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AIBU?

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Original poster

Creepy camera in the house

141 replies

chnahingnameagain · 28/07/2021 02:38

At my in-laws house last week I noticed a camera in the main family room, I felt very uncomfortable once I noticed it as I didn't know if am being recorded, it was facing the direction am sitting.
For context, my sil, Bil (both are dh siblings) and mil live in the house along with sil's dd. Dd is 9 years old.
Upon seeing it I didn't ask mil anything as most likely she won't have a clue about it, sil and bil (will call him Pete) were not home.
At the moment my other Bil (will Call him Dave)and his family have come over to stay at mil house, we went over and I noticed the camera is turned on, it records everything on to a sd card, (I looked up the camera model and description)
I asked about the camera and was told it's to keep an eye on sil's dd, sil works from home, that's fine they want to use it as a nanny cam or whatever, but here is my aibu why is the camera left turned on when everyone else is around at the house, we've had quite a few family gatherings in the last two weeks, and just makes no sense to leave the camera on. Why not have it turned off? It's recording all our conversations, myself and daves wife were having a private convo, we forgot about the camera and at the time didn't know it's always turned on, we are both extremely annoyed that we were not informed about a camera being there and recording everything. When everyone is around it is a complete invasion of privacy to keep the camera on. There's just no need as dd isn't on her own and sil isn't working now.
From what Pete said, it seems the camera will remain turned on and that's that.
Pete has form for being nosey and going through other siblings private mssgs and emails, So I very much can see him playing back the footage to see what we spoke about, yes he has a lot of time on his hands!
On the day I noticed the camera, I had a new handbag, sil was working upstairs so I didn't see her, a few days later she asked me about that bag, I asked her has she seen the bag as I don't remember having the bag with me when I last saw her, her face froze and she stopped saying anything , I realised she must've viewed me in the camera with the handbag!

Do we have a right to be annoyed? Especially seen as they never informed us we are being recorded? Or it's their house and entitled to keep it on permanently?

OP posts:
Kokeshi123 · 03/08/2021 04:16

MIL is clearly very naive and does not understand what is going on here. This is her house, right? Makes me wonder what else they are doing in there.

Themeparklover · 03/08/2021 04:22

I lived in a house share with my ex where the two homeowners lied saying they had a 'pet camera' up but would bring up conversations we had privately in the day with each other and were extremely creepy towards my ex partner , we had a 6 month contract and moved out after 3.5 months thank god

BlackAlys · 03/08/2021 06:46

@ShitPoetryClub

Pete is as creepy as fuck. In what realm does anyone think its OK for him to film his 9 year old niece?
This, 100%
GoingGently · 03/08/2021 08:02

I think you're being far too polite about this. I'd go ballistic!

If I were you I'd demand that he destroys all recorded footage of you and that he never films you again. Within your rights for a private surveillance camera I believe. Perhaps GDPR or other but you do have rights

3scape · 03/08/2021 08:10

Can you not just turn it off or remove it yourself? Though I'd definitely be meeting elsewhere with the MIL and be explicit you don't want Pete with his lack of boundaries recording you or going through your emails Why on earth does anyone just accept he's like this? It's controlling abusive and breach of trust, I'd be cutting him out of my life completely

StrangeToSee · 03/08/2021 08:19

Many people have movement sensitive cameras that live stream so they can check on the empty house when they’re out (security), or keep an eye on elderly parents in case they fall, or monitor kids from another room. Or keep an eye on babysitters/au pairs. Usually they only record movement not audio so private conversations won’t be listened into.

Are you sure it’s recording all the time or is it just left on because it’s difficult to re-boot/re-set if they turn it off completely?

I wouldn’t be bothered by one in a lounge provided it was visible not carefully disguised and discovered by chance. Obviously in a bedroom or bathroom it’s an invasion of privacy. Saying that when DD was tiny DH used to check on us through the baby cam on his phone at work (but he said hello and we’d chat so it didn’t feel like being spied on!) plus it was focused on her cot so he could check in and look at his new daughter sleeping.

GoingGently · 03/08/2021 08:40

@StrangeToSee

Many people have movement sensitive cameras that live stream so they can check on the empty house when they’re out (security), or keep an eye on elderly parents in case they fall, or monitor kids from another room. Or keep an eye on babysitters/au pairs. Usually they only record movement not audio so private conversations won’t be listened into.

Are you sure it’s recording all the time or is it just left on because it’s difficult to re-boot/re-set if they turn it off completely?

I wouldn’t be bothered by one in a lounge provided it was visible not carefully disguised and discovered by chance. Obviously in a bedroom or bathroom it’s an invasion of privacy. Saying that when DD was tiny DH used to check on us through the baby cam on his phone at work (but he said hello and we’d chat so it didn’t feel like being spied on!) plus it was focused on her cot so he could check in and look at his new daughter sleeping.

I would have a huge issue being watched by my husband when he wasn't in the house!!
Bollindger · 03/08/2021 08:47

Why are you not messing with his head.
Take bag , hid under camera, show nothing, say your rich, but your not sharing, that he will NEVER find out that he owned it, but your gonna keep the money.

MzHz · 03/08/2021 09:00

I feel sorry for you all op. Not one person has the temerity to stand up for themselves and their wife etc and tell this creep that he can ftfo with his spy cam

Why on earth are you not skimming this picture frame out of the door?

billy1966 · 03/08/2021 09:07

Your MIL doesn't know?
Have they moved into HER house?

Watching a 9 year old all the time?
Camera in her bedroom?

Concerning for your MIL.

Age Action might be worth a call.
Your MIL is entitled to her privacy in HER home.

StrangeToSee · 03/08/2021 09:11

I would have a huge issue being watched by my husband when he wasn't in the house!!

I would too if I hadn’t agreed to it. But the baby-cam was on the cot and made a noise if it swivelled around. So if I was in the room say bf DD on the chair or bed near the cot he’d speak through the monitor first and ask if I was there, and if I was happy for him to watch us he’d pan it round so he could see us. I didn’t think anything of it, as we could chat through it and it meant he could see our DD while he was at work. Guess I felt less alone too. The only time he might have seen me without me noticing was if I’d been changing the cot sheets or bending over the cot, which he’d see normally when he was home so it didn’t feel odd.

Plus I also had the app on my phone so had a live stream of her in the cot eg if I went into another room I could keep watch over her via the monitor, or even bring up the monitor screen on the smart TV so I could play with my phone/cook/clean while she slept.

WomanStanleyWoman · 03/08/2021 09:11

@MotionActivatedDog

It's his mum's house?

Exactly. It’s not his. His mums opinion is what matters.

Then by that token, the OP’s opinion doesn’t matter either.
WomanStanleyWoman · 03/08/2021 09:25

I would be having some very interesting conversations in front of this camera. Perhaps along the lines of ‘So Pete STILL doesn’t know?! He spends all this time watching everyone in this house, but hasn’t watched his own wife long enough to know she’s cheated with half the street? What a sap’.

JustLyra · 03/08/2021 09:36

@WomanStanleyWoman

I would be having some very interesting conversations in front of this camera. Perhaps along the lines of ‘So Pete STILL doesn’t know?! He spends all this time watching everyone in this house, but hasn’t watched his own wife long enough to know she’s cheated with half the street? What a sap’.
Winding him up is one thing, but I really wouldn’t make jokes like that.

If he’s not controlling, and potentially abusive, toward his wife I’ll eat my hat.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/08/2021 09:45

@WomanStanleyWoman

I would be having some very interesting conversations in front of this camera. Perhaps along the lines of ‘So Pete STILL doesn’t know?! He spends all this time watching everyone in this house, but hasn’t watched his own wife long enough to know she’s cheated with half the street? What a sap’.
Well that wouldn't be very helpful to a wife married to a man who is clearly a controlling arsehole, would it?
Goldenbear · 03/08/2021 09:59

My DD has a friend has one set up in the kitchen on a shelf, apparently it is for security reasons and faces the patio doors to detect any break ins; I think it is intrusive and others do. They don't mind sharing their data with all sorts of apps and gadgets but they can't share mine so I don't allow my DD to go around there anymore. It is not just the camera it is their approach to these things, for example, letting my DD use a silly photo app without my permission when she was young.

EatWellStayFitDieAnyway · 03/08/2021 10:06

I have CCTV in the house. If it makes people unwilling to visit then I aren't bothered. Actually they have solved a load of arguments particularly with my partner who claims they didn't do something or didn't say something and then accuses me of lying when I say they did. Ugh imagine having to live like that. Having your probably controlling partner scurry off to watch recordings of you to try and prove you wrong all the time.

If they want to record their sitting room then there is no reason why they shouldn't. If you don't like it, don't go round. It isn't just their house though is it. It doesn't sound like they've informed at least one of the residents that they are being recorded.

OP it's so creepy that they're actually watching everyone on the recordings. If bil has snooped on emails etc I'd bet he is spying on private conversations too. Also, creepy to constantly record the 9yo. Is she always left alone or something?

worldandsky · 04/08/2021 02:02

Pete isn't married. He comes to alot of use for his siblings, I think that's why everyone walks on eggshells around him as they don't want to upset him and have their perks removed. I can't specify what he does for them as it will be very outing.
Dh explained to mil over the phone about the camera, she seemed confused as I think she thought it's an actual camera to take photos on, I think she then must've enquired with Pete who gave her his bs story. She came round the next day to ours, dh explained properly what the camera is and the fact that it records audio. She said Pete said that it's for dniece school work, talk to teachers. She believed that, and was adamant with dh that is what it is. English isn't mil first language which is why she didn't quite understand and believes it's for school 🙄

@StrangeToSee it definitely records audio, he sent a clip off that camera, you can hear the audio, very good audio and brilliant camera quality.

worldandsky · 04/08/2021 02:09

I won't be going round anytime soon. Am too paranoid about what other devices he may have in other rooms which potentiallly could be hidden. We can't even simply unplug it as he gets notified on his phone! I checked the camera description, my sister also has that same camera that she uses as her baby monitor, it definitely doesn't reset when turned off. He's just a twat that thinks he can get away with it as his stupid siblings are so bloody scared of him.

worldandsky · 04/08/2021 02:17

Sil (dh sister) works from home part time, so the camera is there for her to keep an eye on her daughter apparently, even though they've never had so much as a baby monitor for her since she's been born but now at 9 years old need a camera, she's not sat in just that one room though so you can hardly keep an eye.

Tisha0 · 04/08/2021 03:47

@worldandsky

Sil (dh sister) works from home part time, so the camera is there for her to keep an eye on her daughter apparently, even though they've never had so much as a baby monitor for her since she's been born but now at 9 years old need a camera, she's not sat in just that one room though so you can hardly keep an eye.
Which is why I would bet anything that there are more cameras around the house - you only know about this one and he still comes in and reoriented it in front of you all - and you say nothing! True, it sounds like your BIL is a real piece of work but no one is willing to stand up to him.

This is not normal behaviour, it is shocking that none of you will say anything to him or refuse to be part of this by insisting it stop. That poor little girl being recorded in her own home all the time, on how many different cameras?!?

It is deranged - but you all obviously don’t mind too much as you aren’t prepared to insist it stop or refuse to go there. It’s your choice.

Frannibananni · 04/08/2021 03:59

I would ask for the camera to be turned off while you are visiting as you find it very creepy to be spied on. If they won’t I would stop visiting and tell mil why. I absolutely hate being recorded, I understand it happens in public but I won’t visit someone with what you describe set up.

timeisnotaline · 04/08/2021 04:22

I wouldn’t visit. If pressured I’d explain if I come and they don’t turn the camera off, I will pull it down. Their choice. Turning it to the wall won’t stop it recording sound!
Seriously creepy.

MzHz · 04/08/2021 17:08

but now at 9 years old need a camera

Is Pete attracted to 9 yo girls? Is this it? She’s getting “interesting”?

I think there is something REALLY wrong going on here

bluebeck · 04/08/2021 17:40

Just don't go round there any more. Why do you have to make so many visits? See the people you like at yours or outside the home.