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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow this....

107 replies

Jerima · 27/07/2021 19:49

My dh has taught all the local children how to ride their bikes over the years.

Our DD2 has said she wants to remove one stabiliser and ride like that for a while until she's ready to remove the other. My DH has said no and says she must remove both at once.

I feel she should learn this way if she wants to and feels comfortable that way as I think she should be in control of how she learns to ride her bike. Also she has SEN and even in school does not learn unless she is in control of what and how she learns.

DH says no. He says that children do not learn to ride a bike when they remove one stabiliser as it defys physics.

I have seen many a child over the years with one stabiliser on their bike but because I can't name them or give specific details of when and where DH does not believe that ANY children have gone round on one stabiliser before. He also believes that once you take both stabilisers off the child has to learn to ride on the path or pavement and NOT grass.

So I am asking did any of your DC ride their bikes on one stabiliser at any time during the process of learning to ride on two wheels? Did it defy the laws of physics and did they come to any harm in doing so.

Or did they go straight from stabilisers to learning on two wheels, which I might add, I believe some children do as well.

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 27/07/2021 20:12

YANBU, the bike would just lean to the left or right when stationary.

He’s being a dick for saying he doesn’t believe you.

Stuff him, you teach her.

DroopyClematis · 27/07/2021 20:14

I agree with your partner and other posters.
One stabiliser will give your child a false sense of security and may cause her to rely on that one side.
It's delaying the inevitable.
She'll likely freak at having that last stabiliser removed and she'll end up with it for longer.

Original poster
Jerima · 27/07/2021 20:15

Well her plan would be to remove the other when she was ready

OP posts:
Original poster
Jerima · 27/07/2021 20:16

She may go for the idea of removing pedals also though if both stabilisers come off

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 27/07/2021 20:17

Ime stabilisers make you wobble and don't really assist bike riding!!
Sadly we have here a dh who is very correct!!

equuscaballus · 27/07/2021 20:19

I second those saying balance bikes are the way to go.

That way kids learn balance, steering and braking first.

Then put pedals on and they only need to concentrate on one thing at once.

Its far easier/kinder and is really confidence building.

Take a look at youtube for proof.

Lazypuppy · 27/07/2021 20:21

Get rid of the stabilisers, i think they make bikes wobble more. either go back to a balance type bike to build up her confidence or straight to pedals if she wants to try. Your DH is right, one stabiliser won't work/help

SomethingNastyintheBallPool · 27/07/2021 20:24

I learned with one stabiliser. It was definitely a thing when I was growing up twelfty-million years ago. I think your DD should be allowed to do that, if it’s the stepping stone she needs to prepare for taking them both off.

Original poster
Jerima · 27/07/2021 20:29

I think he is correct with other children and has shown to be. I'm sure the way DD wants to do it isn't the best method out there and dh track record shows he knows what he's talking about

My issue is with my DD not being allowed to ride her bike and learn how she wants to. It may not be the best way but I feel it's her choice not his. DD is really not like other children. Our dd1 is by the book met milestones when it says they should, did everything you would expect at the age and stage they're supposed to. DD2 is a different kettle of fish altogether and always has been.
I believe the best approach for her is more of an unschooling one as she responds and learns very well when she can lead. I just think if this is what she wants to do we should let her. She now won't go anywhere near the bike because she can't do it her way

OP posts:
altiara · 27/07/2021 20:35

My DD learnt with one stabiliser at school. Didn’t really believe her until we inherited her cousins bike, let her ride it with stabilisers, then took them off and she couldn’t ride it age 6. Her best friend came over (also age 6) and said to DD you’ve been able to ride a bike since you were 4, just do it. She (best friend) let go of the handlebars and DD rode off.
Sometimes kids know best 😂

Foolsrule · 27/07/2021 20:36

I’m surprised your DH teaches kids using stabilizers at all!

LadyJaye · 27/07/2021 20:39

With respect, OP, your daughter - for all that she wants to learn at her own pace - can't rewrite the laws of physics.

Take the pedals off, let her learn to use her own balance.

Merryoldgoat · 27/07/2021 20:42

He sounds fun.

CakeandGo · 27/07/2021 20:47

@Jerima

She may go for the idea of removing pedals also though if both stabilisers come off
This is what I was going to suggest too.
InThisMultiverse · 27/07/2021 20:47

I thought it was not uncommon for the stabilisers to both be bent upwards a bit as the child progresses to riding without them. Maybe stabilisers are made more sturdily now than they were in the mid ‘80s when I learnt.

godmum56 · 27/07/2021 20:51

I dunno....I mean how will it help if she won't go near the bike? surely he won't force her?

MotionActivatedDog · 27/07/2021 20:51

Why are you even arguing with him? You dont need his permission to take one stabiliser off and let her ride with one if that’s what she wants to try.

Original poster
Jerima · 27/07/2021 20:56

@InThisMultiverse maybe that's the issue I've got four years on my dh and so the mid 80s is when I would have learned too. Gosh I bet he doesn't even know what shoe skates are, I might start a row with him about teaching DD to skate instead when he gets back from walking the dog Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Jerima · 27/07/2021 20:57

No he won't force her, she's got a scooter

OP posts:
diddl · 27/07/2021 20:58

I have a feeling that I may have had one stabiliser for a while-it might have been more to "park" the bike easily though!

Your husband sounds ridiculous tbh.

Perhaps compromise by her trying it her way for a while?

If she now won't ride a bike at all, nothing is being achieved.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 27/07/2021 20:59

i think she needs to learn on grass, i can't decide about one stabiliser, i think they come as a pair?
to make her feel safe she would have to lean on one side so i dont think one is sensible.

diddl · 27/07/2021 21:00

@Jerima

No he won't force her, she's got a scooter
Does she balance on that at all?
AbsolutelyPatsy · 27/07/2021 21:00

my dd learnt without stabilisers as she was trying to impress the girl next door Grin

Original poster
Jerima · 27/07/2021 21:04

@diddl yes she is fine on that

OP posts:
80Dodgeballs · 27/07/2021 21:07

I've seen kids riding with one stabiliser. She's probably asking so that she feels more secure.

I appreciate what your DH is saying that it doesn't make sense to have one stabiliser but her feelings are valid. With SEN you have to think outside the box and do things a little differently!

My girl was petrified of riding a two wheeler and didn't learn until she was 10. We bought her a frog bike and took the pedals off. She then used it as a balance bike until we could see her confident in freewheeling while balancing well. Took a few weeks.

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