Page 4 | What would you do if you'd identified someone you know on here (MN)?

Samosamo · 2021-07-25T14:50:06+00:00

Would you avoid reading their posts, especially if they are personal? Or would you read on with gluttony?!

Dixiechickonhols · 25/07/2021 21:26

marmitemarinaded No relative wasn’t on mumsnet. OP was someone slagging relative off for a parenting decision and her kids unusual made up names were mentioned. Lots of people responding criticised the names.

Miraclemagic · 25/07/2021 21:31

I identified my sister on here. I told her, to give her chance to change names, she told me that she doesn't post anything secret on here anyway.

I'm ashamed to say (I have even name changed for this post as I'm so ashamed), I have read all her posts and they make me really sad. I assume that she forgot I told her I'd identified her as she has slagged me and our other sister off a bit, especially over the pandemic. She's also said a few horrible things about our mum. Whilst nothing she said is particularly untrue, it appears that she thinks we don't like her very much. This is completely untrue, we all adore her, (and she comes across on here as lovely to) but MN Sister has always been much more socially awkward than the rest of us, so it's clearly manifested into something it's not.

Weirdly, I don't mind her slagging us off, (I assume she was venting) I just wish there was something I could do to assure her she's loved. But sadly, phone calls are rarely answered, text messages tend to be, and we have a text conversation around once every 2/3 months, but it's never initiated by her. I now tend to read her posts to make sure she's ok, which she seems to be despite having gone through a really tough year. I'd love to be able to be there for her in real life, but she keeps us at arms length and I have no idea why.

RaindropsOnRosie · 25/07/2021 21:59

I didn't tell her but I read her posts which were all complete BS. She'd used her first and last name so it was definitely her -think JaneMadeAnAccount- her real name being Jane Made.

She first posted about a colleague issue which I knew was real, then posted about her husband dying in a fire and her 2 children being killed in a car crash and struggling through miscarriages . She has a wife, no children and no losses.

Purplealienpuke · 25/07/2021 21:59

It hasn't happened on here but in real life. I met with a friend, who was with someone I didn't know. This person was slating their relative, quite personal stuff.
It became apparent I knew the person they were slating in a professional capacity. I did stop them and tell them why. I didn't tell the person they were slating.
Very awkward.

SmileyClare · 25/07/2021 22:03

I find that really sad Miraclemagic You sound like a caring sister. It's a difficult situation isn't it? You're probably wishing your sister would name change

BlueSurfer · 25/07/2021 22:11

How ironic that someone has just posted her birth story today and I can’t believe it happened to two people, so that’s someone I know in real life.

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 22:21

I am guessing a couple of people are likely to recognise the poster who shared her story of giving birth at a bus stop this morning.

pleasedonttextmyman · 25/07/2021 22:23

cross post

if someone doesn't recognise the baby, they'll recognise the ring!

knitandpearl · 25/07/2021 22:24

I'd totally snoop if it was an acquaintance. I know I shouldn't but I would. Unless it was a close friend, then I'd feel too icky.
I know someone on here who works for the same fairly large org but I have deliberately not looked up particularly identifying details (which they may have changed!) to find out who - I feel better not knowing. I assume no-one I know that well.

CassandrasCastle · 25/07/2021 22:51

This is probably very outing in itself, confusingly...but I was 'discovered' by someone from the very strict church I was in at the time; I was posting about my miserable marriage and the fact that I was cheating on my then husband. Yup, I was a complete idiot and put in very identifying details, in hindsight. Upshot was, she told someone about it and it was reported to the church and to my husband. I was disciplined by the church, who humiliatingly had a PRINTED OUT COPY OF THE WHOLE THREAD detailing my guilt and confusion, and my husband was obviously incredibly angry...thankfully I managed to scrape together the courage to just get out so it really led directly to my divorce 😳 I am about 1000% happier now than I was then and actually feel grateful in a way, but at the time it was awful and terrifying and I still sometimes think about the woman who found me (my H informed me who it was 😬)

Iknowthiswillendbutwhen · 25/07/2021 22:58

What would you do if you'd identified someone you know on here (MN)?

I hope I would have the grace not to mention it to them and not to search for any more threads.

In reality I would probably manage the first but not the second!

OhWhyNot · 25/07/2021 23:03

CassandrasCastle That is awful how nasty. To be done at church isn’t it God who is all forgiving some people just use religion to humiliate and manipulate others

I’m so glad you are much happier now

GrandTheftWalrus · 25/07/2021 23:41

I think I've posted my birth story for dd2 so if someone reads that they will know me. Especially as I've told everyone IRL.

irresistibleoverwhelm · 25/07/2021 23:47

I’ve spotted three people I know on here. One because her situation was v identifying. One because she posted an identical question post on Facebook at the same time. And one via a blog she shared which I happened to know IRL. All three have since changed their names or stopped posting so I’ve “lost” then again. I didn’t tell them I’d spotted them because I thought it would sound a bit stalky and none of their posts were more than chitchat so nothing really at stake!

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 26/07/2021 00:05

I sometimes feel I am being bated by people I know who know I use this site - some of the posts seem specific to me so I don't post that much ...the person I am thinking of is soooo nosey I wouldn't put it past her.

LemonMuffins · 26/07/2021 00:07

I'm super nosey so would read it all.

HerrenaHarridan · 26/07/2021 00:10

I spotted someone I know purely from their Scottish political username and ‘debating’ style

I didn’t advance search her, I don’t need to, her posts are all much of a muchness tbh

I must say I really notice with her the difference between what she will say here with anonymity and on fb where her name is attached

littledrummergirl · 26/07/2021 00:29

I've spotted one person that I knew. I pmd them so that they could name change if they wanted then promptly forgot the username.

EBearhug · 26/07/2021 00:35

Ot would depend who it was. Some I might ask, are you X on Mumsnet? Others I wouldn't mention. I probably wouldn't search back through their posting history unless I was really bored. I don't think I've recognised anyone I know, but I would be surprised if there are no colleagues or school friends or uni friends on here. Mind you, friends I've met through MN and they have changed their names, I don't usually know who they're posting as now, so how I would recognise someone I don't know is here... you're probably all safe, and wondering why I blank you in threads we're both on.

I envy people who recognise others just through their posting style- I don't seem to be selected to do that at all, even when it's blindingly obvious to others. I would be no use as the sort of archivist who goes through old papers to determine if they were really written by a particular eminent person.

RedLollyYellow · 26/07/2021 00:46

One I have, I know them and didn't read their posts once I twigged. They are a good friend, I know they use MN - and recognised them from the situation they were writing about - quite quickly.

Another poster I didn't realise that I knew them, they were a prolific poster under a user name. They posted about a situation at school, which was very similar to one happening at our school. In another post they wrote about where they lived and I knew. I hid all of their posts from then onwards.

Saussin · 26/07/2021 01:11

Spotted someone as they put on hugely identifying (but not personal/ embarrassing) information. I told them.

It the end of that friendship. To my face she was fine, behind my back she was furious and slagged me off to others. I hadn’t even read all of her posts.

If I spotted someone again I’d not tell them and just move on.

Marmitemarinaded · 26/07/2021 06:02

@CassandrasCastle

This is probably very outing in itself, confusingly...but I was 'discovered' by someone from the very strict church I was in at the time; I was posting about my miserable marriage and the fact that I was cheating on my then husband. Yup, I was a complete idiot and put in very identifying details, in hindsight. Upshot was, she told someone about it and it was reported to the church and to my husband. I was disciplined by the church, who humiliatingly had a PRINTED OUT COPY OF THE WHOLE THREAD detailing my guilt and confusion, and my husband was obviously incredibly angry...thankfully I managed to scrape together the courage to just get out so it really led directly to my divorce 😳 I am about 1000% happier now than I was then and actually feel grateful in a way, but at the time it was awful and terrifying and I still sometimes think about the woman who found me (my H informed me who it was 😬)

Excuse me?

lifehappened · 26/07/2021 06:15

To be honest this is the only situation where I think it's normal to advance search 😂. I never understand why people need to do that with a stranger just to catch them out (which is usually the reason) but for this I would def so I could confirm it's them

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 26/07/2021 07:03

Ooh, tough one. I’m going to be honest though and say because I’m a proper nosy Parker I’d have to have a look through their posts. Would I tell them? Depends if I liked them!! 😂

Conchitastrawberry · 26/07/2021 07:22

I name change regularly and change details in posts sometimes. Daughter for son, kids aged etc. I’ve no idea how to do an advance search though and wouldn’t anyway. I’ve never spotted anyone I know on here.