Insomniac bf. AIBU to be pissed off

[wordrobber]

Just that. Bf is an insomniac . Our first holiday together. He is currently dozing on the couch as he can't sleep in our bed . Awake two hours now and it's beginning to grate . AIBU.

Is it lifelong or a new thing. I would dump if it is lifelong - I'm an insomniac and it screws up your life.,... I wouldn't live with one

As long as you get snuggles in the morning -
either you joining him or him coming back to bed - I don’t see a problem here. He’s being extremely considerate of your sleep as he knows how rubbish it is to be underslept and doesn’t want you to suffer. Nice man.

He has insomnia. Do you realise how horrible having insomnia is? There's been nights that I am so exhausted that I cry

@AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison

Me too

I'm an insomniac although I am slightly better than I used to be. I don't sleep for long and if I do manage to sleep I wake early.
My partner sleeps like the dead. I'm so envious! I will often get up to avoid my beig active in bed waking her. Luckily she understands very well and isn't awful about it.
It's hell being unable to sleep and being knackered all day and never knowing what may help.

Agreed, hotel rooms are an ordeal for insomniacs. I bought a backlit kindle so I can read without turning on the light. And he's a snorer so headphones are required too. Like another pp, having small babies ensured I slept more, not less. I can't explain why, but it did

You don’t sound selfish and your sleep is being disturbed - you’re not used to it, it’s frustrating, you don’t want to commit to a lifetime of fucked up sleep.

That’s not lacking compassion, that’s being real with yourself. If you don’t want to sign up for broken nights every night and separate beds and a day-dozing/exhausted partner it doesn’t make you a bad person.

If it’s a deal breaker for you then it’s your right to call time on the relationship.

What you can’t do is get angry at him or demand he change.

Total dealbreaker! Was married to an insomniac and it’s a nightmare. Not just the interruption of your sleep, but the impact on the next day, them always being tired, then being snappy, can’t drive, napping in the day, ruining big occasions a etc. Once we had kids it became impossible to live with.

It is lacking compassion if you get annoyed at him for not being able to sleep and for being considerate in taking himself somewhere else so she isn’t disturbed.

It’s rather like getting annoyed with an asthmatic for wheezing even if they are doing everything they can to help the issue

@Esspee

FGS buy Phenergan. It’s an anti histamine and a 10mg tablet will allow him to have a decent night’s sleep for once. I use half a tablet on the very rare occasions I have trouble sleeping. I suggest he tries the full tablet at the weekend and if he feels groggy in the morning use half the next night. Three or four nights usually allows the body to adjust to a new sleeping pattern. I have recommended this to a number of people who have got back to me with their success stories. YABU as everyone has told you.

Awful stuff. Makes me feel like I've been drugged for hours the next morning.

YABU, I have insomnia, have done most of my adult life and it's HELL. I do ok in life but sometimes wonder what I would have achieved if firing on all cylinders. Holidays are a nightmare due to not having a room to myself where I can toss and turn/read/quietly get up to get a drink in peace. I come back from them exhausted. I panic at the thought of long drives as I'm worried about my concentration. I rarely nap in the day and try to dredge the energy together to join in with family stuff, but the constant low level fatigue and foggy headedness means I feel like I'm living life in a blur. Have a bit of compassion.

I have to cope on very little sleep and it is exhausting. It is also frustrating that I can lie in bed for hours trying to sleep and DH drops off straight away. I think it is nice that he moves away so he doesn’t disturb you. I can guarantee that however bad it makes you feel for him it is 100 times worse. I function perfectly fine as I am used to it and I do sometimes manage to have a lie in once I am finally asleep but trying to get to sleep and the waking up most nights when I do is a total nightmare.

Yep def a dealbreaker for him I’d think.

Can you buy Phenergan otc ?

Sominex is promethazine the same as is in phenergan and can be bought over the counter.

It can indeed and doesn't generally work.

I have a sleep disorder/form of insomnia called early final awakening. I often can only sleep for a few hours then just doze or have to get up completely. Your BF sounds similar. He should discuss it with his GP.

@Nextchapterofmybook

Total dealbreaker! Was married to an insomniac and it’s a nightmare. Not just the interruption of your sleep, but the impact on the next day, them always being tired, then being snappy, can’t drive, napping in the day, ruining big occasions a etc. Once we had kids it became impossible to live with.

You make it sound like he was doing it to just piss you off!

She didn’t imply that at all Merely stated the drawbacks of the life she shared with an insomniac partner.

@AtrociousCircumstance

She didn’t imply that at all Merely stated the drawbacks of the life she shared with an insomniac partner.

I'd make a guess that there was far more going in I that poster's life that was causing her to feel so unhappy than simply her partner's insomnia.

Waves from sofa

You are being VVVU.

Depends if the insomnia is self inflicted or not. Poor sleep hygiene is a real thing.
I would sleep like you describe, I thought it was genetic as that’s the same pattern my father had. Turns out I was just a textbook alcoholic Same as my Da and this is a common sleep problem. I sleep perfectly now.

Do you snore? Could you be disturbing him?

@HaveANiceFuckingDay

Yabvvvvvvu. I'm an insomniac have you actually any idea what it's like? I very much doubt it a you wouldn't be posting this. Have you ANY idea what its like for insomniacs to want to sleep but can't and so exhausted by the end of the week to try and " lay in " whatever that is, on a weekend Its bloody horrible. I'm very very lucky to get 4 hours unbroken in the night VERY lucky On and off I'm lucky to sleep for 3-4 hours n a 8 hour period , every night and that's adding up all the time I can actually sleep constantly awake every 45 minutes- 1 hour all night every night DH was an insomniac, he has taught himself to sleep , I've tried it i I cant do it And your BF has the AUDACITY to not disturb you and to go downstairs!!! Grow the fuck up and dont be so selfish I Dont even think this post is real as if it is you need a very good hard look at yourself.

This sounds like my husband :( It sounds horrible.

My husband gets out if bed every night. I don't understand how its a deal breaker?

Depends if it affects how he is in the day and how he treats you.

If the lack of sleep makes him miserable, angry, lazy, etc, then YANBU not to want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this.