Hey! First time posting and about to hide behind the sofa after I submit.
AIBU to be stressed over this and losing my head?
I really really need some advice on a situation I never thought i’d be in. Please. My head is all over the place. Apologies in advance as it might get long.
So i’ve been with my partner 3 years (known each other 12) with a 20 month old child and my daughter with my ex husband. We got together in the August and he was unsure of what he wanted and called it off in the January, we got back together shortly after and have been solid ever since.
So I have massive trust issues from previous relationships and insecurity about myself. At the beginning of the pandemic I looked in his phone (I know it’s bad.) His sister got married in the October 7ish weeks after we got together. I saw in a message to his sister he asked for the bridesmaids number as he had been flirting with her. After reading the messages it is clear that he didn’t even persue anything and it stopped dead.
I went mental as in my head, we were together and I would never have done anything like that to him. He reassured me nothing happened and he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted etc. I know this is true because 8 weeks after the wedding he broke it off with me stating the same reasons.
We have fought over it occasionally and he struggled to see why I was so upset because it was at a time when we weren’t serious and he broke things off because he wasn’t sure.
We went out this weekend and we bumped into to the bridesmaid. She had no idea about any of this until recently or that he was dating someone at the time. So we chatted it out. At the end of the day she isn’t at fault. It was fine and off she went. She also confirmed nothing happened.
My partner came up to me and told me he was immensely in awe and proud of how I was the bigger person for doing that etc. He was a bit drunk by this point and the words “it was an innocent kiss” left his mouth. I said what!!! To which he replied “you know all this”.
I storm off we argue at home and wake up the next day. He promises there was no kiss just an attempted kiss that didn’t happen and he is more than willing to even book a lie detector test to prove this. I believe him but it’s the intent that was there. Yes we split up shortly afterwards, he didn’t know if we would get serious etc and he didn’t know what he wanted. But in my mind we were together and I just wouldn’t have done that. Before this weekend we have been so solid since getting back together, buying a home and having a child. But I can’t get the image out of my head. I feel sick and it makes me question everything. He apologised profusely but also thinks i’m going way over the top. I don’t think I am.
Thank you if you got to the end. I hope it makes sense. My head is all over the place.
AIBU to be stressing over this?