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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do if you'd identified someone you know on here (MN)?

108 replies

Samosamo · 25/07/2021 15:50

Would you avoid reading their posts, especially if they are personal?

Or would you read on with gluttony?!

OP posts:
OhWhyNot · 25/07/2021 17:00

I have and then I avoided their posts
If they wanted to tell me they would

hashbrownsandwich · 25/07/2021 17:00

Pretty sure some colleagues know who I am. I don't post anything I wouldn't want anyone to know.

Fordian · 25/07/2021 17:02

Many NC ago, someone who I thought was a friend spotted me. She took the information (which was a genuine worry about my DS and education) and told her own son, my son's 'mate' who then taunted mine with the information, threatening to share it at college.

It took the college to put this boy straight, while he dissembled about how he'd got hold of the information.

My post would have needed someone to have been stalking me to have put two and two together....

I got my past deleted on the site.

Needless to say, we are no longer friends.

Under the same circumstances, assuming I'd identified the poster from their one post, I would have messaged her to warn her that her post was identifying so she could get it taken down; but then, I'm not a horrible bitch.

SunbathingDragon · 25/07/2021 17:03

I know quite a few people on here in rl (but I originally met them through the Conception and Pregnancy boards) so I’d message them direct in support.

If it was someone who didn’t know I was on here, I’d probably leave them to it.

whychangethehabitofalifetime · 25/07/2021 17:04

I NC regularly enough that I don't think I could be spotted really and I don't post anything outing (change small details like the sex of my children, or their ages slightly etc if it's not relevant). I have spotted a few people I know from an online baby group I'm a part of on here but I wouldn't advance search them. Never spotted anyone I know in real life, I don't think!

OhEff · 25/07/2021 17:05

Once met someone off a different forum at a smoking shelter at old employers. Totally accidentally. We'd been talking online for about 5 years as part of a group with a special interest. She happened to name drop a moderator when chatting in person and I just introduced myself as my user name, nice to meet you.
We stayed friends online and irl for about 3 years. Then she went a bit coocoo and I backed off.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 25/07/2021 17:06

I wouldn't do anything.

GrandTheftWalrus · 25/07/2021 17:13

I did find an ex friend on another parenting site talking absolute rubbish about me and getting loads of sympathy. In reality it was her that had done those things to me. She had also put my username. I then name changed and after I had my first dd I never went back on the site for some reason.

Marmitemarinaded · 25/07/2021 17:14

@Dixiechickonhols

My most uncomfortable spot was a thread about a relative and not even relevant to the issue people being extremely rude about her children’s names. I debated if should tell her or not so she could defend herself and opted for not as I’d have been upset to read what people were saying.
Wasn’t she on the thread already if they were discussing her children’s names?!
lannistunut · 25/07/2021 17:17

@AlternativePerspective

I wouldn’t go looking for their posts, but I wouldn’t avoid them, and I wouldn’t tell them.
This is my view too.

I nc regularly to avoid this happening, I think if you stay the same name and talk quite openly you must know it is possible.

Saucery · 25/07/2021 17:24

I’ve come across someone from my local area who I cross paths with professionally from time to time. It was a couple of things she said on here that made me realise. I’ve never advance searched her posts, she seems a nice person on here and in rl so it would be a bit weird to do that.

BillyRaywasapreachersson · 25/07/2021 17:30

I know someone on here. In the days when posters used to have profile pages, she had her photo up. She had made a comment about something very specific to where we grew up, so I looked at her profile. She hasn't changed her username since, so obv I "see her" around. I haven't messaged her as not seen her in over 30 years.

BillyRaywasapreachersson · 25/07/2021 17:30

Oh and I haven't AS her. That's creepy imo.

fairgame84 · 25/07/2021 17:32

I have. We realised our kids were in the same class so we private messaged to confirm. I don't really know her personally, we've only met once. I've never searched her posts and never felt any desire to.

Bimblybomeyelash · 25/07/2021 17:32

I saw someone I knew on here once. She’s posted a photo of herself so she clearly didn’t have an issue with being identified!

3scape · 25/07/2021 17:38

I always wonder how many Make changes these threads prompt Grin especially when someone is convinced they recognise someone they barely know from school. After all, no school would ever have similar situations to another Grin

HalzTangz · 25/07/2021 17:57

@SmileyClare

Mumsnet has an average 1.3 billion page views and millions of users. For that reason, I think it's very unlikely to spot your friend on here.

Unless the poster give their name and address, I can't think of any situation in a thread that would be unique to one person?

Some jobs are very unique which can identify people especially if they mention where they live, if they have kids or pets. I've seen 3 I know, I've nót let on and never will. I don't feel personally anyone should tells others if they are recognised
eleanoreleanoreleanor · 25/07/2021 19:37

I've seen someone I know, their thread was was very specific and I only read it as I thought 'oh, friend has this exact scenario, I wonder if I can send the link to her' to quickly
realise it was actually her Grin

It was a very light and fluffy thread though so although I've never told her, I've also forgotten her username (and I suspect she might frequently change anyway!)

Houserenoqueen · 25/07/2021 19:41

I was outed by an ex colleague. She messaged me on fb to tell me and then because we had a similar issue/ situation we supported each other through it.

Whattodoaboutnothing · 25/07/2021 19:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

saraclara · 25/07/2021 19:48

@Marmitemarinaded I assume that it was one of those threads where people discuss weird names that they've come across.

saraclara · 25/07/2021 19:50

I recognised someone I know from another forum and I imagine she's spotted me too. But I've neither said anything nor searched her handle.

TrixieThunder · 25/07/2021 19:57

I really don’t know what I would do. I think it depends on the type of relationship I had with that person. If it was someone I wasn’t fond of (not that I can think of anyone except my mum who would fall in that category) I probably would. Maybe old friends who I’d fallen out of touch with, but I doubt I’d recognise them.

I always wonder about those particular posters who are on nearly every thread and don’t name change - I often wonder that unless they’ve made up a fake persona someone must have recognised them by now.

TrixieThunder · 25/07/2021 19:59

I definitely do give up too much ‘real’ information and thoughts though so I’d expect I could be recognisable. I usually get ‘sharing’ guilt though and name change shortly afterwards

VladmirsPoutine · 25/07/2021 20:01

I would advance search them and read all their threads and posts but I wouldn't do anything about it or tell them.