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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed that my SIL asked me to travel 30 minutes in the middle of the workday to receive a package?

69 replies

onlychildhamster · 26/07/2021 17:53

rejoining Mumsnet to ask this question as I wonder if I ABU.

SIL is travelling and hence is not at home to receive her package. She told me this morning she can't reschedule her delivery, and she asked if I could stop at her house for an hour (on a work day! ) from 11:56 to 12:56 pm to receive her package. It seems like an innocent request, but I work full time albeit at home at the moment; my home is a 30 minute bus ride to her home (we live in London and I don't have a car). It would be fine if it was in the evening or on the weekend but as its a work day, even if I used my lunch break to collect the parcel, i know from bitter experience that delivery slots are never exact and can often be rescheduled due to driver's schedule. I could be waiting an hour excluding travelling time for a package that may ultimately be rescheduled in the middle of a work day!

I managed to resolve it by suggesting she ask the neighbour to receive the package As I used to live at her house (she lives with her mum, my MIL) when my DH and I were saving up to buy our flat, I got to know our next door neighbour pretty well. I have his email address from the time he recommended his conveyancer. i thought I would just give her his email and she could then ask him. She then told me it would be awkward to email him out of the blue. So i wrote the email and he thankfully agreed to help.

Am i overthinking this? I feel a bit miffed, she knows I work full time but thinks I would be ok with receiving packages on a Monday when I don't exactly live next to her. And even when I nominated another person to help, I had to liaise with him too!

OP posts:
Original poster
onlychildhamster · 26/07/2021 17:54

I know like it seems like a small matter. I am not extremely miffed either to clarify. Just wondering if the people on Mumsnet think this is a normal and proportionate request.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/07/2021 17:56

Of course she’s being unreasonable!
If she had a delivery company giving her an hour slot you can also amend it / arrange reservations delivery
I wouldn’t expect anyone to put themselves out like that for a package during their working day
If it’s that important she should have rearranged her day

Mamamamasaurus · 26/07/2021 17:56

Not when you're working, no, she's BU. Timeslots aren't usually guaranteed IME and delivery drivers can be a whole separate thread.

LockdownLisa · 26/07/2021 17:56

YANBU but maybe your SIL just didn't really think it all through? It's annoying you've had to sort this problem out for her, but if you usually have a good relationship with her, just let it go.

Boood · 26/07/2021 17:57

You could have just worked from her house for the day, then you wouldn’t have been waiting around at all. But it’s never really unreasonable to politely decline to do someone a favour if it puts you out. She wasn’t unreasonable to ask, you wouldn’t be unreasonable to say no. It’s only unreasonable to say yes and do it with a bad grace, or not to take no for an answer.

Mamamamasaurus · 26/07/2021 17:57

Could she / would you be OK with her arranging delivery to your house next time?

Original poster
onlychildhamster · 26/07/2021 17:58

@rubyslippers She isn't in London at the moment. In another city visiting another sister. my MIL paid and arranged for that trip so I guess it wasn't up to her. But yeah, I guess most people don't order stuff before a trip!

OP posts:
KatherineOfGaunt · 26/07/2021 17:58

To be honest, people wfh can often be a bit more flexible (although I appreciate not everyone!), so perhaps she thought she'd ask on the off-chance. She's not unreasonable to ask and you're not unreasonable to decline. I wouldn't be annoyed, though, and wouldn't give it another thought now it's resolved!

EKGEMS · 26/07/2021 18:01

@Boood There are people WFH with multiple computer screens and other specialty equipment that may not be easy to drag with them on public transport, or have internet access/speed that they need as well. This was a ludicrous suggestion by the SIL and unreasonable to assume we all can work off a laptop.

breakfasty · 26/07/2021 18:01

I would have just said no sorry. Why is she getting stuff delivered if she's not there/hasn't arranged a safe place.

breakfasty · 26/07/2021 18:02

@Boood

You could have just worked from her house for the day, then you wouldn’t have been waiting around at all. But it’s never really unreasonable to politely decline to do someone a favour if it puts you out. She wasn’t unreasonable to ask, you wouldn’t be unreasonable to say no. It’s only unreasonable to say yes and do it with a bad grace, or not to take no for an answer.
Not all people who work from home have a whizzy laptop. I'd have to take 2 monitors and a pc with me.
MargeSimpson00 · 26/07/2021 18:03

I think you're overreacting tbh, all you had to do is say no sorry, I'm working. No big deal

Original poster
onlychildhamster · 26/07/2021 18:03

@EKGEMS I do work with double computer monitors!

OP posts:
Tlollj · 26/07/2021 18:04

This is amazing to me. Just say no I’m at work. Thirty minutes on a bus! Each way? For someone else’s parcel? Fuck no.

Thatsjustwhatithink · 26/07/2021 18:04

I think "sorry at work then, won't be able to x" is a good one if she asks you in future, you say no and you don't take on any of the burden of sorting out her life admin. I'm sure some study says that by just declining rather than offering solutions you distance yourself from the situation and it's more difficult for the asker to bother you further.

EKGEMS · 26/07/2021 18:06

@onlychildhamster 😀

Original poster
onlychildhamster · 26/07/2021 18:10

@MargeSimpson00 Part of me feels like I shouldn't be annoyed. I didn't want to put this in the OP as Its not really relevant. She has never worked before (she is 22 and still doing her GCSEs).so maybe a part of me is thinking that she asked me because she didn't think it was a big deal and doesn't realize how much a job can inhibit your errand running abilities.Maybe my annoyance is similar to how some people feel angry when they read about benefit claimants in the Daily Mail. I am not proud of it but i still feel miffed :(

OP posts:
Geamhradh · 26/07/2021 18:15

She asked you if you could. You couldn't.

End of story. No biggie.

Not the foggiest what benefits have to do with anything.

Dontwatchfootball · 26/07/2021 18:15

YANBU, she is really out of line. Where I do think YABU is in fixing it for her - she is old enough to work out her own plans, it was nice of you but next time she needs to come up with her own solution.

hellcatspangle · 26/07/2021 18:19

Of course she's being unreasonable, and I'd have said "sorry, I working" and left her to sort it out!

DelphiniumBlue · 26/07/2021 18:21

22 and never worked - she will be like a teenager then, will have no idea what it is like to be restricted by the demands of employment!
So explaining you can't because you are working will be doing her a favour - teaching what life in the real word is like!

billy1966 · 26/07/2021 18:21

@Tlollj

This is amazing to me. Just say no I’m at work. Thirty minutes on a bus! Each way? For someone else’s parcel? Fuck no.
This.

A frankly unbelievable ask.

Not a chance would I do but not a chance I know anyone who would be CF enough to ask.🙄

Just10moreminutesplease · 26/07/2021 18:23

Why didn’t you just say no? It was nice of you to help her find an alternative but your OP reads like you had to sort it. She’s a cf and her package is none of your concern.

MotionActivatedDog · 26/07/2021 18:25

These seems like a mountain out of a molehill tbh. She asked, it didn’t suit, you offered an alternative, it suited. It’s over. I’m guessing there is a massive backstory with this SIL otherwise I can’t see why this would be bothering you so much.

Just10moreminutesplease · 26/07/2021 18:25

Travelling 30 minutes each way for a package is unreasonable even if you weren’t working!