden with neighbour children - he and this lad usually get on alright.
He’s just come in saying he doesn’t want to play with said kid. I ask why he said he’s called me poor !.
Now we live in the same street as them my house is actually 3 bedroomed there has two.
I’m a single parent work my arse off :-(. I’m a nurse. They are from a two parent household.
My garden needs totally doing by my own admission it’s a mess. But gah that has struck a nerve. Sons not bothered 😕 but it’s peeved me off ! Am guessing maybe he’s overheard his parent talking or he comparing his garden to mine. Gah I need to grow another skin.

Isn't something to be ashamed about obviously 🙈

Oh no :-/
Focus on the fact that your son doesnt care.

A girl in the year below my daughter called her a "knacker" and luckily my dd was just rolling her eyes. We own our small house outright, ive a job, a pension, no debts, dont smoke, dont even have a tattoo 😄no addictions, convictions, im so respectable!
so there is one reason my dd had to hear this insult. Because im a single parent. It's one hell of a patriarchal society.

@PearlFriday

Oh no :-/ Focus on the fact that your son doesnt care.

A girl in the year below my daughter called her a "knacker" and luckily my dd was just rolling her eyes. We own our small house outright, ive a job, a pension, no debts, dont smoke, dont even have a tattoo 😄no addictions, convictions, im so respectable!
so there is one reason my dd had to hear this insult. Because im a single parent. It's one hell of a patriarchal society.

I think your post is appalling and racist. Lots of travellers are also perfectly respectable, have jobs, no debt, don't smoke or drink, no addictions, convictions etc.

My kids think we’re poor and I don’t actually know why. We’re not living in a mansion but bigger than average house. Cars aren’t flash (not our thing but 2 trusty Fords that were 2 years old when we got them - 10 years old now and still working well). We spend our money on holidays which my dc don’t seem to appreciate the cost of 3 weeks in Canada or a trip to New York. Kids have little concept of money.

Kids just come out with some complete shite sometimes. It doesn’t mean he’s heard it at home. He might have been called poor himself, or heard it at school, or not even really know what it means.

I honestly wouldn’t give it a second thought.

One of DS's friends always comments on the size of our TV when he comes - its small apparently (42 inch hardly tiny) his is sooo much bigger he is very lucky that his mum can afford a big TV. FWIW I hate big massive TV's.

His mum and I work in the same industry, Im way more senior and therefore earn more but it would be far too petty to point that out to a child apparently (or so says DH).

Kids can be arseholes just ignore it

Children are stupid.

Ask your ds what being poor means. Use it as a lesson.

‘Some people are so poor all they have is money’ would be a good comeback to teach him.

I’ve had this loads of times over the years. We’re by no means well off, I’d say we’re just above being poor.

Age is everything here, but kids can be mean in general, sometimes with spite and sometimes without meaning it

I would imagine it's the latest 'fashionable' playground insult that's bandied around with no real justification. I wouldn't take it personally and certainly there's no need to feel you have to prove yourself to anyone else! The richest people are often the ones in second hand clothes with a make do and mend mentality, a really scruffy car and not caring what anyone else thinks, in my experience. 😂

I wouldn’t take any notice of what is being said. My dd came home one day and the kids at school were teasing her for not knowing what a PlayStation/Xbox/Nintendo was. We’re far from poor. We live in the biggest house in the area, new cars and foreign holidays around the world (pre Covid).
I wouldn’t take notice of what his friend said. If ds doesn’t want to play with him, I’d respect that.

Depending on his age he might be using it as a generic insult, rather than personal to your ds. Not that it should be an insult but that's something to discuss with your ds.

Dd was once called a tramp and we were a family of beggars because she didn't go to a riding school and had a second hand pony we didn't even have enough money to pay for. For context we've always had horses at home and said free pony was a first ridden we were very lucky to get on loan.

Thanks for all your comments very helpful.
I just think the child was comparing our gardens 😕. Think it just caught me off guard As he seemed a nice lad.
Told my lad if he ever said it again to say well our house is bigger 🤣.
I’ve put it into perspective now. I do agree thought that we are still very much in a patriarchal society and the kids do pick up on it 😟

Why do you care? Its not like being poor is a moral failing

@ochonAgusOchonoh 🤔
Are you alright?
My daughter was called this name. Not a word id use. My dd wouldnt use it either.

Take a breath.

@kateshair how old are they?

@PearlFriday - My daughter was called this name. Not a word id use. My dd wouldnt use it either

Yes. And you went on to list a series of characteristics that you presumably associate with "knackers", which you obviously know is a derogatory term for travellers. You may not use the term to describe travellers but you are certainly disparaging in your description of them.

You missed the point of my post entirely. I will spell it out for you. Im not giving the judgers anything. Nothing. Except for one thing. Im a single parent. That's enough it seems. Now, please leave it. I have not done anything wrong. If you want to fight with people online, it wont be with me.

I got your point. I just didn't like the racist tone of the characteristics you seemed to associate with travellers.

OP. ... I'm a single parent. I have learned that some things matter to kids among their peers, be that clothes, garden,... whatever
Choose whatever you can control. You mention garden.. make it a den, make a fire pit for marshmallows, get a tent for a sleep over.

That was hurtful ,but depends on age of kids.
Kids can be spiteful at times.
I guess we could be judged as poor, we only have small tvs and no games consoles.
Garden tidy but not big and no nice garden furniture as dog likes to race round it at times, thats another poor, the dog is not pedigree.
Daughter used to think we were poor as family holidays were only to Spain /Portugal and Balerics. We did not go to Disney land or other resort in America.

Kids talk a load of rubbish. “Your mum smells like poo” and so on, utter crap.

For all you know the kid heard his parents taking about someone else and saying that and he just repeated it not really knowing what he meant. Or made it up.

Having a mess of a garden doesn’t mean anyone is poor. It just means they haven’t prioritised their garden, for whatever reason. For all they know you have chronic allergies and can’t really do it. Or have been doing extra work and had no time.

My DSs friend fell out with him recently as apparently we are rich! DS got the latest PlayStation for his Christmas granted but we had a horrible year and wanted to do something nice for him, he asked Santa for it because of anyone could get him it Santa could. His friend had to wait for his which he obviously was jealous about. Then there’s the pets thing, we have quite a few pets, nearly all are rescues and are my hobby, his friends isn’t allowed a pet. Then my DH drives a Merc an old one which probably is worth less than his friends Dads car but because of all this DS is posh and rich apparently.

You’re jumping to a hell of a lot of conclusions without any proper evidence. Are you a mind reader? It could be to do with your DS not having a specific toy or the garden looking messy or friends misuse of the word poor.

@Ideasplease322

WHat age are these children? If the boy is 14 yes he’s a problem, if he’s 6 I would ignore.

Exactly.. which is why how old are the children is the first question I asked. OP hasn't answered, though.

I'm with others and think there's a good chance its something they've picked up at school. Does anyone else remember in primary school and everyone would be called gay at everything ?
I also had one kid tell me I'd been raped cos my top ripped and kids were repeating it for a week after.