Insomniac bf. AIBU to be pissed off

[wordrobber]

Just that. Bf is an insomniac . Our first holiday together. He is currently dozing on the couch as he can't sleep in our bed . Awake two hours now and it's beginning to grate . AIBU.

[bushtailadventures]

3am is my 'normal' wake-up time, DP has to get up at 5.45 for work, so I come downstairs and leave him asleep because I thought I was being considerate? I imagine your bf thinks he is being considerate too. It is really annoying just lying in the dark when you can't sleep, I feel myself getting more and more irate so it's better for both of us if I come downstairs and do something useful/read mumsnet instead.

[ChunkySloth]

@wordrobber

He has done this every night btw. Goes to bed with me , sleeps for a few hours and then goes to doze on sofa . He is careful not to wake me but it feels lonely . A dealbreaker !

😲😲😲

Wow 😂

[flightofthewilderbeast]

My bf doesn't sleep well, when we have nights together he sleeps elsewhere, we always go to bed together and he always comes back to bed with me in the morning. It did take an adjustment from me mentally, and I understand you when you say it feels lonely, but it's definitely not a deal breaker and now, nearly 3 years later, I actually find I like it and sleep better on my own too..

[GADDay]

When my insomnia is bad, I feel terribly anxious. Staying in bed makes me feel 10 x worse. Getting up is a coping strategy.

It's not easy to understand if you haven't been through it. Chat to your BF and let him know you miss him in the night and ask if he is ok, if there is anything you can do to help?

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

Definitely a deal breaker. The poor guy deserves someone much more understanding and considerate and less needy (who gets lonely in bed when someone's in the same room?) please leave him.

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

Both DH and I suffer from insomnia. I say suffer as it's bloody awful. We are rarely in bed together. We've been together almost 28 years, it's really not a deal breaker.

[Myshitisreal]

Glad you've seen the light.

Wouldn't wish this on anyone. 😴 🧟‍♂️

[PurpleSapphire]

Yep, very unreasonable. Clearly you dont have any idea what it's like when your body is exhausted but your brain wont stop. When the sleep you do have is broken and you feel tired every waking minute because of it. He sounds very considerate, what would you rather he do, toss and turn next to you all night? Poor bloke cant win.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

He does sound lovely and considerate, so continue to check yourself OP, lest he sees you may not have the same traits at the ready. A little harsh, but please consider that this is never an option a human would pick.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday. Just cut him some slack.

[LozzaChops101]

A bit U, but I get it. My ex used to get narky when she woke up and I'd gone off to the sofa, but it's not something anyone can help and I guarantee you'd be more pissed off if he was keeping you awake all night. It's crap for everyone but definitely worse for him!

[romdowa]

What would you like him to do? I'm lucky my dp is an incredibly heavy sleeper and I could practise the cymbals next to his head at 4am and he wouldn't even budge. So when I wake up I can stay in bed and watch TV etc but a lot of people do like to get up when they wake

[HaveANiceFuckingDay]

Yabvvvvvvu. I'm an insomniac have you actually any idea what it's like? I very much doubt it a you wouldn't be posting this.
Have you ANY idea what its like for insomniacs to want to sleep but can't and so exhausted by the end of the week to try and " lay in " whatever that is, on a weekend
Its bloody horrible. I'm very very lucky to get 4 hours unbroken in the night VERY lucky
On and off I'm lucky to sleep for 3-4 hours n a 8 hour period , every night and that's adding up all the time I can actually sleep constantly awake every 45 minutes- 1 hour all night every night
DH was an insomniac, he has taught himself to sleep , I've tried it i I cant do it
And your BF has the AUDACITY to not disturb you and to go downstairs!!!
Grow the fuck up and dont be so selfish
I Dont even think this post is real as if it is you need a very good hard look at yourself.

[CloseYourEyesAndSee]

YABU and a bit of an arsehole
I had a boyfriend who moaned about me sleeping separately, not caring that if I tried to sleep next to him I was likely to be awake all night. Do you care about him at all? Do you understand that he will not be able to sleep? Do you think he should lie awake all night just so you don't feel 'lonely'?

[DufferMum]

Why are you all on your phones at 4 in the morning? No wonder you can’t sleep!

[LakieLady]

Insomnia is hell and YABVU!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@DufferMum

Why are you all on your phones at 4 in the morning? No wonder you can’t sleep!

Lol 🙄

[PurpleDaisies]

@DufferMum

Why are you all on your phones at 4 in the morning? No wonder you can’t sleep!

Er, I was on my phone precisely because I couldn’t sleep…

[Megasausagehead]

@DufferMum

Why are you all on your phones at 4 in the morning? No wonder you can’t sleep!

Well last night I spent 4 hours looking at the inside of my eyelids, 2 hours studying the ceiling and 1 hour sleeping.

Tonight my phone won. Because sleep isn't near. I am wide awake.

[grapewine]

Your attitude would be a dealbreaker for me. Stop being an arsehole.

[grapewine]

@DufferMum

Why are you all on your phones at 4 in the morning? No wonder you can’t sleep!

🙄

[Sirzy]

@DufferMum

Why are you all on your phones at 4 in the morning? No wonder you can’t sleep!

If only we hadn’t all thought of something so simple that would sort everything hey!

[User5827372728]

Having insomnia was the worst 2 years of my life.

Had my OH treated me as you it would have been even worse.

It almost lead me to suicide

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Wow. Insomnia is really no fun. Get a grip and have some compassion.

[onelittlefrog]

I think people are being a little mean on this thread.

I can see why it's lonely OP if he is leaving you on your own in bed every single night. That must be tough.

You say he's careful not to wake you, so is it just that you're waking up in the morning and he's on the sofa? Can't you go get him for a cuddle in the morning?

I have this issue sometimes and just come back to bed for a few minutes when my partner wakes up.

Insomnia is tough, it must be hard for him as well, has he seen a doctor about it? And have you spoken to him about why he thinks he's not sleeping?

Problem is they can often give you medication that helps you get to sleep in the first place, but preventing the early wake-up is hard. It can be more to do with midfulness, diet, exercise, reducing stress etc. This has helped me.

[Brigittebidet]

My DH suddenly developed insomnia after about 5 years of marriage. It was incredibly unsettling and upsetting for both of us - him particularly obviously!

@wordrobber - I think you've got a hard time on this thread. It's difficult to understand if you've never suffered from it, as with many things. It is unsettling for the partner, it's worrying and disturbing (physically and emotionally). It also, in our case, affects his mood massively in the day time, which has its limitations. If you don't think this is something you can live with then it is what it is. Only you can make that decision.

What has saved my marriage is separate beds. Sounds middle aged (oh wait, I am middle aged) but it has been seriously good news. Sometimes we start the night together, sometimes we don't. DH suffers intermittently so it is not all the time, which helps, but we still have the separate beds.

Good luck with whatever you decide.