To ban MIL from our house

[pinkleather]

My MIL has been awful to me since the day I told her I was pregnant. She told me to get an abortion and said I was ruining her son's life. She got better throughout my pregnancy so I forgave her, but as soon he was born, it got worse again.

I have PND, and for the first part of motherhood it was horrendously bad, and I wholeheartedly believe it was because of her. She would criticise at every opportunity, told me I wouldn't be able to cope without my DP, slated me for my mental health problems.

We kept visiting because DP wanted to and told me she should be able to see her grandson, so I agreed.

Things are getting worse - she has a whole social media account with quotes about me, she is texting DP telling me I need to work more hours and that I need to get a 'real job' (I work from home, and support the family on my income as DP doesn't have a job).

She then constantly asks to see my son, and will try to get my DP to visit without me. She also keeps asking to come round to visit, to take care of DP (we don't need her help).

Things have got worse as her other DIL is now pregnant and she is over the moon talking about her new grandbaby. It makes me feel like sh*t because she was so awful to me when I got pregnant, especially as I had previously been told I couldn't have children due to too much adhesional scarring from surgery.

AIBU to tell DP I don't want her in my house? He thinks that she should be able to come over to see our son, but I don't want her around me - or him. It's up to DP if he sees his mum, but I don't understand why I should put myself in these situations, and I don't want her speaking badly about me around my son.

What do you think? Am I overreacting?

Yes a dp issue, he's enabling and allowing Mil to treat you like a this... It's up to you to you to say no.

Get what out of her system? This is so unhealthy.

Your husband isn't a "great dad" or great father or husband! He's allowed that bitch to be abusive towards you and has a spine made out of jelly. Has he tried to find a job or does he want you to support all of you? You would be better off to take your baby and go.

Oops sorry I said great Dad twice basically

This is bizarre. She’s bullying you and it’s totally unacceptable. How old is your child?

Is there something cultural going on here or a background story as to why she doesn’t like you?

So you have a jobless partner who doesn't stick up for you with his mother and this woman says mean things to you. Why are you sticking around? Send him packing to his mothers!

Aye, he can take his son round to his cunt of a mother whenever he likes during his contact days 🤷🏻‍♀️
Which he will, because frankly I don’t believe for a second he’s a great dad.
She has a social media account to criticise you and he just accepts that?!
You’ll be better off emotionally and financially when you’re not carrying him.
Let mummy pay his bills 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have a huge DP problem.

What's your housing situation? What support do you have from family?

You’ve got a cocklodging partner and his bitch of a mother on your case. You have a dp problem.

You’re UNDERREACTING!
You have a huge DP problem and his mother is a bitch. Stop putting up with this shit. Raise your standards!

Why is he letting his mother be such a bitch to you?

Yanbu

Also, he needs to get a fucking job or he can go live with his mother!

Does he do anything or contribute anything at all, apart from bringing a problematic women into the relationship?

I have always thought, that some straight talking is much needed in situations like this, straight talking between the three of you, to try and iron out the nastiness from your MIL, and the lack of support for you, from your partner.

I do realise, that some people. might well shun any conversations like this, and never admit to doing anything bad or wrong. But otherwise, things will never change, and you will be stuck in the never ending, and awful family strife.You have to stand your ground, with those who make your life a misery.

Have a read about enmeshed families

www.verywellfamily.com/can-a-family-be-too-close-1695789

Is he technically a SAHD? If you split up would he be seen as the Primary carer?

What does your DP say about the social media account your MIL has slagging you off?

I would in all honesty say MIL is not seeing you or your son til she learns respect,Get an injunction out and stop her contact,,then when your oh sees how firm you are then you tell him either he pulls his socks up or he will get the same ...he sounds pathetic OP sorry my darling but his behaviour is despicable,He shoul dbe looking after you and your little one,respecting you and putting you first,He isnt doing any of that,He is sponging off you and then calling you to his mother err no way should you be accepting that, What he is doing i sfar worse than what Mil is doing,because you cant trust him,You have a pretend relationship really its not real.

@SuperSleepyBaby

Wow that's a so interesting!

Stand up for yourself OP let her know that you don't appreciate her disrespect, and you aren't going anywhere, so she can either be in your lives peacefully and respectfully, or she can do one. You don't have to be subjected to anyone's toxicity regardless of how you know them. Also your DP needs to get a job, if she doesn't like yours and put her in her place too for the sake of your family and mental health.

Nope! Nope nope nope! She must be BANNED from seeing the child, she is toxic. If you don't put your foot down OP, you're going to be facing a case of parental alienation towards you in 10 or so years time.

Ultimatum time for your partner

I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s going to try to cut you out of your own son and her son’s lives. Be very careful. She’s already using your mental health state against you.

To be honest though, I’d cut both your partner and his mother out of your lives. She sound vile and he sounds like a useless pathetic liar.

He is a great dad, but he doesn't support me when it comes to his mum

Or financially or emotionally

Next time he says she's said you have to work more ask him when he's going to contribute. Same if she says it directly to you.

She has SM accounts about you? screenshot and tell her to take it down or you'll complain to the platform for stalking. Then do it anyway. If she comes when you're in, either go out, take your DS, or don't let her in. You don't have to be insulted in your own home.

But agree with PP you have a DP problem and the sooner you get shut of him the better.

What's the housing situation OP? Because if you are renting I would be looking to move in with family in the short term until I was feeling stronger, leave your waste of space "D"P to his mother and she can pay his bills while posting shite about you on Facebook. Younger me would have tried to placate her and keep the peace, older sister me would be taking screenshots of everything on her social media slagging me off and going to a solicitor to see what could be done about it, reporting the account and leaving the relationship. He is not a good dad or partner, he stands back and allows his mother to abuse his child's mother, no good person would tolerate that. Time to get yourself sorted to go it alone as this will never improve while DP has trifle for a spine.

Wiser not sister, bloody autocorrect!

Well she sounds awful but your DP sounds worse. He’s supposed to love you and have your back and he doesn’t. Honestly? I’d leave. Mtgst would be a deal breaker for he. Between the two of them they’ll destroy your self confidence. You don’t want your son growing up around a woman like that.