To allow this....

[Jerima]

My dh has taught all the local children how to ride their bikes over the years.

Our DD2 has said she wants to remove one stabiliser and ride like that for a while until she's ready to remove the other. My DH has said no and says she must remove both at once.

I feel she should learn this way if she wants to and feels comfortable that way as I think she should be in control of how she learns to ride her bike. Also she has SEN and even in school does not learn unless she is in control of what and how she learns.

DH says no. He says that children do not learn to ride a bike when they remove one stabiliser as it defys physics.

I have seen many a child over the years with one stabiliser on their bike but because I can't name them or give specific details of when and where DH does not believe that ANY children have gone round on one stabiliser before. He also believes that once you take both stabilisers off the child has to learn to ride on the path or pavement and NOT grass.

So I am asking did any of your DC ride their bikes on one stabiliser at any time during the process of learning to ride on two wheels? Did it defy the laws of physics and did they come to any harm in doing so.

Or did they go straight from stabilisers to learning on two wheels, which I might add, I believe some children do as well.

It's how I learned to ride a bike. It might not have helped me learn as ultimately I just had to go for it without, but it helps as an in between, I can't see it doing any harm. She'll soon get tired of riding lopsided

Your DH is probably right - but it sounds like he is being pointlessly right. What I mean is that if your DD will not go anywhere near the bike she won’t learn at all, whereas if he lets her do it her way she might either manage ok m, despite it not being the best method, or realise he is right and let him take both off.
Had a similar thing here with DS2. DH took him out cycling and insisted on a certain route and pace - DS hated it and hasn’t set foot on the bike since so DH’s attempt to get him to push on with it has completely backfired.

I learnt on one stabilizer and taught my dc the same way.
I never knew people went straight to none.

I had one stabiliser when I was learning to ride a bike. To be honest, I'm not sure it made me learn any more quickly or easily - once the single stabiliser has been removed, you've still got to learn how to balance.

I think you should let your DH parent your DD however he sees fit, just leave them to it, he sounds like a good parent so he will figure it out. She can’t always be in control of everything, and eventually she may well win but that should be between the two of them. He knows how you feel so you’ve done your part.

We did this with our DD. Took her a green space (softer if she fell off!) had her going round in circles one way, then the other - first with both stabilisers, then just the right one, then just the left, and when she was happy to, with none.
It took the whole afternoon, but we went at her pace, and she was riding without any at the end. And has done ever since.
So simply, there IS no right or wrong, only what your child feels comfortable with - after all, they're the one who's learning, right?
Just as an aside- why did your DH teach the local kids? Where were their parents? Though it was part of the fun for a Dad!

@dexterslockedintheshedagain my dh used to sit on the door step when our oldest DD played outside to keep an eye on her but the other children were just allowed out to play. It started off with her learning to ride on two wheels which she did by the time she was 4 then the other children saw her and would ask him to help them too and it just happened from there.

Dd1 and dd2 are so different. We were spoilt the first time round with dd1 we had it so easy. She did as she was asked, sat at the table nicely, did her school work looked tidy. Number 2 is just the total opposite. Burps, farts looks scruffy won't pick up her pencil in school, won't do the homework but taught herself her letters and numbers, taught herself how to speak with people (mainly asking them for food) in their own language. She takes an interest in something, and she explores it herself until she knows the ins and outs of it like an expert. That's another reason why I trust that if she wants to learn in her way she should be allowed to get on with it.

to use a MN cliche....is this the hill your DH wants to die on?

I don't believe his methods are wrong but if DD has said she would feel more comfortable doing it her way why say no

@Jerima
I see now! Sounds like a nice community.
My DD is a bit like your DD2. If she's interested in something, she researches the hell out of it. But if she's not....we'll, it's the devils own job to get her to do anything with it.
All I can say is that it sounds like this is a battle your DH will not win.
IF she is on the spectrum (as is our DD) it's not always as simple as doing as she's told.
How old is your DD?

My friends and I all leaned this way back in the 70s/80s

Our estate was full of wobbly kids on their wobbly bikes leaning over in order to defy gravity!

@dexterslockedintheshedagain she is 10 and this issue has gone on for a very long time. It got brought up again yesterday because dh is getting rid of some old bikes from the shed and had said that dd2 bike was old and knackered and too small which it isn't, it's on the lowest setting and hasn't been used hardly due to her stabiliser issue and she prefers her scooter. Anyway dh had said that the only reason DD can't ride a bike is because I interfered.
What happened was she saw Peppa pig learning to ride on two wheels said she wanted to do the same so dh removed her stabilisers then said to all the kids to come to the park with their bikes. So on the way they all rode ahead of us and DD was left behind struggling which upset her and made her feel left out so she decided she didn't want to learn then and wanted her stabilisers back. Then later said she wants keep one on. Another couple of times he tried removing them and she got upset because the bike wouldn't stand up and now she won't go near it unless there's two or one stabiliser on it. I said he should have waited until we were at the park before taking them off. He said that's not how he does it.

DH says this is my fault as he's taught loads of kids and had no trouble. I say we should listen and do what the child is comfortable with and I'll not sit there and watch her being left out and distressed for the sake of riding a bike which is supposed to be fun.

She may do the removing pedals thing but right now she herself hasn't mentioned the bike it was just us disagreeing yesterday that made me post

Ds1 outgrew his bike with stabilisers and when we went to buy the next size up the bike shop chap said, keep him on the the bike he has, remove the stabilisers and remove the pedals. Lower the seat and make it a balance bike where they can put both feet flat on the floor.

He said the hardest thing to learn is balance, so make it a balance bike, they can scoot along their legs and lift them to freewheel and they still have brakes and can lean with the bike.

Once they nail balance, then you add the pedals back on. We took Ds1 to a local park that had a path with a very slight gradient, just let him roll down that and just put his feet onto the pedals. Once he mastered that then and only then do they learn to actually pedal.

With Ds2 we just gave him a balance bike at 2 then progressed him to a bike with pedals.

One stabiliser is madness.

It may not be the best way to learn to remove one stabiliser. It's not the way I taught my DC, but if the alternative is her refusing to get on the bike at all then why not let her do it her way. Your DH needs to not be so inflexible in his approach.

Also my DC all learned on grass as it made them less scared of falling off.

Why not get her a balance bike for the transition? They’re cheap and don’t have pedals. But get kids used to having to balance for themselves.

OK it was over 50 years ago, but I learnt with one stabiliser.

It's sad your DH can't extend a bit of flexibility to his own DD. Is it really too much to ask that he take off one stabiliser, let her ride around for a bit, praise her and say she's good enough to move to no stabilisers ?

"so dh removed her stabilisers then said to all the kids to come to the park with their bikes."

Wtf?

Who are "all the kids"?

Why x´couldn't he do this just with his own daughter on her first time without stabilisers?

Sounds to me as if he's the one who fucked up big toime there if I've read/understood correctly.

That said-she's 10 now.

Get he stabilisers off & some attention just for her!

I think he's right to not allow single stabiliser usage. Ultimately it's quite a dangerous thing to do because the bike handles differently in one direction to another. I suppose if she is only riding on circular tracks it's not so much of a big deal.

Just read that she’s 10. My eldest is actually dyspraxic and bike riding didn’t click until we bought her a much lighter bike because the effort of keeping the bike upright on a bike that was as heavy as my own! as well as pedal and steer, just wasn’t happening. An OT actually suggested a lighter frame and it clicked very quickly as she already had the basics from the years and years of attempts and stabilisers (which she didn’t want to keep using as her friends might see).
Also worth thinking about.

Oh, and it’s important it’s all set up at the right height for pedalling if she isn’t going to switch it to a balance bike in the meantime. If her knees are coming up too high that will interfere with balance too!

I agree with your husband. Also to add, I have coordination issues/suspected dyspraxia and didn’t learn to ride until I was 11. My parents took off my stabilisers, took me to the school playground at the weekend (flat surface - agree with your husband it’s easier than softer surfaces like grass which might not be level) and kept giving me a gentle push off until the balance eventually just clicked in my brain.

@PerhapsCarriageGreen

Have you considered taking both the stabilisers and the pedals off and making it a balance bike? That worked very well for DD, and lots of others we know.

Second this. Sabilisers don't help getting a sense of balance, prohibit proper turning and lead to a false sense of security.

Pedals off and treat as a balance bike for a day or so, then whip the pedals on.

Tbh if she's already managed to ride to the park & back there's no need for stabilisers-she can ride her bike!

Can she have a stand for her bike?

My son did, accidentally. It bent under the weight of him hurtling around a regular corner. It took us a while to get round to removing them both- to be honest, we hadn't thought he was ready.

@diddl she didn't manage it she got upset