AIBU to not want my son to do a class I can't observe?

[RainyNightInTallinn]

My DS4 is obsessed with martial arts. I found what appears to be a great Karate school which does classes for 3-12 year olds and looks really good. Only thing is they say parents can't observe the classes, not even the free trial class. They said it's to develop self-esteem and protect the privacy of all students.

Problem is, I feel uncomfortable just taking my shy 4-year-old along and sending him in along for an hour without me ever having met these teachers, not knowing this school, etc. These people are total strangers to me. AIBU? Am I being overprotective? I know we essentially do the same thing at normal school, but at school there are many adults, oversight, etc. at this karate school it's a couple who run it and teach groups of 4 kids at a time.

[TheDevils]

Any decent martial art class can handle a few parents watching and has nothing to hide.

It's not about having something to hide.
Having parents in the room changes the dynamic and can have a negative impact on teaching. Kids are likely to run to parents mid class and look at parents for approval. And don't get me started on the parents that coach from the sidelines.... more often than not having parents in the room is just one big distraction.

[a8mint]

I run gymnastics classes and we are happy for parents to view because we have nothing to hire. Many childrens clubs are nothing more than babysitting.That's why they dont want you to see

[AntiHop]

I got a real shock when my daughter was in her pre school year, and all the classes she did expected parents to sit outside. All the local classes were the same, so we had no choice.

[merrymouse]

It's not about having something to hide.

If you are a responsible teacher.

However, just from a business point of view, and leaving aside safeguarding and safety issues, there should be some way for a parent to establish the quality of the class before parting with their money.

I know it's usual for parents to be excluded from ballet classes, but it's also usual for parents to be recommended a class by a friend and for there to be regular recitals.

How do you check the standard of the class if you know nothing about it before hand and you aren't allowed to see any classes being taught?

I would assume that reputable martial arts classes have regular open days/displays and that there is some kind of accreditation system for the teachers.

[TheDevils]

@a8mint

I run gymnastics classes and we are happy for parents to view because we have nothing to hire. Many childrens clubs are nothing more than babysitting.That's why they dont want you to see

That's simply not true.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

@GintyMcGinty

I think you need to try to land your helicopter and let your child try this out.

It can be really disruptive having parents in the class and children nearly always settle much better without parents hanging around.

The teachers will fetch you in your child really can't settle.

haha

I wouldn't feel much of a teacher who can't deal with a parent or 2 coming to see the first class or so. If they can't handle the "disruption" and allow it to happen, they can't be trusted to handle a class full stop.

There are enough very good clubs proving that it's a non-issue.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

@a8mint

I run gymnastics classes and we are happy for parents to view because we have nothing to hire. Many childrens clubs are nothing more than babysitting.That's why they dont want you to see

exactly!

[TheDevils]

@merrymouse

It's not about having something to hide.

If you are a responsible teacher.

However, just from a business point of view, and leaving aside safeguarding and safety issues, there should be some way for a parent to establish the quality of the class before parting with their money.

I know it's usual for parents to be excluded from ballet classes, but it's also usual for parents to be recommended a class by a friend and for there to be regular recitals.

How do you check the standard of the class if you know nothing about it before hand and you aren't allowed to see any classes being taught?

I would assume that reputable martial arts classes have regular open days/displays and that there is some kind of accreditation system for the teachers.

Exactly. I'm a dance teacher and i ask parents to leave the hall as they are a distraction.

I'm fully qualified, registered with my professional body, regularly DBS checked, insured and have a first aid qualification. All of this can be checked and verified.

If it's someone's first class I am happy for them to stay until the child is settled but the expectation is that parents will leave once the children are joining in.

[gogohm]

Whilst I can see your point, other parents might not want another parent watching their child.

[TheGoogleMum]

Not being there for the class is normal for martial arts I think but surprised they don't make an exception for trials and very young students

[pleasedonttextmyman]

@gogohm

Whilst I can see your point, other parents might not want another parent watching their child.

good grief

[BluebirdHill]

@TheGoogleMum

Not being there for the class is normal for martial arts I think but surprised they don't make an exception for trials and very young students

No, there's quite a lot on variation as the thread shows. My DS goes to a martial arts class which is always open to parents. This has never been the massive distraction some posters have said, and the classes has been great for confidence and self esteem. The teachers know how to manage the class and having parents there isn't a problem. As a teacher you have to be able to get on with your job in front of an audience when necessary.

My DS started at 4 and at that age I wouldn't have sent him to an activity I wasn't allowed to observe. As I said earlier, OP should ask other parents for recommendations. She hasn't said what led her to this class apart from the impressive website content.

[SpidersAreShitheads]

Interesting thread.

I have 11 yr old twins - DD and DS - both autistic. My DS has quite high needs and would need 1:1 to do any kind of class. My DD needs less hands-on support but her anxiety means she can't manage if I'm out of sight (although I think she'd get used to it within a few weeks).

All of the clubs we looked at were strictly no parents so that makes them instantly inaccessible for both my DC, for different reasons. I do understand there are reasons but it does feel a bit shit when there's literally no options for SEN kids.

[TheDevils]

@gogohm

Whilst I can see your point, other parents might not want another parent watching their child.

Good point. I'm my early days of teaching I was persuaded (bullied) into letting parents sit in classes. After a few months I had complaints about 2 parents. One parent was very vocal and was distracting the other kids and trying to try me to focus on her child. The other (one of my dancers dad) was taking pictures surreptitiously and, understandably, was making the children and parents uncomfortable.

I implemented a ban on parents watching classes ( and followed proper safeguarding procedures in relation to the dad)

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

@pleasedonttextmyman

I fully agree with you, with every one of your posts.

It's the teacher's responsibility to engage the pupils. I had a choir master who was so demanding that we could've had a litter of puppies playing in front of us we wouldn't have noticed, she held all of our attention 100%.
she was brilliant. no wonder we won a fair few competitions!

[BeserkRobot]

A friend of mine is very, very experienced in martial arts and when I discussed with them signing up my children for lessons their first recommendation was to ensure I observed classes before they joined.

[a8mint]

Exactly. I'm a dance teacher and i ask parents to leave the hall as they are a distraction.

Maybe you need to make your classes a little more engaging?

[melj1213]

I can get that they don't want people in the sessions regularly but I would want to come in for the first lesson to meet the instructor and to make sure DD was settled before leaving. I hate bringing up covid but a 4yr old will not have the same social skills as a 4yr old who didn't spend the last year and a half in lockdowns. My DD at 4 would have been fine to go alone because she had spent 3 years in playgroups/toddler sessions/nursery etc but my cousins 4yr old will only be starting nursery school this September without having done toddler/play groups as they have all been shut since she was 2yrs old and I don't think she would take to classes alone without at least a parent there to settle her in.

When my DD was little and did classes they were at a sports venue where parents could go up onto a balcony at the back of the class, behind a glass window so that they could watch without being in the room. Because it was so high up and at the back of the room the kids weren't constantly distracted by seeing their parents.

[TwoLeftElbows]

@Spidersareshitheads yes, I have an autistic child too and it really is a no-brainer with him. But I've had a very different experience to you. Once I mention autism they tend to be very keen for me to stay after all! But that was before covid.

[Suspicioussam]

I completely agree with you. I didn't let my 3 year old son attend a gymnastics class for the same reason. I wasn't allowed to even watch the trial and he was 3!
I know this is an unusual case, but when I was 4 my parents weren't allowed to watch my gymnastics lessons and thank god my mum found it weird and pulled me out! The teacher turned out to be a pedophile and has since been convicted.
I realise this is unlikely but I would definitely want to observe the teacher and the lesson and get a feel for the class before sending in a shy 4 year old!

[TheDevils]

@a8mint

Exactly. I'm a dance teacher and i ask parents to leave the hall as they are a distraction.

Maybe you need to make your classes a little more engaging?

Nice.

I'm an experienced dance teacher with over 20 years experience of running a competitive dance school. All of this experience has taught me that very young children are easily distracted. It doesn't matter how engaging the class is - 4,5 &6 year olds will run to a parent the second you turn your back on them.

Also, often the parents are the ones causing the distractions. Sideline coaching is very distracting for the children and the teachers and is the main reason I don't allow parents in my classes. Also, lots of loud chatter and loud siblings are annoying when you're trying to teach things that involve rhythm and timing.

However, I do make an effort to meet new parents and allow them to stay for the first class to ensure their young children are settled.

[Faultymain5]

@BluebirdHill
The teachers know how to manage the class and having parents there isn't a problem. As a teacher you have to be able to get on with your job in front of an audience when necessary.

It’s not really a problem doing a job in front of an audience. It’s usually “parents” that are the problem. When one person says they want to view that’s fine. Then you always get “that” parent who thinks it’s okay for them to stay as well. Then they all become friends and then it becomes a free for all and snacks, jokes and laughter in a room that was only big enough for 15 kids two teachers and assistants a 30 minute lesson becomes a 20 minute class instead. Value for money letting some spoil it for others. Different schools do different things because of teachers’ experiences. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again some parents are fine with it and some aren’t.

That said most of our students are from word of mouth.

[MorganKitten]

Pretty standard for martial arts classes

[Panickingpavlova]

Don't bother with it op, peados are everywhere, church, mosque, gym teachers, boarding schools, schools, nursery etc etc.

Red flag for the me. I'm sure you can find another one that allows watching after all you will be tyere once maybe twice. M

[Fleetw00d]

Martial arts have very strict and entrenched rules, they're big on respect and self confidence. I can see why they have these rules, for instance it's really disrespectful to correct your child's behaviour while they are in a class as they need to learn to respect their coach/instructor and his/her authority. That's a young age for kids to be left but I guess it's the same as school and nursery where we leave them in the care of others without observing. I would give it a go and if your ds likes it then great and if he doesn't like you not being there then try again in a years time or something!