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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ban MIL from our house

53 replies

pinkleather · 25/07/2021 13:41

My MIL has been awful to me since the day I told her I was pregnant. She told me to get an abortion and said I was ruining her son's life. She got better throughout my pregnancy so I forgave her, but as soon he was born, it got worse again.

I have PND, and for the first part of motherhood it was horrendously bad, and I wholeheartedly believe it was because of her. She would criticise at every opportunity, told me I wouldn't be able to cope without my DP, slated me for my mental health problems.

We kept visiting because DP wanted to and told me she should be able to see her grandson, so I agreed.

Things are getting worse - she has a whole social media account with quotes about me, she is texting DP telling me I need to work more hours and that I need to get a 'real job' (I work from home, and support the family on my income as DP doesn't have a job).

She then constantly asks to see my son, and will try to get my DP to visit without me. She also keeps asking to come round to visit, to take care of DP (we don't need her help).

Things have got worse as her other DIL is now pregnant and she is over the moon talking about her new grandbaby. It makes me feel like sh*t because she was so awful to me when I got pregnant, especially as I had previously been told I couldn't have children due to too much adhesional scarring from surgery.

AIBU to tell DP I don't want her in my house? He thinks that she should be able to come over to see our son, but I don't want her around me - or him. It's up to DP if he sees his mum, but I don't understand why I should put myself in these situations, and I don't want her speaking badly about me around my son.

What do you think? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
pinkleather · 25/07/2021 13:42

Sorry - I meant *our house.

OP posts:
Teacupsandtoast · 25/07/2021 13:44

You have a dp problem. Why is he letting his mother being a c*nt to you? Why doesn't he work?

pinkleather · 25/07/2021 13:45

He doesn't work because he lost his job during the pandemic. He doesn't stick up for me at all and lies about what she says.

OP posts:
YoComoManzanas · 25/07/2021 13:46

How awful of her. I wouldn't have her anywhere near you or baby.
No excuse, at all, but were you both incredibly young when you had baby?
Also your dp sounds useless. Does he provide any type of support or partnership at all?

Shitapillar · 25/07/2021 13:46

Why are you putting up with either of these two people?

pinkleather · 25/07/2021 13:46

No, not young when we had our baby. He was 27, I was 25. He is a great dad, but he doesn't support me when it comes to his mum. I don't trust that he sticks up for me when they are on their own, either.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 25/07/2021 13:47

Why are you with your DH? He sounds just as bad as her.

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2021 13:47

YANBU but your DP isn’t covering himself in glory here.

My guess is this is a dysfunctional relationship and has been from the start.

Your partner should be supporting you and the fact he isn’t speaks volumes.

PinkiOcelot · 25/07/2021 13:47

She sounds horrible. How come she thinks you need to work more hours but her son doesn’t work at all?!!

I don’t think I would be wanting to see her at all if I were you. Let your DP go around to her house without you.

Takenoprisoner · 25/07/2021 13:47

It's the dp you need to ban from your house. He has let you down and failed to protect you. What kind of pathetic loser allows his pregnant to be bullied by his mother?

grapewine · 25/07/2021 13:47

Your DP is the problem, if he's lying to you. Asshole behaviour.

Merryoldgoat · 25/07/2021 13:47

In what way is he a great dad?

Is he actually an adequate dad?

Teacupsandtoast · 25/07/2021 13:48

So he's your problem....mummys precious little boy too scared to say boo to her. Is he actively seeking work?

HollowTalk · 25/07/2021 13:48

Oh bloody hell, OP, you can't live like this. Send him back to live with his mother - let the pair of them put up with each other.

Just10moreminutesplease · 25/07/2021 13:48

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this through pregnancy and as a new mum Flowers.

Your DP needs to seriously improve his behaviour and start sticking up for you. I would seriously consider leaving if he continues to allow his own mother to bully you. Your MIL is poisonous and has no automatic right to see your son.

Personally, I wouldn’t be happy with my child having a relationship with someone who acted like that.

Starjammer · 25/07/2021 13:48

I'd get rid of the pair of them. Both sound utterly useless.

gamerchick · 25/07/2021 13:48

The problem is your bloke. The jobless bugger who doesn't have your back.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 25/07/2021 13:48

No, she'd not be coming into my home.
If your dp doesn't see what she is doing and doesn't support you then in all honesty he needs to go (although be aware that this is probably just what your mil wants.).

grapewine · 25/07/2021 13:49

With your update, I'd think seriously about whether you want this to be your life.

Newcastleteacake · 25/07/2021 13:49

Your 'D'P should be backing you up. Why is he still wanting someone around that makes his partner feel so terrible about themselves?

Blossomtoes · 25/07/2021 13:50

I wouldn’t have your partner in my house, let alone his mother.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 25/07/2021 13:51

Worse when he sees what she's doing and still supports her and allows it.

Tell him to begger off

pinkleather · 25/07/2021 13:52

I know, I agree. At the moment I don't feel strong enough to leave. And despite everything, I do love him (I know, I'm stupid). He's just said that he wants to take DS round so that she can 'get it out of her system'

OP posts:
Mamamamasaurus · 25/07/2021 13:54

Your issue here is you 'D' P. He should have your back and tell his mother to stick it up her arse. Her either doesn't care what she's saying to and about you or he's a walkover - neither of which are attractive qualities.

Not a chance she'd step foot in my home though

LagunaBubbles · 25/07/2021 13:54

He is a great dad, but he doesn't support me when it comes to his mum

Sorry if this sounds harsh but no he usnt a great Dad if he allows his Mum to treat the mother of his child like this, and you are enabling all of this by focusing on her rather than him.